Concerns about boyfriends low income long term?

[redtindin]

I am mid 40's and have been dating a man, my age for about a year now. In many ways things are good he's basically a good man and we've had a lovely time together. No kids or ex-spouses for either of us.

However as time goes on and I start to look at things more realistically I am concerned about his financial situation. He is like me mid 40's but seems to have been in fairly low paid work all his life with no savings. He has a car but lives in a shared house. He only works 30 hours a week and claims he cannot get more hours. He has been looking for other work but so far nothing has worked out. He is wanting to get a job closer to where I live perhaps with an eye to us moving in together (I own my own small flat). In many ways I would like to try this but ideally if we moved in together I'd prefer to buy something bigger and a new place we both contributed to.

Its hit hard recently as he had an unexpected bill of £1000 and he didn't have the money so is having to pay it up so that means that we haven't been able to go out and so anything of late or if we do I am having to pay for everything. It kind of shocked me that he didn't have anything saved at all and is literally living pay check to pay check.

I think reality is starting to hit that if I do make a life with this man I will likely be the bread winner and provider and maybe that is ok but I do have doubts, is this really want I want? I'm not a high earner but I have worked hard to buy my own home and have some savings and already I'm aware that I am not saving much at all now as I am helping him out all the time. What happens if I he does move in and it doesn't work out and then he doesn't have the money to move out. Why at 45 is he still working so few hours in such a low paid job?

If he did get a better paid job with more hours it would probably make a big difference, he seems sincere in wanting to look for one but hasn't had any luck yet. If it doesn't happen then will I end up resentful of him? My sister is married and hasn't worked at all for years but her husband is a high earner, they have been together for 25 years and are really happy so perhaps its ok for one person not to earn much or even anything but her husband is a high earner and they have been together since they were 18 so its a different dynamic.

I just don't know I keep pushing the thought away but it is niggling at me.

He has no career goals and has no money.

That will be a life of stress.

Before we got our mortgage me and my DH were saving around 70% of salaries.

You deserve more xx

You could be describing me and my husband. But when we met, all things were equal. We pooled our resources, our earnings, savings and property all went into the pot. I had more than him. Eventually I gave up work, ran a small business, didn't earn much but build a home, developed the property, made money, had children, raised them. I've never been the breadwinner but it's been a partnership. What is he offering? If you believed it was an equal partnership, you wouldn't have started the thread. A partner should strive to give you what you need and what you want.

That’s good he’s got a new job. Did you have to encourage (ie push) him into this?

What does ‘suit him more’ mean? Fewer hours or a job sector he prefers? Is hestill looking for jobs in the preferred sector or making any plans to
Improve his job prospects such as evening classes, voluntary experience etc, or is he just coasting?

Sounds like you have decided to be his life plan.
It is only a matter of time before moving in with you "will make sense".

You will have become the parent in the relationship.
Not attractive.

How has it been op

Dump!