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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has left me for a teenager

530 replies

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:36

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/04/2025 12:10

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family

Oh Is he?

How fucking dare he!

I'd ignore that completely.

Miaowzabella · 28/04/2025 12:11

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

In your position, I think my reply would be something like 'Fight? Why would I want to get into an undignified catfight with a teenager over a man who can't make up his mind? You can collect your belongings on Thursday, please note any further communication should be through my solicitor whose details I have attached'.

MammaTo · 28/04/2025 12:12

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

I wouldn’t say anything to him, don’t dignify his questions with a response. Any replies to his messages are massaging his ego and he has his 19 year old GF to do that for him now.
Don't be lowering yourself and to try and win him back, he’s made his bed now he can lie in it.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 28/04/2025 12:13

JackdawRoost · 28/04/2025 11:50

I would say, for your future, do whatever it takes to ace that job interview. Even though you are dying inside.

Let family heavily look after the kids while you prepare, stuff away all the shock and pain just for the short term (even pay for an emergency counselor to get you through it)

Obviously this is an awful technique, but if yours and your children's future security is improved by getting the job/promotion, I really think you should just absolutely power through. And then recover after that hurdle.

Of course that's easier said than done... He's a literal piece of shit. An alternative could perhaps be to tell work about what's happened, and see if they can make any allowances with the interview process, or delay it a bit?

But in the cold light of day you will be glad if you have more autonomy and a better financial situation going forwards, as impossibly hard as it will be to get through. Don't let him fuck up yet another part of your life, I really hope you can compartmentalize it and have a great interview. It's a gift for future you, when you've healed from the walking anus that has done this to your family.

Agree with this.
Do whatever you need to do to secure the job.

Re the do i love him and do I want to fight for the family.
Its classic pick me dance.
do not engage.

Either ignore it OR turn it around.
I'd ask him if he loves you and his family... if so why he's decided to pour it down the drain to chase a child. Then I'd tell him to respect your need for space and to not contact you as you want 2 weeks to collect your thoughts and will be in touch after that. Your mum will text him to arrange a time to collect things and see the kids outside of the home.

Anywherebuthere · 28/04/2025 12:13

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

He has the nerve to ask if you want to fight for your family when he is the one who has cheated.

How are you supposed to trust anything he says.

Good luck with your interview OP. Focus on yourself and your kids from now on.

Mudflaps · 28/04/2025 12:13

Jesus, he's no loss really. Will you fight for him? The cheek of him to ask that, I'd fight with him not for him. I'm so glad you've told your family and that you have their support, let him stay with his parents like the teenage boy he wants to be. You get ready for your interview, its now more important than a spineless that who has abandoned you and your children for a teenager who more than likely has already ran laughing to her mates.

pikkumyy77 · 28/04/2025 12:13

Wow! That is a lot. Try not to get whiplash frim his jerking you around. Just stay whatever course you decide on. I agree with the others that he is discovering that miss chippy (and his parents) are not prepared to take your cast offs. But I would never take someone like this back. He isn’t even ashamed enough, and regretful enough, to come home and apologize and beg for forgiveness. He just sent that insulting text? That is really low and cowardly.

DrummingMousWife · 28/04/2025 12:13

He actually asked if you’ll Fight for your family ?!
just tell him to do one , you’ll never trust him again and now the disgusting arsehole is telling you to fight for the family HE turned his back on. What a terrible human being. Divorce him as soon as you can, file for child maintenance.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 28/04/2025 12:13

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that.

You say: No, I fell out of love with you when you told me you were in love with the teenage potato peeler. Don't text me again unless it's to do with the children.

OrangeCrushes · 28/04/2025 12:14

What a cunt. I'm so sorry.

OrangeCrushes · 28/04/2025 12:16

Also, please please please don't play his games. Why should you be fighting for someone who is basically a nonce, who threw you away like that?

MounjaroMounjaro · 28/04/2025 12:16

Sounds like the OW didn't fancy the idea of going to his mum's house to carry on their affair. Let's hope his mum wouldn't want that, either.

What was your relationship like beforehand, OP?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 28/04/2025 12:18

I'm so sorry OP.

