My husband is the worst human that can ever exist

[baari]

Currently stormed out of the house
we have a flight to catch tmrw and a billion things to do
needed his help to watch our toddler whilst she’s asleep I can go do some shopping but he’s left the house
stormed out because I asked him what should we do for dinner as there’s no food since we’re flying so fridge is empty. Said he’ll go grab some frozen meals and I said or we can take our toddler to soft play and she can eat there. Then he got annoyed and said If you already have something in mind then why ask me. I explained it was just a suggestion like his idea. Started to swear at me because my tone changed and he apparently hates if I speak with an angry tone. Said he’ll physically kick me out of the house. Proceeded to say f*ck a few more times at me and swear. Then said he wants to Divorce. Then said he never wants to buy a house because why buy a house if he’s planning on divorcing. Then I said you don’t have enough money for A down payment anywya. Financially he stresses me out. Has zero savings. Not sure what he wastes his money on. I earn less than him but have more savings. Whenever I mention this he says he doesn’t have savings because how much he spends on us as a family. That is fAr from the truth I do half rent and most groceries and swimming and nursery for our toddler and he does bills and we both share council tax. Now he’s stormed out after he went out for two hours this morning. I really need to go get my eyebrows done.
I feel so low like how could this happen to me? Just a normal nice husband was all I’d wanted and gotten this twat of a man

7 replies before yours, where most blamed him or both. Not sure where you're getting your getting your "siding with male aggression" from.

Sorry to hear OP, he shouldn't be swearing at you.
Hope you can save the holiday and use it as a last chance to see if you should stay married.

Call his bluff about the divorce and agree with him.
Has he had counselling for his Mum's passing?

May be a good idea to do couple's counselling too. Not a great way to start a marriage but if trying not to trigger him, isn't how any relationship should be.

I think it’s more ‘shitty’ to threaten to assault your wife than it is to make a suggestion about dinner in a mildly irritating way and to want to get your eyebrows done.

You are being ridiculous. Why leave all this to the last minute? You are both stressed. You probably won't feel any better when you get back from holiday as holidays and toddlers don't mix well.

This sounds so exhausting and wearing. Being single would be so much more pleasant. Relationships aren't meant to be like this.

Maybe for you. But it’s obviously important for OP before she goes on holiday. The point is he doesn’t get to ruin her plans because he’s a baby. Honestly I’d just go on holiday without him. He sounds abusive

You both found utterly miserable and it sounds like you’re only staying together because he can’t afford to move out and you don’t want to be alone.

He is done and I think it’s only a matter of time before he leaves.

As you’re going on holiday, I would apologise (even if it’s not your fault) and say you want a stress free holiday.

When you get home, sit down together and work out a plan going forward.
Perhaps couples counselling.

I actually think for him it’s too late but you’re obviously not ready to call it a day yet and so you need to least suggest professional help.

Because she said she doesn’t want to leave?!?!?

If she doesn’t want to leave they need to try and resolve their differences?!?!

My fiancé and I acted terribly towards each other in many ways that sound similar to you and yours when our son was a toddler.

It is very stressful and you are very tired and a lot of people play out childhood trauma that they don’t know they are carrying when they first become parents and it comes out in your relationship dynamic.

My advice is try to have a lovely holiday and relax, when he returns explain calmly why it is important to you to have gone out, and you should try to listen to how he is feeling also. Maybe try counselling when you get back.

If you can get through the phase where you are triggering and blaming each other all the time and both try and do a little self reflection and kindness, your relationship may end up stronger than ever. Ours certainly did. Our son is 4.5 now and we’re back to being very in love in a deeper way, and are both very grateful we stuck it out and sorted our selves out, instead of blowing up the family in anger because the stress got to us too much. Also, look up avoidance patterns in relationships, as your husband sounds like he leans avoidant in conflict and it might help to understand him better and his patterns of behaviour.

