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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH has left me for a teenager

530 replies

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:36

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

OP posts:
Velvian · 28/04/2025 11:39

I'm so sorry @User048261940582 . Be kind to yourself. Try to do the basics and look after your future with work as much as possible. You will get through this and be happy again. He is headed for a big fall.

Is there anyone nearby (family, friends) that can come over to give you some support?

StMarie4me · 28/04/2025 11:42

You’re in shock atm. But he has shown you who he really is now OP. I am so sorry you’re going through this.

Find your fight.
Use this to rock that Interview!
What is your living situation? Mortgage? Rented?
Tell the kids as it is. Or tell him to tell them. (But if you tell them you can be sure of what’s said).
Speak to a solicitor for immediate advice.
Apply for UC online.
Practical will serve you best.

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:43

Thank you @Velvian my mum and best friend came over last night after the kids were in bed. I am lucky to have very close family and friends nearby. I just can’t believe this has happened to me. He had been acting so cold and unkind for weeks, I finally confronted him and he said he was in love with this girl and wanted to be with her. He’s lost his mind. She’s a kid! Found her Facebook and she’s literally born in 2006. This is all crazy to me and I’m just waffling sorry.

OP posts:
User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:44

We have a joint mortgage. No debt that I know of other than the mortgage. Would I get UC? I work 3 days a week at the mo earning £25k. He is a much higher earner than me but has moved back in with his parents and if I know him he will stay there for as long as possible.

OP posts:
MrsMontyD · 28/04/2025 11:47

My beat advice is that he’s no longer on your team, question everything he says and does, don’t trust him to act in your best interests. Get a good solicitor asap and start pulling together your financial information, be the one in charge of what happens next.

TheClawDecides · 28/04/2025 11:47

I'm sorry to hear this OP.

I doubt the relationship with this young woman is going to last, as I can't imagine any 19 year old would know what's involved in a relationship with a parent of two children.

Regarding the kids, it's up to him to work out what he's going to tell them.

What a wanker.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 28/04/2025 11:49

I'm so sorry OP. It's definitely on him to tell the kids, I can only imagine how awful it must be dealing with their pain, but kids are very resilient, they'll be ok.
Do you get on ok with his parents? Will they be supportive of you or on his side?

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 11:50

You will get UC. Make sure you apply for CMS and child benefit too. UC takes 5 weeks to pay out, but it really tops up your wages.

What a silly wanker he is.

JackdawRoost · 28/04/2025 11:50

I would say, for your future, do whatever it takes to ace that job interview. Even though you are dying inside.

Let family heavily look after the kids while you prepare, stuff away all the shock and pain just for the short term (even pay for an emergency counselor to get you through it)

Obviously this is an awful technique, but if yours and your children's future security is improved by getting the job/promotion, I really think you should just absolutely power through. And then recover after that hurdle.

Of course that's easier said than done... He's a literal piece of shit. An alternative could perhaps be to tell work about what's happened, and see if they can make any allowances with the interview process, or delay it a bit?

But in the cold light of day you will be glad if you have more autonomy and a better financial situation going forwards, as impossibly hard as it will be to get through. Don't let him fuck up yet another part of your life, I really hope you can compartmentalize it and have a great interview. It's a gift for future you, when you've healed from the walking anus that has done this to your family.

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 11:52

Has anything happened with him and the 19yr old or is this just limerence/crush?

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 11:53

Also, I’d imagine her parents and friends will be hugely advising her away from a married man with two young children.
even if he came back with his tail between his legs, I couldn’t get over this personally. Very different if it was a woman of a similar age, but 36-19 is DISGUSTING.

AnonWho23 · 28/04/2025 11:54

What a wanker.

Lookuptotheskies · 28/04/2025 11:56

Oh that grim! What a disgusting specimen he is OP! That is quite the age gap and with a teenager. Vile.

I agree with the posters saying focus on the interview and still try to ace it. More pay would be a good thing wouldn't it if you will be a single income household for a while.

Don't let him home when it all falls apart.

Strangeworldtoday · 28/04/2025 12:00

Come on OP you can do this, I am rooting for you.
That poor chip shop girl as well, having a 35 year old boyfriend might seem fun at first but my god will she regret this as time goes on and she finds out how utterly irritating men are and how annoying they are .
Your ex husband is a twat, you are well rid of him while you are still young and can now make your life how you want it.
No man to moan at you, less washing, less cooking, do things on your own schedule.
You are the lucky one here out of the three of you. There one 19 year old who is now stuck eith a divorced mid 30s father of two as her boyfriend. One 36 year old man who has to entertain the girl from the s
chipshop and pretend hes cool so she doesn't leave him whilst dealing with the fall out of his own stupidity
and one woman, you, who gets to start again without a twat in the way, keep her beautiful kids, and hold her head up high With her whole life ahead of her.

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

OP posts:
Cosycover · 28/04/2025 12:03

What an idiot. Make sure you take care of yourself. I'd do an online check regarding universal credit.

I'd also take him for every penny he has and immensely enjoy it when this relationship goes to shit and he realises his life is fucked. Which is exactly what will happen.

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 12:04

He’s having regrets already, no doubt about it. Again though, I could never be with a 36yr old who’s “in love” with a 19yr old. Yuck, yuck, yuck.
great news about having already planned the presentation… what day is it? I’m really routing for you.

Silvers11 · 28/04/2025 12:05

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

Sounds like the 19 year old has knocked him back, once she realised he has told you and then left you, tbh

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 28/04/2025 12:05

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family.

Erm, what the fuck?

My response (probably not sent, but definitely thought) would be "I'll fight for my kids, but not the prick who's just run off with a teenager from the chippy".

SpringCalling · 28/04/2025 12:06

I would say I will always fight for my family, However you have shown me who you are and so are no longer a part of my family.

TheIceBear · 28/04/2025 12:06

What a horrible man. I doubt the relationship with the 19 year old will last either and everyone will be shocked about what an idiot your DH is if the relationship becomes public. I wish you all the luck in the world with your interview.

CodandChipz · 28/04/2025 12:06

I imagine the reality of a 19 year old step parent to his children has occurred to him or her! Also is he an involved parent will parenting them on his own hit him hard.
i don’t think you need to fight for anything. He’s fucked up and is pushing the responsibility onto you.

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 12:07

I’d respond “I AM fighting for my family by being the best Mum I can be. I absolutely cannot ever fight for a man who’s ‘in love’ at your age with a 19yr old. You’re disgusting. Told your parents yet”?

GiantSaucepan · 28/04/2025 12:07

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

He’s wanting you to do the pick me dance. If you say no, he’ll make out it’s your fault left and not be the bad guy.

Turn it around on him and tell him the question he should be asking is does he still love you and want to fight for your marriage as he’s the one who has left, he’s the one who would need to fight for your marriage do you still love me and want to fig? Because you’ll be no-one’s second choice.

Tell him you won’t fight for someone who is in love with someone else, and who will likely leave again if the opportunity presents itself.

Then go and fucking nail that interview.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/04/2025 12:08

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love

Well that won't be true. He's just trying to assuage his guilt, and make it sound better.

Of course they've slept together.

I'm so sorry @User048261940582 what a complete bastard.

What do his mother and father think?

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