Page 3 | DH has left me for a teenager

User048261940582 · 2025-04-28T10:36:09+00:00

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

diddl · 28/04/2025 12:23

if I love him and do I want to fight for my family.

What an absolute nasty, manipulative low life.

No you don't love him any more since he left you for someone else.

You still have your family as you didn't leave.

If he means fight for him then no as he isn't worth it & you wouldn't demean yourself by doing so.

NotSafeInTaxis · 28/04/2025 12:24

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

He wants you to do the pick me dance, to beg him to choose you.

As if you'd want him now!

thinktwice36 · 28/04/2025 12:24

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

Presume this means the child bride has binned him off already....

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 28/04/2025 12:25

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:44

We have a joint mortgage. No debt that I know of other than the mortgage. Would I get UC? I work 3 days a week at the mo earning £25k. He is a much higher earner than me but has moved back in with his parents and if I know him he will stay there for as long as possible.

And how will they react to him bringing his 19 year old girlfriend home after he left their DIL and grandchildren? Or will they go to hers? At 19 and with a "chip shop employee wage" I suspect she lives with her parents. I assume they are less than delighted.

This is grim. He is an absolute idiot and I suspect this relationship won't last. She won't give up her youth for him long term. He won't fit in with her friends. Should he come crawling back, please don't let him.

Sending love and sympathy to you and your lovely children. Also good luck for the job interview. Don't let him derail this for you. Get a lawyer and be ruthless.

I am very sorry that this is happening to you. I trust that karma will catch up with your turd of a husband at some point.

Crankyaboutfood · 28/04/2025 12:25

MrsMontyD · 28/04/2025 11:47

My beat advice is that he’s no longer on your team, question everything he says and does, don’t trust him to act in your best interests. Get a good solicitor asap and start pulling together your financial information, be the one in charge of what happens next.

this is good advice

Lorlorlorikeet · 28/04/2025 12:25

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

You ignore him. He can fuck off quite frankly. He doesn’t get to throw a grenade into your life and then demand you start ‘fighting’ for him. Seriously, who does this cunt think he is?

He’s made his predatory bed, he can fucking well lie in it.

For now, focus on the interview. And your kids. And getting through each day. And do what @MrsMontyD advised.

WhatMe123 · 28/04/2025 12:25

I'd be also be prepared for him to come crawling back. Get yourself ready now to shut the door in his face as you know this is the right thing to do. How awful for you op, get support around you and get a solicitor you can do this

Helpel · 28/04/2025 12:25

Fight for the family? He’s the one who dealt the knockout blow!

Lampzade · 28/04/2025 12:27

I wouldn’t even bother responding to his ridiculous message tbh.

Candlesandmatches · 28/04/2025 12:27

I think I would reply that he is the one who needs to fight for his family after this massive betrayal.
what a prize idiot.
It’s good you have family to lean on.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 28/04/2025 12:28

Bloody hell - he’s a prince of a man isn’t he! He’s clearly desperate for you to play the pick me dance and is fuming that you aren’t, hence the “are you going to fight to your family? (read “are you going to fight for me”).

SipandClean · 28/04/2025 12:29

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

It won't work out. Don't let him back. I wouldn't answer his texts. Let him wonder what is going on.

Seventree · 28/04/2025 12:30

I'm so sorry OP, that must have been such a shock. He is honestly pathetic and doesn't deserve you. No decent man in his 30's would look at a 19 year old.

Concentrate on getting through the day for now. You can leave telling the children for a couple of days. Spend as much time with people who love you as possible and know that you are strong and will get through this

Tortielady · 28/04/2025 12:32

How dare he message you with that attitude. Who was it who put your family in that situation in the first place? It's entirely possible that he's having second thoughts. It's also feasible that Little Miss Chippy has seen him for the creep he is and decided she wants none of him, his midlife crisis, his children and his other complications. Good for her if so. Either way, @User048261940582 he's not your problem. Tell him that all communications go through your respective solicitors and leave him to stew. And all the best for your interview and presentation; if you ace it, that will be all the reminder he needs that he gave up a long-standing relationship with a mature woman for someone who's barely more than a child.

SpideyVerse · 28/04/2025 12:32

SpringCalling · 28/04/2025 12:06

I would say I will always fight for my family, However you have shown me who you are and so are no longer a part of my family.

Yep. This.

loulouljh · 28/04/2025 12:32

What an utter utter idiot! You seriously have to laugh at him...

You will see that in time.

x

1Ivebeenthinking · 28/04/2025 12:32

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:43

Thank you @Velvian my mum and best friend came over last night after the kids were in bed. I am lucky to have very close family and friends nearby. I just can’t believe this has happened to me. He had been acting so cold and unkind for weeks, I finally confronted him and he said he was in love with this girl and wanted to be with her. He’s lost his mind. She’s a kid! Found her Facebook and she’s literally born in 2006. This is all crazy to me and I’m just waffling sorry.

You know what? There’s a way to stop this. Since you know her Facebook, try to find out who her parents are and speak to them. They might shame her into stopping.

FrangipaneMincies · 28/04/2025 12:32

I just wonder how long he thinks a 19 year old will want him for. Such a huge age difference for such a young girl. The novelty will quickly wear off for her, then he'll feel like such a stupid twat for being duped.

I'm so sorry, OP. You deserve better. Take care and fight the fucker for everything.

user65342 · 28/04/2025 12:32

So he wants you to do the ‘pick me’ dance? Fuck that! Absolutely fight for your family - your family of 3. Focus on your interview and leave him to debate his choices by himself.

Choccy11 · 28/04/2025 12:33

So sorry. I wouldn't reply. Don't let him lead communications - let him stew. I hope you can ace your interview despite that idiot. He or the ow has got cold feet and I'm sorry I don't believe they haven't slept together. He is a walking cliché. Look to your family and friends for support and take time to think while getting financials in order. I know you have children to consider but again, stay in the driving seat.

StMarie4me · 28/04/2025 12:34

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 11:52

Has anything happened with him and the 19yr old or is this just limerence/crush?

Would that make a difference after what he’s done…? Do you suggest that OP does the ‘pick me’ dance?!

ArtemisiaTheArtist · 28/04/2025 12:34

I just wanted to add to that wanker’s wankerdom. Absolute wanker.

Concentrate on your kids and that job interview. Don’t play his games. I’d speak to him only about the kids’ arrangements and your divorce. Wtf does he think he is?

PinkyFlamingo · 28/04/2025 12:35

Don't trust a single word he says now. He has shown you who he really is. Get a lawyer and then contact the CMS

orangedream · 28/04/2025 12:35

Of course he had sex with her. The 'fight for your family' thing is hilarious. What a drama queen. He really thinks he's a prize that a woman and a teenager want to fight over?

The teen has dumped him now that he's told you. He's using that to make you grovel and be on your best behaviour to 'keep' him. I'd be incandescent with rage at being offered such an opportunity.

Ticktockwatchclock · 28/04/2025 12:37

So he wants you to “fight for your family” after he destroyed it and betrayed you. If you let him come back he will see it as you being a walkover and will ultimately betray you over and over again. He has no respect for you, clearly doesn’t value his children or the family that you were.