My husband is the worst human that can ever exist

[baari]

Currently stormed out of the house
we have a flight to catch tmrw and a billion things to do
needed his help to watch our toddler whilst she’s asleep I can go do some shopping but he’s left the house
stormed out because I asked him what should we do for dinner as there’s no food since we’re flying so fridge is empty. Said he’ll go grab some frozen meals and I said or we can take our toddler to soft play and she can eat there. Then he got annoyed and said If you already have something in mind then why ask me. I explained it was just a suggestion like his idea. Started to swear at me because my tone changed and he apparently hates if I speak with an angry tone. Said he’ll physically kick me out of the house. Proceeded to say f*ck a few more times at me and swear. Then said he wants to Divorce. Then said he never wants to buy a house because why buy a house if he’s planning on divorcing. Then I said you don’t have enough money for A down payment anywya. Financially he stresses me out. Has zero savings. Not sure what he wastes his money on. I earn less than him but have more savings. Whenever I mention this he says he doesn’t have savings because how much he spends on us as a family. That is fAr from the truth I do half rent and most groceries and swimming and nursery for our toddler and he does bills and we both share council tax. Now he’s stormed out after he went out for two hours this morning. I really need to go get my eyebrows done.
I feel so low like how could this happen to me? Just a normal nice husband was all I’d wanted and gotten this twat of a man

I thought exactly the same. You're talking about divorce. Swearing ay each other etc and your main concern is getting your eyebrows done.

This is a well-known conversational difference: some people only ask a question if they want to know the answer, whereas some people ask questions just as part of their thinking out loud process.

Yes it can be irritating, but this reaction was waiting to be happen - he didn't go from perfectly calm and happy to storming out the house because of one question.

I like to think I'm quite pleasant and reasonable most of the time, but I get really stressy around travelling. Part of being married is forgiving the other person when they're occasionally a twat. But only you know whether this is occasional behaviour that he's likely to apologise for, or whether it's fairly standard behaviour for him.

So he went out to get the food from the shops?
I hope he'll bring something back. Text him and say please bring back xyz food items.
He's bang out of order for swearing and overreacting in the way he did. If that's how he usually behaves then I would be initiating a divorce.
But I don't think getting ones eyebrows done is the most pressing thing to be doing when you're all so busy. I've personally never had my eyebrows done and somehow survived? But that's not to say he doesn't sound a massive dick.

Then leave him.

but you won’t.

Your poor child being brought up in all this 😔

He was a lot different when we were dating
his mum passed away from cancer before we got married and he changed
in the first two years of my marriage I was very careful on how I phrased things and never did anything to upset him. He would still
swear at me. There are moments of nice and normality but also those episodes.
then once I gave birth, and had complications post labour with my episiotomy (if anyone has had it will know how it’s awful). It got infected and all the stitches came out and I had an open wound that was very painful
plsu retained products. One night I couldn’t sleep and came to
bim crying (6 days post partum) as I couldn’t stop crying due to all this. He told me I’m over reacting because it’s not like I have cancer. I know I didn’t get cancer like his mum but idk I feel a bit upset since then with him although I don’t try to show it or mention it .
Maybe yeah we should get divorced but I’m not comfortable with that idea. Somehow just crying on and trying my best to not trigger him seems easier. Probably TMI

I don't think you've been particularly shitty, however if you often communicate like that, ie asking him for a suggesting then offering your suggestion, yes, that is really fucking annoying.

When you ask him for a suggestion, you're saying (he thinks!) 'I don't know what we should do, can you solve this problem'.

So he comes up with a solution.

Then you offer your suggestion, he feels like 'why did you need to ask me, if you already had an idea in the first place'.

If you do this repeatedly, he probably feels like his suggestions are never good enough, so why should he bother.

So if you are going to ask him, but you already have an idea, word it differently.

Ie: 'Have you thought about what to do for dinner today - we could take DC to soft play and they can eat there and we can pick up some pizza for us on the way home, but if you'd prefer to do something else, lets figure it out now?'

