Page 7 | My husband is the worst human that can ever exist

baari · 2025-05-03T13:58:17+00:00

Currently stormed out of the house we have a flight to catch tmrw and a billion things to do needed his help to watch our toddler whilst she’s asleep I can go do some shopping but he’s left the house stormed out because I asked him what should we do for dinner as there’s no food since we’re flying so fridge is empty. Said he’ll go grab some frozen meals and I said or we can take our toddler to soft play and she can eat there. Then he got annoyed and said If you already have something in mind then why ask me. I explained it was just a suggestion like his idea. Started to swear at me because my tone changed and he apparently hates if I speak with an angry tone. Said he’ll physically kick me out of the house. Proceeded to say f*ck a few more times at me and swear. Then said he wants to Divorce. Then said he never wants to buy a house because why buy a house if he’s planning on divorcing. Then I said you don’t have enough money for A down payment anywya. Financially he stresses me out. Has zero savings. Not sure what he wastes his money on. I earn less than him but have more savings. Whenever I mention this he says he doesn’t have savings because how much he spends on us as a family. That is fAr from the truth I do half rent and most groceries and swimming and nursery for our toddler and he does bills and we both share council tax. Now he’s stormed out after he went out for two hours this morning. I really need to go get my eyebrows done. I feel so low like how could this happen to me? Just a normal nice husband was all I’d wanted and gotten this twat of a man

DyslexicPoster · 03/05/2025 19:18

Whatahardlife · 03/05/2025 15:13

I can't understand the way pp are glossing over the fact he threatened to physically kick her out the house.

And the number of pp who are turning this on to OP as though it's her fault.

I don't know what is happening on MN lately that posters are apparently on the side of male aggression. It's unbelievable.

Edited

I agree. When has become ok for dhs to sweat and threaten the mothers of their kids and partners? Im bringing my dd up to know this isnt normal. Dh has never sworn at me.

Anyway talking about what's for dinner is the most mind numbing convo me and dh have every day. We ask each other daily and i might have a idea but dhs might be better so I ask him. Neither of us get mortally offended. We're both happy if it involves to other person sorting it tbh.

AllWhitNoWhoo · 03/05/2025 19:19

Iwantamarshmallowman · 03/05/2025 16:16

I think he sounds like a massive twat and you should leave after holliday.

She'll probably be pregnant again by then.
They are trying.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/05/2025 19:22

Brandyb · 03/05/2025 16:50

Sounds like a shitty way to live. What would it cost him to be kind? Does he even like you? If you don't stand up to him I'd be worried it'll just get worse. I would start thinking about leaving in your shoes. You don't have to do anything immediately, but maybe allow a plan to begin forming in your mind.

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Agreed. Treating you like that when you were recovering from a difficult birth... and his nasty temper tantrums

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/05/2025 19:23

AllWhitNoWhoo · 03/05/2025 19:19

She'll probably be pregnant again by then.
They are trying.

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Where has she even said that?

AllWhitNoWhoo · 03/05/2025 19:25

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/05/2025 19:23

Where has she even said that?

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Previous threads

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 03/05/2025 19:25

baari · 03/05/2025 16:41

He was a lot different when we were dating
his mum passed away from cancer before we got married and he changed
in the first two years of my marriage I was very careful on how I phrased things and never did anything to upset him. He would still
swear at me. There are moments of nice and normality but also those episodes.
then once I gave birth, and had complications post labour with my episiotomy (if anyone has had it will know how it’s awful). It got infected and all the stitches came out and I had an open wound that was very painful
plsu retained products. One night I couldn’t sleep and came to
bim crying (6 days post partum) as I couldn’t stop crying due to all this. He told me I’m over reacting because it’s not like I have cancer. I know I didn’t get cancer like his mum but idk I feel a bit upset since then with him although I don’t try to show it or mention it .
Maybe yeah we should get divorced but I’m not comfortable with that idea. Somehow just crying on and trying my best to not trigger him seems easier. Probably TMI

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My ex-husband was like this. He saved his true self until we'd married.
Deep breath - do you actually want to go on holiday with him tomorrow? If it's not going to be a relaxing break then I'm not sure I would be getting that plane.
Only you know if your marriage is worth working through and choosing to make work. If he's not worth it, then the sooner you walk away the better for you and your wee one.

