Page 10 | My husband is the worst human that can ever exist

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/05/2025 09:19

Blackdow · 03/05/2025 15:07

You both sound quite shitty. I actually 100% agree with him about asking someone what they want to do when you already have an idea, instead of just saying your idea. It’s one of the most irritating things to be asked for a solution, give one and then get, “Oh actually, I think…” as a reply. Just say what you want to do. It sounds like you do it a lot and he is fed up of it.

The rest, however, is not great. He sounds pretty awful, you sound argumentative. You don’t sound like you enjoy each other, you both sound unhappy and you probably should go through with the separation. You sound very very unsuited and stressed and miserable.

You can express confusion at ops communication without exploding with anger and storming off tho'

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/05/2025 09:20

Whatahardlife · 03/05/2025 15:13

I can't understand the way pp are glossing over the fact he threatened to physically kick her out the house.

And the number of pp who are turning this on to OP as though it's her fault.

I don't know what is happening on MN lately that posters are apparently on the side of male aggression. It's unbelievable.

Edited

I Agree!!!

It's not a normal or acceptable way for anyone to react, even if op had asked an 'annoying' question people are allowed to be imperfect in their communication without being abused

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/05/2025 09:21

Don't be mean to op about her eyebrows most of us like to get some grooming done to feel nice and pretty on a holiday and her DH knows this

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/05/2025 09:25

Op he really reminds me of my ex. When you said how he treated you postpartum this reminds me of me telling my ex when I was 8m pregnant I felt like I was just. Living in survival mode now (he wasn't helping with anything at all) and he similarly berated me
Saying it's not like a live on a refugee camp.

Books I strongly recommend for you-

Why does he do that? L BANCROFT
It's not you DR RAMANI
How to annihilate a narcissist in the family court

I'm sorry pp have been victim blaming, I imagine they have inexperience of being with an abusive man

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/05/2025 09:28

Ps I also see what you're doing with ttc. It's a huge pain for me that I might not have a sibling for my dc when all my nct friends are getting pregnant with baby 2 now. If you already have to coparent one child with this prick then why not have another and leave him while you're pregnant. Better in many ways then having two children and different dads to deal with .

YourWildAmberSloth · 04/05/2025 09:37

You are in an abusive relationship OP, - the fact that you basically tiptoe around him so that you don't set him off, tells me that the relationship is abusive even if you don't want to acknowledge it. It is not an ideal situation to bring another child into.

LannieDuck · 04/05/2025 11:09

"Said he’ll physically kick me out of the house. "

Threatening violence is never ok. Are you safe in this relationship?

Adidas105 · 04/05/2025 11:15

LannieDuck · 04/05/2025 11:09

"Said he’ll physically kick me out of the house. "

Threatening violence is never ok. Are you safe in this relationship?

Get an occupation order alongside a non molestation order. It's a simple online form you can print off and give to a county court. You can walk in tell the clerk your problem and a judge will see you almost immediately. Don't be frightened. You need to protect yourself. Breach of an order can be automatic imprisonment. Look after yourself.

Bbbabs · 04/05/2025 14:16

Some of the responses on this thread are so disheartening. So fucking what if she wants to get her eyebrows done before her holiday. It's not even about the eyebrows, it's him engineering this outcome so that she can't have time to herself, and he doesn't have to mind his kid.

And so fucking what if they are trying for a baby. Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult. Even recognising that you are in an abusive relationship is difficult.

Trawling through her posts and tearing her down. Some of you should be ashamed of your behaviour.

PoppyRoseBucky · 04/05/2025 14:42

I don't know why people are focusing so heavily on the eyebrow thing.

Guess what? A lot of women get their eyebrows/hair/nails done before going on holiday. This is normal and not some outlandishly crazy thing the OP is doing!

Now to the real issue-I think this is headed for divorce. Sorry, OP. If he jumps from a relatively tame argument about dinner plans (albeit, I do understand being a bit frustrated about the suggestion thing. I hate it when someone asks for my opinion on something, and then goes, "well, actually...") to he's going to physically kick you out of your home, and divorce you-this doesn't bode well.

