DH has left me for a teenager

[User048261940582]

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

OP please get yourself booked in for one of those free or low cost 30 minute solicitor appointments urgently because he can still walk back in, he owns half the house. Protect yourself and your kids from this asshole and get informed. Have you got access to bank accounts, passports etc? I know it must be overwhelmingly hard today. I bet you anything next thing is his mum will get in touch saying he's been a very naughty boy but you're to blame in some way ...

Do you want to fight for your family?

He really thinks he's something doesn't he, you're clearly supposed to do the pick-me dance at this point...please don't, he doesn't deserve you and the kids deserve a better dad. Use your energy to get that promotion if you can, and then once that's done get lawyered up and get rid of him...he made his bed (whether there's now going to be a teenager in it or not) and he can lie in it.

Best of luck sweetheart x

Imagine being 36 and leaving your wife and kids for an actual teenage girl and moving back to your parents. That's so pathetic it beggars belief.

It does sound very... unglamorous. I wonder if the allegedly long-postponed first shag will take place in his childhood bedroom or hers?

I would be tempted to reply 'not anymore" and 'no' . Who the hell does he think he is?

Jesus, don’t message the girl or her parents. 1) absolute waste of energy 2) makes you look nuts

She’s 19! She’s not getting her pocket money stopped. She’s also not your problem. If either of them had the poor moral fibre to do what they did, trying to shame or educate them is just going to be to your detriment and exhaustion.

You’ve done nothing wrong. You don’t need to fix anything. You just need to get a solicitor (don’t listen to the usuals who will say they all do a free 20 mins. I’m a solicitor. No they don’t) and nail that promotion. Don’t tell him anything about your life.

Well he's made a humungous public tit of himself hasn't he?! And probably regretting it already, back home with his parents over a girl he ll have to financially support if they were to move in together while also paying child support....
And the cheek of asking YOU if you are ready to fight for your family!! It's he who would have to fight, for your respect and trust nevermind love. And honestly if he walks out this easily - he isn't even getting sex out of it apparently - he will always walk when things get hard, so he ll be useless through the challenges of parenting and illness as you age.

i wonder if she refused to sleep with him until he left you, then she still refused/dumped him when it started to get a bit real, then he’s come crawling back.
i imagine he’s feeling very embarrassed just now, and so he should.

So sorry OP. What would you say to your best friend if this was them going through it? Stay strong because I would bet a kidney he will be back. Maybe not now, or next week but he will be. And you must stay strong because you’ll never trust him again. You’re going to be ok. You can absolutely do this.

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love

'Scuse me whilst I barf up my lunch. In some ways that's more grim than a physical affair. The older I've got the more I realise that emotionally a young adult is so vàstly different to an older adult. I know they're all adults but I just find the concept of someone middle aged with kids connecting in such a way with a teenager really creepy and icky. He is either severely emotionally stunted and still has the mental age of a 19YO or he's talking rubbish and he's actually only thinking with his dick or (most likely) both of the above. Just ewww. Remember he's humiliating himself way more than he's humiliating you in the end.

OP I Hope we're just teaching you to suck eggs here but please get your ducks in a row and plan your next moves based on what you and your kids need not this excuse of a man. He's shown you who he is now. There can be no turning back

This is where you learn the life long lesson:
Do not reply. leave it a couple of days, time to regroup your thoughts.

Only correspond in writing. (Speaking is to compulsive & you will cry)

Nothing is urgent. tell your self he is on holiday, & ace your job interview, (you will need it)

It's not You that needs to fight for your marriage, it is very much He who needs to prove he is worth a second chance. (Why would you ?)

This is a good message.

I'd be tempted to add "That you can think I might still be interested in a creep who can exploit a teenage girl barely out of school emotionally and perhaps physically is beyond insulting", but tbh probably best to keep it calm and unemotional for now.

So he’s gone off to be the oldest swinger in town. He’ll come unstuck. It never ends well.

I agree with everyone else, get a solicitor, get financial info together. Set up a separate bank account if you don't have one already.

And I would suggest changing the locks on your house (unless he left his keys behind?)

OP I definitely wouldn't get involved with texts like that. It's too easy to stay stuff. This is a serious event and any next steps need careful consideration.

So sorry that this is happening to you - would definitely go and see a solicitor ASAP. Personally would also change the locks just to set some boundaries.

Hope you smash that interview.

This!! ⬆️

Also echoing others advice, don’t trust a word he says or a deed he does - he’s obviously a good liar to have got this affair started without you noticing.

Get tough and don’t give in. Use the job interview for you and the kids’ future, it will be the ultimate motivation.

Lawyer up, check through photograph, or take whatever paperwork you need.

Tell the kids yourself, that way you know they’ve got the truth, always answer their questions (age appropriate, obvs ) so nobody can put their spin on it.

You got this!💐

@User048261940582 classic asking you if you want to fight for the family when he’s the one in the wrong. Yes, you’ll be fighting for your child’s future but that likely won’t include staying with the Dad. Sorry you are in this situation; sounds like she’s dumped him and he’s trying to get his nice life back. You deserve so much better!

He wants to do the pick me dance.

Don't. Tell him you loved the man you thought you were married to but feel nothing for the disgusting specimen he has become. You have zero intention of fighting for a man that's been pining after a 19 year old that's closer in age to his 3yo than himself.

Oh and I’d call him The Pedophile to my friends (I know he’s not really but I wouldn’t be able to help myself) x

I strongly suspect that the 19year old found this fun and romantic while he was still with you. Now that he has left it is becoming real and she does not want that. I suspect he will try an crawl back saying he felt lonely or neglected or similar and try and twist it onto you. This is not your fault and do not let him try an make himself out to be the victim.

I know this is so hard but you need to get out of bed and focus on your future. You need to access all financial documents and scan everything onto your phone. There are scanner apps available in play/apple store. Have a copy of everything.

Then prepare like hell for this interview. This will help make you and your children's future more secure. Lean heavily on your friends and family over the next few days.

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that.

"I have no wish to fight in a war I didn't start"

Tbh although not strictly accurate as a description, there is something intensely creepy about a 36 year old man looking to an 19yo girl with limited life experience for emotional support. Completely inappropriate.

In response to his message about whether you love him and are prepared to fight for your marriage, I would reply, "I love myself and my children. They are my world and I owe it to them to provide a secure and safe haven for them. And I owe it to myself. They deserve a strong role model who has self worth and can provide them with the stability that they need.

Did you love your children when you decided to prioritise another older "child" over them?"

Sounds like he’s back peddling. The 19yr old has probably told him to ‘do one’ and was just having a bit of fun. No fool, like and old fool, as the saying goes.

He wants you to do the Pick Me dance

If he thinks your marriage is worth fighting for he needs to communicate with YOU not some star-struck teenager

Let him come to you (after your interview) Tell him you need 'space'

Don’t get involved in whatever he’s doing , not your circus, he wants two women fighting over him, what a pathetic twat. If you take him back he’ll keep looking for the next young woman to stroke his ego, he can’t be trusted, don’t waste your time trying to.