That tells him you want his input, here's your input...

But regardless of all of the above, storming out, threatening to physically kick you out and using divorce as a threat isn't acceptable behaviour.

@baari you can do better op.
I've been married a long time and the only remark dh ever made that was nasty towards me was a few months after his df had died. I pulled him up on it and he apologised.
If he threatens divorce be nonchalant eg. Well that’s your choice.
He’s using it as a threat to make you behave, don’t take the bait.

he changed in the first two years of my marriage I was very careful on how I phrased things and never did anything to upset him. He would still
swear at me.

Sounds as if you have already put up with too much for too long.

Thank you, others seem to think I was just being nasty!

It actually sounds to me like a financial issue. I think if you asked your hubby he probably feels very uncomfortable about all the spending, hence the cheaper dinner option he suggested. The play place probably tipped him over the edge. Are you guys spending too much, could you rein something in?

Sounds like a shitty way to live. What would it cost him to be kind? Does he even like you? If you don't stand up to him I'd be worried it'll just get worse. I would start thinking about leaving in your shoes. You don't have to do anything immediately, but maybe allow a plan to begin forming in your mind.

What about couples counselling

This.

I’ve only read up to this post but absolutely disgusted at the replies. He threatened to physically kick her out of the house, she clearly pays far more to family finances than him, yet he clearly resents ‘his’ money going on the family and blames that for him having no cash.

He’s clearly a man whose planning to abandon his child to be raised by his wife, as it’s all harder and not as fun as he thought it would be.

Yet people are excusing him as he’s ’stressed’, And telling OP she’s as bad?!

OP, sorry, he’s an arse of a man. You’d be better of going it alone.

My sister is like that. The words “Sure!” and “ok, great” don’t exist in her vocabulary. She always has a competitive counter suggestion.

Then she wonders why two husbands have dumped her, her friendships wane and I’m about to go NC.

You read that and your thought was couples counselling?!

JFC.

No wonder so many women stay with truly horrible men.

OP, he is awful and he won’t change.

He won’t change. Getting disproportionally angry, leaving you treading on eggshells is abusive. I’m you 14 years on and just filed for divorce. You don’t have to live with someone who makes you feel like you can’t be yourself. He’s talking divorce. If he’s not serious that’s abuse too. If he is you need to talk about that and sort it out. Either way get legal advice. A short marriage can be financially better in divorce for the higher earner than a long one.

'Have you thought about what to do for dinner today - we could take DC to soft play and they can eat there and we can pick up some pizza for us on the way home, but if you'd prefer to do something else, lets figure it out now?'

Fucking hell, this sounds like a work meeting with notoriously difficult colleagues 😂 Don't forget to take notes!

In my life, it goes more like:
A: Fridge is empty, we'll need dinner.
B: I'll get some ready meals while I'm out.
A: We're taking DD to soft play, she could eat there.
B: She can, but I'm not settling for an overpriced cheese slice at 4pm!
A: Good point, let's get a pizza & wine deal for later.

I've had hundreds (at least) of these exchanges and they have NEVER resulted in threats of violence and screams for divorce!

It sounds like a sad marriage and he is not a kind man. I think you would be happier divorced. Don't you?

Do you realise he’s abusive? What will he be doing while he’s out of the house? He’s trained you well to walk on eggshells and not annoy him, hasn’t he? Is this how you want to live forever? And train your dd to also walk on eggshells?

He sounds exhausting. Why do you want to stay with him?

Time to go your separate ways for the sake of your child. If you don't if children's services get wind your child could be take away. Leave him.

You both sound immature and volatile.

‘All I wanted was a nice husband and I got this twat’ is interesting. You chose to marry him. You didn’t win him in a raffle.

Is the flight for a holiday? Because if so I wouldn't be going.

It’s difficult to know the situation because it’s one side of a story told in a very one sided way. But if you read your messages over again hopefully it will become clear even to you that you don’t like him. From your perspective he is horrible, offers no support and changed after his mother died. So leave him.

@ItGhoul ha ha- very true