My heart is shattered

[Heartbrokenpoppy]

Hi all nc as I know a few people on here
It is now 4.23 am I've had about 1 hours sleep . Yesterday I found out that my partner was on a dating site messaging other women. The idiot had msg a friend of a friend with the intention to cheat / moved the conversation over to what's app and they had been arranging to meet / sexting etc.
Let's call this lady Jane. Jane showed my friend carrie a picture of the man she was msging ( carrie and Jane work together ) my friend carrie instantly said that's poppy's partner ( I don't know Jane)
They have sent me all the screenshots
I am devastated. I honestly believed he was one of the good guys.
My heart aches. I haven't eaten since finding out.
Please help me
I love this man
My world has been turned upside down
I cannot stay with him.
It is over for me. I will never ever trust him again
He does not know that I know yet we do not live together
However he's msging me as normal saying he misses and loves me and can't wait to see me on Wednesday

@Heartbrokenpoppy id reply . Yes my daughter is fine Thankyou . No need to contact me or her again .
bye !

I think ghosting him is just going to drag this out OP. Why would you want to do that?

Send your mother the screenshots. Tell her to send them on to him and then block. Hell know why and you can just block him and carry on with your life.

Perfect 👌

You could just open messages, ( don’t read!) and don’t respond so that he knows for sure that you are ignoring him and not dead

Wow @Heartbrokenpoppyyou are amazing. I'm so impressed with your grace and strength

Also, you're being watched over by an amazing guardian angel. Imagine if you hadn't found out as you did. So very blessed in that regard 🥰❤️

She may Weaken. I’d just ignore and not read to keep strength.

He’s deserves no answer and it will drag out more if op gives him the info she has . She doesn’t need her forces weakened .

He destroyed what they had . Reap what you sow.

I think your mums answer is perfect. Then he knows you know and will hopefully slope off to wherever he belongs and leave you in peace!

God no. Don’t have her tell him you are healing. Sigh.

These men don’t need to know how much they’ve hurt you. They deserve nothing.

"These men don’t need to know how much they’ve hurt you."

Yes, it just keeps them centralized, which they ADORE! That's also why they cheat.

Don't feed the beast. Ignore ignore ignore.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry he's done this. What a twat.

You've got to do what feels right to you. I agree with just about everyone (and with you) that it's best to cut contact and not give him a chance to upset and disrespect you further. I do find that MN can be overly keen on total ghosting on these situations. I think that's a choice for you. The famous thread linked upthread was a case where the boyfriend dumped her by text, and she just didn't reply to him - not quite the same imo. If I was in your shoes, I'd rather have someone pass on the message, than have this big mystery over whether I'm even alive or dead or abducted by aliens. To me, that's extra tension that I wouldn't be comfortable with, and who knows how long he'll be going around asking after you, and making out like you're the flakey one. I'd be minded to take up the option for your mum to respond with words to the effect of "she's alive, she knows what you've been up to, and she doesn't want any further contact with you and will treat any further contact as harassment". Then he's been told, and he can't escape the fact that his clever schemes were in fact idiotic and everyone knows what a twat he is. Whichever option you choose, it's OK - you'll be doing it for you and not for him, and that's the main thing.

How are you doing @Heartbrokenpoppy

How are you holding up OP?