Missingpop · 03/05/2025 19:27

I hope you read this post Baari; your husband has no right to verbally abuse you; ok he’s hurt his mum died but it’s not your fault & walking in egg shells isn’t healthy for you or the baby; shouting; swearing & threatening a divorce is abuse; he is an abuser; like it or not & just the fact you’ve written you avoid upsetting shows you are aware of this you know this is going to impact on your child in the long term do you really want them growing up watching daddy speaking to mummy like she’s trash? Get out now whilst you still have your self respect intact; leave him to wallow in his own self pity millions have lost parents & don’t behave like this it’s unacceptable x

MyLittleNest · 03/05/2025 19:28

Wish I could give advice, but only chiming in to say that my DH reacts the same way in these types of "arguments" in that you weren't even starting one, just communicating, and he had to blow it all out of proportion. It's an exhausting way to live. When someone threatens divorce or telling you to leave over something this trivial, it's a sign that they truly can't regulate their emotions.

It sucks and you are not alone. However, I would NOT have any more children with this man.

CheeseWisely · 03/05/2025 19:34

@blueleavesgreenskyI’ve read all the OP’s posts. She doesn’t appear to want to divorce the waste of space, in fact it turns out they’re trying for another baby, so going forward it might make the situation smoother all round if they can learn to communicate more clearly and less passive aggressively / openly aggressively with each other. Don’t ask your partner what they want to do if you’ve already decided what you want them to do and then be disappointed when their answer doesn’t match your expectation.

It’ll be like chucking a damp rag at a raging house fire but it doesn’t sound like anything else is open to change.

Chickenrun86 · 03/05/2025 19:36

I love the sentence about eyebrows plonked in the middle 😂

Chungai · 03/05/2025 19:37

Magentaflies · 03/05/2025 16:54

This.

I’ve only read up to this post but absolutely disgusted at the replies. He threatened to physically kick her out of the house, she clearly pays far more to family finances than him, yet he clearly resents ‘his’ money going on the family and blames that for him having no cash.

He’s clearly a man whose planning to abandon his child to be raised by his wife, as it’s all harder and not as fun as he thought it would be.

Yet people are excusing him as he’s ’stressed’, And telling OP she’s as bad?!

OP, sorry, he’s an arse of a man. You’d be better of going it alone.

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Agree 100%

Based on OP he's acted horrifically. OP has just given him a few home truths back.

He sounds awful. I think you'd be happier without him.

TisILeClair · 03/05/2025 19:43

DH sounds immature and a bit of a dick but “I really need to go get my eyebrows done” did make me laugh. Sounds like you are both stressed but his reaction is way over the top.

Boreded · 03/05/2025 19:45

I still stand by what I said

MumWifeOther · 03/05/2025 19:45

Why are you going on holiday with him? If things are that bad, he won’t change. End it.

Velmy · 03/05/2025 19:46

"The worst human to ever exist"

"Vital eyebrows"

It sounds like you both need to take a breath and reset.

anareen · 03/05/2025 19:49

I really hope you can get your eyebrows done at the end of all of this............ heavens 🤦🏻‍♀️

Dingalingalong · 03/05/2025 19:50

GarlicPile · 03/05/2025 17:07

'Have you thought about what to do for dinner today - we could take DC to soft play and they can eat there and we can pick up some pizza for us on the way home, but if you'd prefer to do something else, lets figure it out now?'

Fucking hell, this sounds like a work meeting with notoriously difficult colleagues 😂 Don't forget to take notes!

In my life, it goes more like:
A: Fridge is empty, we'll need dinner.
B: I'll get some ready meals while I'm out.
A: We're taking DD to soft play, she could eat there.
B: She can, but I'm not settling for an overpriced cheese slice at 4pm!
A: Good point, let's get a pizza & wine deal for later.

I've had hundreds (at least) of these exchanges and they have NEVER resulted in threats of violence and screams for divorce!

