My heart is shattered

[Heartbrokenpoppy]

Hi all nc as I know a few people on here
It is now 4.23 am I've had about 1 hours sleep . Yesterday I found out that my partner was on a dating site messaging other women. The idiot had msg a friend of a friend with the intention to cheat / moved the conversation over to what's app and they had been arranging to meet / sexting etc.
Let's call this lady Jane. Jane showed my friend carrie a picture of the man she was msging ( carrie and Jane work together ) my friend carrie instantly said that's poppy's partner ( I don't know Jane)
They have sent me all the screenshots
I am devastated. I honestly believed he was one of the good guys.
My heart aches. I haven't eaten since finding out.
Please help me
I love this man
My world has been turned upside down
I cannot stay with him.
It is over for me. I will never ever trust him again
He does not know that I know yet we do not live together
However he's msging me as normal saying he misses and loves me and can't wait to see me on Wednesday

Thank you for this.

If it were me, I would do nothing.

Absolutely nothing, no calls, no messages, nothing but ignore him.

He's not important enough to have a showdown with any nothing you say will make any difference to an asshole like him.

Ignoring him will irritate him more, not then you should ever care. You deserve better.

"OP there was a brilliant thread on here from a woman who received a text from her partner to break up with her, she never replied. It drove him crazy, he wrote letters, kept trying to contact her and she ignored it all, never contacted him again. That’s where the power is."

Yes, I remember that thread! Maybe it would help OP to read it.

I remember the thread too. Just looked back and can’t believe it was 5 years ago. Different circumstances but inspiring OP. @Heartbrokenpoppyits so worth a read. I’m trying to work out how to link it with the new app!

I can’t find the first thread but here’s the second

Part two

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I’ve just sent a link to the first part

Thanks for the link I'll check it out .
I'm not going to say a thing to him. So far staying very strong 💪

My heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry for this situation and treachery inflicted on you.

The only thing I will say is to stay strong even through your saddest most emotional times.

Go completely no contact; no messaging, no texts or calls, no following/liking his social media. Absolutely nothing. Zilch, nada. Block, block, block.

It will drive him mad. It’ll give you control. There’s no going back.

Lots of us are currently in recovery from broken relationships. Time passing is helpful. The pain does ease.

Good luck OP. You must stay strong. It’s the only way.

@Heartbrokenpoppy have you booked your Sti tests yet ? Having to do that may give you more anger to get through. Hopefully all clear but if anything came back positive I’m sure you would I want to kill him never mind forgive him .

Send him the screenshots then block him, no more explanation is needed. See this man from now on as a dodged bullet.

These are wise words.
You will gain nothing from meeting him.
Much greater dignity and faster healing to finish by te xx without referring to the reason and then grey rock

Morning OP! You’re a strong person thankfully. I wish I’d had the strength when my scratty ex messaged other women - I let him back in. There followed another 2 years of hell where I found him on a sex site, he’d also been seeing sex workers when on work trips abroad and god knows what else. I uncovered a whole personality that he’d hidden well.
He’s shown you who he is and you’ve believed him. I admire your strength. Keep going! Leave him in the gutter where he belongs. These men never change, they just find new ways to hide their betrayals.

I am really struggling today. I have the urge to msg him amd tell him I know what he has done but I haven't done it

Stay strong, let him wonder why you have done what you did, you don’t owe him an explanation after the way he treated you

Is he still contacting the other woman

I think he has sensed something about Jane.
Your adrenaline has slowed down. And it’s like having a hangover. But if you message him, he will try and talk you around.
Then you go back to him and live in fear.

So I'm not messaging him ... there are msgs he has sent to me that are unopened still. I have ignored his calls. He has now msg my mum through social media ( as he doesn't have her number ) asking if she has seen me and if I am alright.
Now I think my mum should reply so he doesn't call the police or something .
I'm thinking something along the lines of saying ; She is alive no need to call emergency services, I've seen her today
Any other suggestions?

Thanks for all of your advice so far this is incredibly hard and I feel an addict trying to come off drugs or something it's so so hard

Your mum should reply like that and then block him on hers as well.

Does he know where you live, and work? Is he likely to come to either place?

"she's fine, I hear you've been a cunt though, don't contact us again"

She really wants to say she's alive I've seen her today, she knows you've cheated on her so best thing to do is stay well away and leave her to heal and get on with her life

I work within the community and at different places all of the time most are confidential so he wouldn't have been told by me where they are , I will in social care type work .
I don't think he would ever turn up at my home as I have two 19 and 17 year old sons and they would definitely tell him where to go

No -don’t reveal that! Does not help you.
Let him squirm.

Your mum's version is very polite! He doesn't deserve politeness. Maybe tell her that you'd rather she didn't explain it in that level of detail.

Also the words 'alive' and 'heal' imply you're not doing fine - he doesn't deserve to know that.