DH has left me for a teenager

[User048261940582]

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

Imagine being 36 and leaving your wife and kids for an actual teenage girl and moving back to your parents. That's so pathetic it beggars belief.

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

Nah, he just realised how nice and easy he had it. That message makes him even more of a wanker. Why isn't he asking himself all that? None of this is on you. What a piece of shit he sounds.

This! What is he on?

I’d do something like this too. Sorry he’s treated you so appallingly.

This is the best response I have seen so far.

Sounds like he's been knocked back and wants you to stoke his ego a bit.

Ignore those kinds of messages. You talk about the kids and logistics only. Put your claim in for UC now as it takes a while to start and focus on your job interview.

He's shown you that he's willing to run when he feels neglected or whatever sad little story he's telling himself. He'll do it again.

I was you nearly 30 years ago. My exhusband left when he and I were 30 and our children were 3 and 2. His girlfriend was 17 and worked in the cash office at his company. You won't believe any of us now but your husband has done you a huge favour. Put everything into the job interview. You can sit in your car afterwards and cry but give it everything up to that point. My exhusband destroyed his life and that of the girlfriend ( embezzled a million, lost their house, arrest warrant, second divorce. All ended in his suicide in a cheap hotel). Focus on you and your children and your future . He has made his bed. Let him lie in it.

I wouldn't reply to his question about if you love him & fighting for the family. How dare he ask you that!? He's the one who left, not you! He should be asking himself that question. I could never forgive his behaviour, it'd be the end of the marriage.

I hope you absolutely NAIL this interview, then NAIL him for everything you can get. Good luck xx

What an absolute creep he is - I’m so sorry OP.

Can’t believe his parents have welcomed him home. No wonder some men are so shitty - they’ve been allowed to live their whole life with zero consequences.

Of course he's slept with her, I bet her parents will be pleased

What a pathetic wanker he is! You've had lots of good advice already on this thread, which I can't add to.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I hope your interview goes well and I am glad you have close and supportive family around you.

He's shown you who he really is now. Listen to him there and don't let him back in.

He's asking if you love him and want to fight for your family....AFTER leaving you for a teenager he claims to have an emotional connection with?

So he wants his ego stroked on both ends? Do not even reply, OP.

If he is capable of having an emotional connection with a 19yo, then that shows he has the emotional maturity of a 19yo.

He has left HIS children for another child.

It may sting now, sure, but he's done you a favor. Would your younger self want to be married to man who would cheat on you with a teenager???????????

Get the promotion. And let him go.

Nah, just don’t reply to him. Can’t argue with stupid, can you? Just get on with your life. Fuck him. Clearly to the girl, it was a bit of fun, he’s gone and confessed his love, and she’s like “wtf?!”. More fool him.

Whilst it may seem like shit timing, speaking from experience, you will find so much power and energy in this period. Go liberate yourself and cut this dead weight.

good luck with the promotion

He probably told his parents that he left because YOU were with someone else.

I'm sorry OP. I wonder if he's having a midlife crisis or something ad this seems ridiculous and I'm sure it won't last but it must be awful for you. You will be okay. He's a twat.

Work on getting your strength that you'll need when he realises what he's done and comes crawling back to you.

He's not having regrets at all.
What's happened is the 19 year old thought it was fun when it was a titillating "will we won't we" sneaking kisses impossible love situation. Now she's staring down the barrel of actually dating a middle aged man in a straight down the line relationship, its not quite as exciting and she's probably started to withdraw.

He will do it again. Next time it will be the 25 year old who works down the pub.

Her parents probably don't know much about it, not that it's really any of their business, and it looks like she's stopped already.

This is not a big thing in the life of the girl or of her family - there are no long term consequences for any of them, if she stops it here. It's not their problem. It's the OP's and her husband's.

Cheeky beggar daring to ask if you want to fight for your family when he's the one who has thrown it under the bus. I would reply:

My focus is on my children and the job interview I have next week. Beyond that I have nothing to say to you right now and I want you to respect my space. I'll be touch to discuss practicalities of you seeing the children.

So, don't answer either way and keep it calm and business-like. You don't have to rush into anything – do life on your terms now.

What a cowardly lion. He’s embarrassed himself, then asked if YOU want to fight for your marriage. I’d suggest politely that’s what he should have done before he fell in love with a teenager with a chip shop job. Not sure I would believe his version of events, I guess you could ask the teenager involved, maybe they would be a more reliable witness. However, once you’ve done that, assuming you discover there is more to the story, there won’t be a way back.

Be grateful. He’s vile.

I second all of this.

@User048261940582 you may be able to get new style Jsa but not sure about uc due to your earnings and mortgage

You need to google "ChumpLady" she has an excellent resource for those who've been cheated on and really explains why people do this, what they do (it's a pattern) and what you can expect next. Forwarned is forearmed. He really is a twat though isn't he?

She was 12 when his oldest kid was born 🤢 gross

Get that promotion. Get to the docs for any anti stress meds they can give you. Tell everyone what he’s done so you have as much support as you can get.

So she’s changed her mind already? Good for her, she won’t even remember him in a few years.

You can never trust him again OP.

"He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that."
He deserves to be ghosted for that. He should be begging you for forgiveness. Unless he is I wouldn't engage. So sorry OP. Please let us know how the interview goes I am routing for you.