Women who haven't lived through relationships like this don't understand how conditioned you can become to this behavior, to the point where it's your normal.

So these threats to leave/divorce just become like background noise in your life. You carry on because you're so used to it.

For OP, thinking about getting her eyebrows done is one of the few things that will give her confidence for her trip. She's not thinking of the awful behaviour because it is always there, in the background. You look for spots of joy where you can.

You are being ridiculous. Why leave all this to the last minute? You are both stressed. You probably won't feel any better when you get back from holiday as holidays and toddlers don't mix well.

Are you actually joking?
So being stressed is a valid reason to swear and threaten divorce to the OP.
Last minute stuff before holidays can be stressful especially if you are working and looking after kids but dh has never ever apoke to me like that.

I was feeling really sympathetic, despite being irritated by your heading, until you got to the eyebrows… Hardly vital

So that's your take away from the whole post. Never mind all the swearing, threats of kicking her out etc

Sure it may not be vital but if she had an appointment and wanted them done for her holiday why not? I usually leave mine and other treatments until the day before, even when the kids were small but there again I didn't ( dont) have a twat of a husband.
Dh always has his haircut, beard trim etc the day of the holiday or if an early set of, the afternoon before. I would look after the kids. Op getting eyebrows done is just the same.

You don’t have to make excuses to some random on the internet for anything in your life.
It’s important to you and that’s good enough.
You feel me? Good. ❤️

I agree. My DH does this all the time. Asks my opinion on something then argues with me about why his idea is better. And it's always delivered as if it was me that asked him the question in the first place, not the other way around. So irritating.

I think it’s fine to suggest something else. You can ask someone what do you fancy doing and if they say something you don’t want to do, you can carry the convo on with a different idea. It’s just spitballing. Even if he found that irritating there’s no excuse to act the way he did.

And getting your eyebrows done is perfectly reasonable.

The responses suggesting his reaction is reasonable because you making a suggestion is irritating are unhinged.

OP said she didn't want to divorce. There's clearly poor communication between OP and her partner and built up resentment, he may have unresolved grief. There's nothing wrong with trying couples counselling if both people want to make the relationship work. People can and do change.

She also said he is the "worst person that ever existed" - so I am not sure she is thinking straight at the moment.Why would she want to stay with him if she really feels that way?

Hopefully when she gets a bit of time for herself she will realise she has agency and can choose to leave this abuser.

Here's an idea.... have you thought about deliberately having another baby in what sounds like a heavily dysfunctional - even abusive - relationship?

TTC baby no 2 impossible | Mumsnet

This place never surprises me.

Nothing you said should’ve triggered his response. Please try and start therapy or seek out support because you shouldn’t be putting up with this. It’s not in anyway awful for you to want to just get your eyebrows threaded!!!! And what happened after you have birth is horrible and the fact he said that is disgusting.

Are you all still going on holiday?

This is so cruel and horrible to post this. You’ve clearly never experienced anything like OP has. Have you heard the phrase if you don’t have anything nice to say dont say anything at all.

My first thought also...

Wtf? Why have you posted this other than being deliberately cruel and goady?

It doesn’t sound like communication is great in general. You asked him what he thought you should do about dinner then immediately responded with your idea (that doesn’t seem to solve the issue of the adults having no dinner anyway?). Then you say later on that you were going to ask if he wanted to take her out so you can get jobs done. If YOU want him to take her out so you can get jobs done then asking him if HE wants to (rather than simply asking him to) is the wrong way to go about it. Don’t get me wrong his response is terrible but it sounds like bloody hard work all round.

And in reference to the last post, yeah I wouldn’t be having any more kids together.

What she "wants" is irrelevant to the welfare of the child. No one should be raised in this atmosphere.

No it absolutely is not ?!?

The fuck??? At no point did or would my dh EVER threaten to throw me out of the house or shout fuck fuck fuck at me.

this man is not someone you behave kindly to and spend more time with. He’s the man you leave.