My heart is shattered

[Heartbrokenpoppy]

Hi all nc as I know a few people on here
It is now 4.23 am I've had about 1 hours sleep . Yesterday I found out that my partner was on a dating site messaging other women. The idiot had msg a friend of a friend with the intention to cheat / moved the conversation over to what's app and they had been arranging to meet / sexting etc.
Let's call this lady Jane. Jane showed my friend carrie a picture of the man she was msging ( carrie and Jane work together ) my friend carrie instantly said that's poppy's partner ( I don't know Jane)
They have sent me all the screenshots
I am devastated. I honestly believed he was one of the good guys.
My heart aches. I haven't eaten since finding out.
Please help me
I love this man
My world has been turned upside down
I cannot stay with him.
It is over for me. I will never ever trust him again
He does not know that I know yet we do not live together
However he's msging me as normal saying he misses and loves me and can't wait to see me on Wednesday

If Jane is on board I would suggest you both ghost him.
He deserves a mind fuck, not the closure of an explanation or confrontation.

Or you could suggest meeting him at same place for a drink.
How would he answer?

Don’t play games. It’s over. He doesn’t deserve an explanation, closure or education on how to deceive better next time.
you could just message him to say that the relationship has run its course, my decision is final, please don’t contact me again’
Then block everywhere, including email (I made the mistake of forgetting that one!)

Not all men are arseholes but sadly those that are don't have it tattooed on their faces. Hope he spends a long time bitterly regretting losing you. Hope you find someone that deserves you. Clearly it isn't him

This is excellent advice

I think he suspects you know what he's been doing.

The alternative is just as bad: he likes leading women on.

I'm sorry.

What a scumbag, I would open the message and ignore it. He can see you’ve read it and will start to get the message that you are indeed ghostIng him.

Yes, this will give him a taste of his own medicine. What a two-timing jerk!

You dodged a bullet, OP.

I'd meet up with Jane and carrie, raise a glass of something and take a selfie. Both send the pic, block and raise another glass as women that supported each other against a cockwomble x

Makes no difference now? And although there’s been plenty of revenge type advice, I’d ignore it - what matters is you, not him. So just tell him it’s over, then block. Get it over with and start healing (sorry if that sounds all therapy or whatever, but it’s real and you can’t start feeling ‘normal’ until you’ve cut the ties). Hugs

There is absolutely no chance he thinks I'm upset with him
I have been msging as normal

I'm staying strong. Haven't opened his msg. He has tried calling twice. I've gone totally ghost 👻

Well done! Keep going. You've got this!

Yes please keep your power. He has shown his true character if he can do that after 2 years and this is just the one you have found out about he will completely destroy your self worth down the line. It cannot work now anyway how could it. I wish I could have given myself this advice years ago.

He must know where you live? Where you work? I don't think that ghosting him is the wrong thing to do morally, but practically it might not be the best thing. If he thinks everything is normal then his reaction (even though he's a shitbag) might be to worry that something has happened to you, and turn up somewhere to check. If you want to avoid that it might be better to just send an "I'm not interested in you anymore, don't contact me again" message and then ghost or block. That will certainly crush his ego and you'll avoid the confrontation if he seeks you out.

Well done op. Normally I don’t approve of ghosting but I think you’re doing the right thing. It’ll really bother his ego - far more so than if you confront him.

I don't understand why you just don't message that you know he was cheating on you and you are finished and then block. Ghosting is unnecessarily messy and childish. It also seems to drag it out and usually leads to visits to work and home and obsessive behavior. My good friend ghosted her BF for cheating on her and he stalked her for two years. Just cut the cord and be done.

He sounds awful. I have no advice other than that you need to dump him. I'm hoping you've not been together long.

This is true actually let him know then cut him off or he might pester then it’s an ongoing saga.

OP I would arrange to meet him and have it out with him face to face as it will give you both some closure. Two years is a long time and I think he should see in person how much he has hurt you and how his selfish actions have affected you.

It’s not true at all, she owes him nothing.

Her silence is her power. Her dignity. Her self respect. He knows what he’s done.

OP there was a brilliant thread on here from a woman who received a text from her partner to break up with her, she never replied. It drove him crazy, he wrote letters, kept trying to contact her and she ignored it all, never contacted him again. That’s where the power is.

He made his bed, let him lie in it. Your only concern now is you. Be kind to yourself x

Don’t do this OP. He shouldn’t see how he’s hurt you. Or have the chance to say it was all a big mistake.

Well done. He's an arse.

Yeah it is holding on to your power so wish I’d held on to mine in the past. Silence is power

I’m so sorry, what a prick! I hardly ever chip in on here but I need to warn you. I was in the exact same situation as you 10 years ago, I found the messages, I did the ghosting with no explanation. The adrenaline and feeling of taking control kept me going for a few weeks. Then when the adrenaline subsided I started to feel sad and the whole time he messaged and messaged telling me how much he loved me, had his eyes opened, blah blah blah. I caved. Please don’t cave, he will just hurt you over and over again, then one day you will see him exactly how he is. Not someone desirable, but as a sad and pathetic person he is.