It sounds like it could be a manipulation tactic. "If you argue with me, I'll divorce you." Either way, not healthy.

It does sound like he's possible stirred an argument so he can storm out and leave you to do all the chores for holiday. It doesn't sound like a particularly happy marriage and your DD will pick up on this.

Call him on his bluff about the divorce and do it.

Adidas105 · 04/05/2025 15:50

PoppyRoseBucky · 04/05/2025 14:42

I don't know why people are focusing so heavily on the eyebrow thing.

Guess what? A lot of women get their eyebrows/hair/nails done before going on holiday. This is normal and not some outlandishly crazy thing the OP is doing!

Now to the real issue-I think this is headed for divorce. Sorry, OP. If he jumps from a relatively tame argument about dinner plans (albeit, I do understand being a bit frustrated about the suggestion thing. I hate it when someone asks for my opinion on something, and then goes, "well, actually...") to he's going to physically kick you out of your home, and divorce you-this doesn't bode well.

It sounds like it could be a manipulation tactic. "If you argue with me, I'll divorce you." Either way, not healthy.

It does sound like he's possible stirred an argument so he can storm out and leave you to do all the chores for holiday. It doesn't sound like a particularly happy marriage and your DD will pick up on this.

Call him on his bluff about the divorce and do it.

I need my eyebrows doing

Theroadt · 04/05/2025 22:53

OneFineDay13 · 03/05/2025 16:20

@Theroadt - jeez your a real womens woman aren't you. Now patronising suggesting the OP is being OTT 😳

things are rarely one-sided 🤷🏻‍♀️

FairKoala · 05/05/2025 07:28

ArminTamzerian · 04/05/2025 02:02

I feel so low like how could this happen to me? Just a normal nice husband was all I’d wanted and gotten this twat of a man

It's not a lottery, he wasn't assigned to you. He's the man you picked, you chose to marry him.

Take responsibility

He is either having an affair or he has a as n addiction and my money and it looks like his money is on gambling

FairKoala · 05/05/2025 07:32

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 03/05/2025 23:18

When I was younger I used to argue with my husband before events: people coming round, holidays, going to meet people. I used to get worked up and my tone would change and I would be snappy. My husband would react to this and we’d argue.

It’s taken me years to realise I don’t need to get so wound up. My husband would get to the point he’d say he didn’t want people over because of how stressed I’d get before they came, trying to make the house look a certain way or whatever. That goes as you get older.

Try and make up and have a lovely holiday. Remember to reflect on your own behaviour as well as his.

Did you storm off though for hours on end

Adidas105 · 05/05/2025 07:35

FairKoala · 05/05/2025 07:28

He is either having an affair or he has a as n addiction and my money and it looks like his money is on gambling

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Mine was shopping. My ex played hell about my spending but we could afford it. My vice was and still is cars....mercs

shrewdasserpentsinnocentasdoves · 05/05/2025 07:55

summerscomingsoon · 03/05/2025 16:36

I thought exactly the same. You're talking about divorce. Swearing ay each other etc and your main concern is getting your eyebrows done.

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What is wrong with your reading comprehension?!?

It was the husband, not the OP, who swore and mentioned divorce.

The OP reads as an abusive relationship and a number of posters on here are joining in the gaslighting for reasons known only to them. Telling the OP, "you both sound stressed" is minimising it. The husband's behaviour is shitty in a way that is inexcusable regardless of stress, and of course the OP is stressed because she is on the receiving end of such shitty behaviour.

shrewdasserpentsinnocentasdoves · 05/05/2025 08:07

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 03/05/2025 23:18

When I was younger I used to argue with my husband before events: people coming round, holidays, going to meet people. I used to get worked up and my tone would change and I would be snappy. My husband would react to this and we’d argue.

It’s taken me years to realise I don’t need to get so wound up. My husband would get to the point he’d say he didn’t want people over because of how stressed I’d get before they came, trying to make the house look a certain way or whatever. That goes as you get older.

Try and make up and have a lovely holiday. Remember to reflect on your own behaviour as well as his.

