My husband is unattracted to me I’ve done everything he has asked

[sadfish19]

First off I have gained a lot of weight during my long relationship.Which is my fault I didn’t realize how depressed I was until I got better. I take full responsibility and I am greatful that my husband didn’t leave me then. I know I am a great wife I cook all the meals do all the cleaning I even take care of all the financials. Besides outdoor projects he doesn’t really have to lift a finger. I work from home so I’m always here.

Over the past few years I have taken steps to lose weight and be more active. The past 6 months the I’ve been on a GLP1 and lost 30 more lbs I’m 5’2 so it’s very noticeable he has even completed me on it. I feel really proud of myself and feeling confident and good. Of course I wanted to be healthier but the day I ordered the medication started with my husband telling me everything he was unhappy about my body the way I dress not being feminine enough etc.

Ever since then I make a daily effort to check all of the boxes he has made for me I make sure to make myself presentable everyday before my husband comes home .I have a rule that I wear a dress every other day at least.
Do hair/makeup at least multiple times a week.

Exactly 6 months almost to the day he has the same issues with me. Like I have done absolutely nothing even though on a daily basis I make sure to check those boxes he wanted from me.
Over the past year and a half I have made an effort to do more cardio I get at least 10k steps a day and it has really helped with weight loss. My stamina is amazing now. He told me that doesn’t count and I need to actually work out. I need to get ready everyday like I’m going to a “real job” I wfm.

I’m already doing these things and I get no credit at all in another 6 months I feel like it’s going to happen again. Even if I look good everyday and lose as much more weight as I can.
I don’t know what to do I have no friends or anyone I can talk to. I feel like I’m going insane.
I’ve been so happy lately feeling better about myself thinking everything is great and he’s still unhappy. Nothing I do is ever good enough even if it’s exactly what is asked of me I don’t get it.
He never has to feel like his partner doesn’t like him or doesn’t want him.

Sadly there will likely always be another thing he wants or expects you to do to make him happy.
A few more comments about your appearance, work etc.
It is never just the once with these people. The times when they go back to nice / charming mode are calculated to lull you into a false sense of security. Vulnerable to the next hit of unpleasantness
Many of us have been in or seen these relationships. Please stick up for and care for yourself.

Congratulations you married an arsehole. There is only one solution to this and it is not a diet! He will slowly crush your soul until you are a grey shadow of your former self. Ditch him now!

We are always together unless he’s at work I have his location he is not cheating

He shouldn’t be saying it at all !!!
You’re a person, not a trophy for him to put on display.

Try giving him a list of all his faults and exactly how you want him to dress. Then leave him.

firstly I am sorry you feel this way - it must be awful.

I don’t believe that you marry for looks. Yes, initially that’s what attracts you to a partner but looks change as you get older, and I’m sure he’s not a spring chicken himself. You marry out of love for that person, their values and how they complete you as a person.

i think the issue here is that you got together very young. Correct me if I’m wrong but unless he is considerably older than you, you got together at 16/17? So likely both your first relationship. I think as he’s not likely to have experienced many girlfriends, it may be that that’s what he is missing. It is very rare for childhood sweethearts to last forever.

Whilst it is ok to fall out of love, no longer be interested in being with the person you started out with, there is no place in telling you how or what you need to change and nit pick your every choice. That’s emotional abuse. If I were you, I’d give him an ultimatum. Either you take me as I am, or the door is that way. And point out to him he’s not aged with grace either.

I love working from home I think he’d prefer if I didn’t but I would never go back to in office it’s horrible for my mental health

My husband sees me everyday wearing stained tshirts and lounge pants because our baby has smeared whatever food she's eating on me, I haven't worn make up in years and my hair is lucky if it sees a brush some days but my husband tells me I am beautiful everyday because that is what a loving husband does, yours sounds controlling and awful if I'm honest and it sounds like he's destroyed your confidence completely when he should be supportive and helping you feel good about yourself, it sounds like you are doing everything for him and getting nothing in return to me, if I were you I'd be planning on how I'd be getting out of that marriage he is doing you no good at all

there's something else in your life that's horrible for your mental health

Sorry, you have abased yourself before him and he doesn’t respect you. He will continue not to respect you as long as you keep showing him that your self worth is only based on your value to him.

listen to the good advice here. Like yourself for you you are. Do things for you. Start to have better expectations of him as a fellow adult - why shouldn’t he continue to the household management as an equal for example? He is not a prince to be placed on a pedestal - frankly he sounds like an arse.

Have you considered being more feminine and not chasing him? Malicious compliance. It isn't up to women to chase (see nature, the man should do the woo'ing). Start telling him "Well I'm sorry that's how you feel about my efforts", be proud of yourself and take yourself out. Go to classes, hobbies, meet new people. Watch him chase when he sees you having a brand new life without him. If he doesn't chase, it's over.

I work full time we make the same amount of money.

You need to change this. Stop being joined at the hip, it’s not healthy for you only to do things as a couple. Start doing something yourself out of the house a couple of hours a week, a hobby or a local group or something where you get to meet people as your own person, not half a couple

You need to get some self-respect, OP!
It’s not your job to ‘make him happy’. Just be yourself. Make yourself happy. Screw him, he has to accept you the way you are (and shut up about it) or leave (in which case, good riddance).

Also just adding to the cheating posts. It is totally plausible. Even though you have his location and he goes to work and comes straight home, he can have an emotional affair with someone from work very easily. Messages through work chats, conversations in the day you would never see as they get deleted before he gets home. Coffee breaks, lunch breaks. It doesn’t always have to be a dirty weekend away. Sometimes a conversation fills the spot.

I don’t have friends because I kind of hate people and really having to have a relationship and keep up with one. I chose to be isolated I do have parents and a good relationship with them

Lose 12+ stone of useless weight overnight by getting rid of him.

29! God! The world is your oyster!

You have time to start again and meet someone much better if you leave him now.

I think it’s fair that you have a choice if someone gains 100lbs to leave them

Someone who loves you wouldn't treat you like this. I actually think his behaviour is abuse.

Hey I just figured it out okay not a bot

I'm so sorry you're being treated like this. I am overweight byt my husband has never made me feel bad about it. He thinks I'm beautiful the way I am. I make an effort to wear a perfume or a dress that I know he likes but I do that because I like it, not because he requires it. Loose weight for you, dress for you and not for him.

Is your husband George Clooney, Daniel Craig or some other drop-dead-gorgeous bloke? No? Thought not.

You're doing fantastically well, keep going for YOU, not him.

Now, make a list of everything that YOU would like to see HIM work on.

I'd start with his misogynistic, demeaning criticisms that he needs to put a stop to, pronto.

Then, move onto his physique, what needs improving there? Does he have a six pack? Well that's a shame, let's start there.

After that, his dress sense. I'm sure there's room for improvement unless he's one of that rare breed of men who always look well put together.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Two can play his game.

He's very lucky to have you because I wouldn't tolerate his twattish behaviour.

Off you go then! Good luck.

Hi sadfish… tap the quote mark and the post you’re replying to will be above your answer to them 😊

I’m sorry but I think he’s comparing you with someone else. Presumably someone he works with.

Stop trying to make him happy. Make yourself happy. If he doesn't like that he can go and find a greener patch - there won't be one but that's his problem.
NB You are not best friends, he is not behaving in a friendly way.