Can you try as hard as possible to compartmentalise your feelings about him until after your interview and just focus on getting the promotion you deserve?

Tootiredforthis23 · 28/04/2025 12:18

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

I’d guess that the 19 year old doesn’t really want a serious relationship with a 36 year old man with two kids, who wants to be a step mom at 19? And now he’s flipping it round to give you the chance to ‘win’ him back. Honestly though, would you want a man who left you for someone else, especially for someone who is barely an adult. I’d take this as your chance to run, even if you got back with him now, chances are it’d just happen with some other woman in the future.

You will be much better off without him, good luck with the interview!

Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk · 28/04/2025 12:19

He is a walking cliche! You may not feel like it now, but this is going to be the making of you. It's all in how you deal with it.

He is no longer your friend. So you have to keep all communication without emotion, purely about the house and the kids.

You've got this! Get a hold of all financial documents. Proof of his earnings, pensions etc. Get in touch with a solicitor.

Could your mum or sister stay over a few nights to keep you company and help out with the kids.

Sending you love and strength ❤️ 💪

DisabledDemon · 28/04/2025 12:19

Do you still love him? Possibly but love can be a habit.
Your family? Well, he's trashed that, hasn't he?

He's never even kissed her? Well, either he's insane or he thinks that you're a gullible idiot.

Really, this patronising idiot needs to be kicked to the kerb. Let him go to his teenager who will soon recognise that he's actually a boring old fart. Then she will leave him for someone prettier. He'll probably come sniffing around, hoping to be taken back.

And then you tell him, 'I don't think so.'

MoistVonL · 28/04/2025 12:19

I hope her father and mother treat him
like the revolting predator he is. She 19, for God’s sake. I’d want to geld the fucker who abandoned his children and wife for my teenage daughter.

I hope his own parents slap him around the chops and tell him what an utter clichéd failure he’s been.

“Fight for your family”… you ARE doing that! By going for a promotion to better your situation. And by getting rid of a cheating perv husband that pursues kids in minimum wage jobs.

MargotB · 28/04/2025 12:20

His behaviour is appalling, leaving you for a someone nearly half his age and then trying to drag you into the 'pick me dance' - utter bastard!

You must be absolutely reeling @User048261940582 I am so sorry he's treating you like this 💐

tiktokoclock · 28/04/2025 12:20

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

I would not say ANYTHING to that right now.
If he tries to pester you for a response one way or the other, tell him you're in shock and need some time to process it, as you are focusing on the interview. He knows that's important to you...
Don't let him get in your head right now. Buy yourself some time whilst you do the interview, then give yourself some processing time.
Good luck

TweetingHurricane · 28/04/2025 12:21

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 11:53

Also, I’d imagine her parents and friends will be hugely advising her away from a married man with two young children.
even if he came back with his tail between his legs, I couldn’t get over this personally. Very different if it was a woman of a similar age, but 36-19 is DISGUSTING.

Yep. I couldn’t even look at him again, disgusting human being

LunchtimeNaps · 28/04/2025 12:21

I agree the 19 year old was probably horrified he'd left his family for her. Even if this isn't working out for him the way he'd hopped it shows he is capable of straying so I don't think it's wise to take him back even if it's the easiest this to do because you could well find yourself in this situation again in the future.

Aizen · 28/04/2025 12:21

I think I'd do everything on a dedicated email just for this. No talking will solve it ever now so I wouldn't engage verbally. Arrange everything via email, picking up his stuff, time with the kids, anything and everything. All in one place. Yes I know there will be times when you have to see him but overall do all communications by email.

So sorry about this, but you sound like a strong woman, and best of luck. Others who (sadly) have been through similar will advise you more.

TheClawDecides · 28/04/2025 12:22

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family.

This is why he's pretending he hasn't had sex with her.

thinktwice36 · 28/04/2025 12:23

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/04/2025 12:10

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family

Oh Is he?

How fucking dare he!

I'd ignore that completely.

Absolutely this. What a prize knobhead.

Kerrylass · 28/04/2025 12:23

Theres no coming back from this....ignore his message. what a bellend. You must be wondering what you ever saw in him.

Sending you all the strength in the world to get this job. You can do this X

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