I was thinking the same. Who the fuck are all these PPs who if you ask them about dinner and they give you an option, you are not allowed to give another option yourself. What on Earth!?
Most of my conversations about anything with my partner are like that. What would you like for X? Mmh, what about this? Oh yeah, or what about that? Yeah, why not? Cool.
It's a fucking conversation where both sides are allowed to give their opinions and offer options. The fuck is wrong with everyone!

OP, your husband sound like a vile bastard, and he treats you like shit. And i know you don't like the sounds of divorce, but frankly, he'd do you a service by leaving.

Original poster

baari · 03/05/2025 19:50

Missingpop · 03/05/2025 19:27

I hope you read this post Baari; your husband has no right to verbally abuse you; ok he’s hurt his mum died but it’s not your fault & walking in egg shells isn’t healthy for you or the baby; shouting; swearing & threatening a divorce is abuse; he is an abuser; like it or not & just the fact you’ve written you avoid upsetting shows you are aware of this you know this is going to impact on your child in the long term do you really want them growing up watching daddy speaking to mummy like she’s trash? Get out now whilst you still have your self respect intact; leave him to wallow in his own self pity millions have lost parents & don’t behave like this it’s unacceptable x

He’s very different as a father, and routinely says I’m a bad husband but a good father
he spends a lot of 1:1 time with her and cares for her deeply.
which is surprising for me as during pregnancy all he did was ignore me as much as he could.

OP posts:

Dingalingalong · 03/05/2025 19:52

baari · 03/05/2025 19:50

He’s very different as a father, and routinely says I’m a bad husband but a good father
he spends a lot of 1:1 time with her and cares for her deeply.
which is surprising for me as during pregnancy all he did was ignore me as much as he could.

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He's not a good father if he mistreats and abuses his wife/their kid's mother.That sets a horrible example for relationship and for the male treatment of women. Your daughter and you deserve better.

Original poster

baari · 03/05/2025 19:53

kittensinthekitchen · 03/05/2025 18:03

Here's an idea.... have you thought about deliberately having another baby in what sounds like a heavily dysfunctional - even abusive - relationship?

TTC baby no 2 impossible | Mumsnet

This place never surprises me.

I would just like to say things were different when I posted this. Like I said his behaviour comes in bursts and there are periods of normalcy. Obviously I always hope things will stay good and hence I’d like to give my wee one a sibling.
things are different now and I would struggle to be intimate with him
you don’t always know the full story

OP posts:

Boreded · 03/05/2025 19:55

baari · 03/05/2025 19:53

I would just like to say things were different when I posted this. Like I said his behaviour comes in bursts and there are periods of normalcy. Obviously I always hope things will stay good and hence I’d like to give my wee one a sibling.
things are different now and I would struggle to be intimate with him
you don’t always know the full story

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It was 2 weeks ago. Unless he committed mass genocide in those 2 weeks he didn’t just got from someone you want to have a second baby with to the worst human to exist.

you need to leave him because he is an arse. You also need to think hard about whether you are making smart choices in the future

324GG · 03/05/2025 19:56

baari · 03/05/2025 19:53

I would just like to say things were different when I posted this. Like I said his behaviour comes in bursts and there are periods of normalcy. Obviously I always hope things will stay good and hence I’d like to give my wee one a sibling.
things are different now and I would struggle to be intimate with him
you don’t always know the full story

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That was 3 weeks ago - yet you said he has been like this since his mum died/ you were pregnant.

Make your mind up fgs

JHound · 03/05/2025 19:56

So I get his annoyance at you asking him about what he wants to do for dinner when you clearly already have an idea.

But that pales into comparison to how he spoke to you in response and the threats he made towards you.

Maybe it’s the stress of young children but you need therapy to work through it.

Jambolass · 03/05/2025 19:56

baari · 03/05/2025 19:53

I would just like to say things were different when I posted this. Like I said his behaviour comes in bursts and there are periods of normalcy. Obviously I always hope things will stay good and hence I’d like to give my wee one a sibling.
things are different now and I would struggle to be intimate with him
you don’t always know the full story

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So things were different when you posted FIVE HOURS ago?

324GG · 03/05/2025 19:58

I'm calling troll - and yes, I have reported it