@Theextraordinaryisintheordinary it's great that you've reflected on your own relationship and past mistakes, but you can't project that onto another person's situation. Maybe you used to get worked up before events but that doesn't mean that the OP is doing the same thing as you did.
What if the OP isn't doing anything to provoke her husband but he is behaving terribly towards her anyway? What if she's actually doing everything she can to not provoke him, and he's still storming out and threatening divorce?

People in abusive relationships spend ages reflecting on their own behaviour and blaming themselves- it's called DARVO. Google it.

shrewdasserpentsinnocentasdoves · 05/05/2025 08:11

Theroadt · 04/05/2025 22:53

things are rarely one-sided 🤷🏻‍♀️

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This is just patronising and ignorant.
So there's no such thing as an abusive relationship then? Those 2 women per week who get beaten to death by their partners are just as bad?

Adidas105 · 05/05/2025 08:25

baari · 03/05/2025 14:58

Currently stormed out of the house
we have a flight to catch tmrw and a billion things to do
needed his help to watch our toddler whilst she’s asleep I can go do some shopping but he’s left the house
stormed out because I asked him what should we do for dinner as there’s no food since we’re flying so fridge is empty. Said he’ll go grab some frozen meals and I said or we can take our toddler to soft play and she can eat there. Then he got annoyed and said If you already have something in mind then why ask me. I explained it was just a suggestion like his idea. Started to swear at me because my tone changed and he apparently hates if I speak with an angry tone. Said he’ll physically kick me out of the house. Proceeded to say f*ck a few more times at me and swear. Then said he wants to Divorce. Then said he never wants to buy a house because why buy a house if he’s planning on divorcing. Then I said you don’t have enough money for A down payment anywya. Financially he stresses me out. Has zero savings. Not sure what he wastes his money on. I earn less than him but have more savings. Whenever I mention this he says he doesn’t have savings because how much he spends on us as a family. That is fAr from the truth I do half rent and most groceries and swimming and nursery for our toddler and he does bills and we both share council tax. Now he’s stormed out after he went out for two hours this morning. I really need to go get my eyebrows done.
I feel so low like how could this happen to me? Just a normal nice husband was all I’d wanted and gotten this twat of a man

Just get divorced and get your peace back. You're not destined to be together imo. My marriage was like yours until I petitioned for divorce. All is well now. It'll take time but it's worth it.

Theroadt · 05/05/2025 14:34

shrewdasserpentsinnocentasdoves · 05/05/2025 08:11

This is just patronising and ignorant.
So there's no such thing as an abusive relationship then? Those 2 women per week who get beaten to death by their partners are just as bad?

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I’m going by the thread title. None of us knows exactly what has been going in, do we? Each of us interprets through the lense of our individual experience. Nothing I wrote condones what you havd assumed. Nothing. You are just trying to pick a fight 🤷🏻‍♀️

shrewdasserpentsinnocentasdoves · 05/05/2025 20:47

Theroadt · 05/05/2025 14:34

I’m going by the thread title. None of us knows exactly what has been going in, do we? Each of us interprets through the lense of our individual experience. Nothing I wrote condones what you havd assumed. Nothing. You are just trying to pick a fight 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Are you saying that you posted your comment based only on the thread title?

You've responded to a post that has a number of indications of an abusive relationship, and replied that "these things are rarely one-sided". This suggests that you either think the OP is lying or you think her husband's behaviour is not that bad.

Perhaps you're fortunate enough not to have experienced an abusive relationship, but literally the worst possible ways to respond to someone who is going through it are minimising, disbelieving, or suggesting that the abusive behaviour has been provoked.

I'm not trying to pick a fight at all. But if your general position on relationship difficulties is "these things are rarely one-sided" then you're making it sound a lot like you don't believe that abuse happens, or at least that you don't believe that emotional abuse or coercive control exists.

FairKoala · 06/05/2025 15:17

Adidas105 · 05/05/2025 07:35

Mine was shopping. My ex played hell about my spending but we could afford it. My vice was and still is cars....mercs

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As I said it is a script

Cause an argument to go out and meet your affair partner or get your fix