My DH wants me to share my location with him

[1457bloom]

Do you think this is a red flag? I feel it’s an invasion of my privacy.

We share locations as a family, just because it's handy. We can see if people are on their way back to put the tea on. But I think with a former dp I had it would be about monitoring and checking up, jealousy, controlling. I'd have been reluctant with him to share location. He would question perfectly innocent things. Whereas dh couldn't care less where I've been. He'd only look at it if he needed to.

Out of interest what do you think k is happening "in this day and age" that wa
hasnt happened throughout the whole of time.

I asked DH to share his location with me when I was pregnant, I was extremely anxious and we lived in a country with regular really bad traffic accidents. We ended up just leaving it on for practical reasons - getting dinner on, how far away one of us is etc etc. I don’t look at it unless I need to and I doubt DH does. I have sometimes used it to track Dh down in the mall if his phone is on silent.

I think it really does depend on your relationship and how you feel about it. However it is a red flag if he gets upset about you not wanting to or you think he’ll assume it’s because you are doing something he doesn’t like. Do you feel he’s quite controlling in other ways?

When i was 18 my mum wanted my college time table (way before phones) I resisted explaining I often went for drinks etc after so it wasn’t indicative of when I would be home. Eventually I gave in and the first time I was “late” she kicked off.

My (adult) dds and I share our locations as it’s handy for knowing how far from home they are (the irony) or if It a good time to ring. But we don’t use it against each other.

The phone location sharing is practical and only a red flag if it’s used to monitor/control you. Jealously is a red flag, he shouldn’t see you as something he owns. I’d be more concerned about that.

my ex and I used to share our location so I knew when to get the kids packed into the car to go and get him from the train station (yes.. I packed a toddler and a baby into the car and drove 15 mins there, waited 10, and 15 mins back, to save him a 20 minute walk. I was a total mug). He stopped soon enough when he started cheating of course.

Now I share it with my dad (and my dad shares his with me) because, despite being a mother of two teens in my 40s, he worries about me. And he shares his location with me, so I know when to expect him when he comes to visit, or when he's close to the airport if he's picking me up from a trip.

This seems pretty normal to me. Wanting to see your location with no real reason, especially if he won't also share his, sounds like a red flag to me.

I wouldn’t dream of sharing location or asking DH to do so. Kids only have a dumb phone so can’t even do that with them. Plus it’s a fallacy it keeps you safe, probably more likely to fuel anxiety than actually do anything useful.

Increase in knife crime year on year, almost 5% increase last year. We see more gun crime. Not to mention last year the number of terror attacks in Europe increased by 63% ! Albeit not all in the UK. So it's not what I 'think', it's what the statistics say, it's what's reported on the news every day.

How's a jealous husband knowing his wife's location going to save her from knife crime, gun crime and terror attacks?

Besides that, those statistics don't tell you the profile of the victims. It's pretty unlikely that a random woman going about her day is going to be a victim of gang-related knife or gun crime, for example.

But you do become one when you become married? I’m genuinely confused about what people think marriage is. We are one but also still individuals.
the important thing is though that both people want the same level of privacy otherwise there will be problems.

There’s no need to be rude, it was a genuine question because I genuinely don’t understand.

Don't derail. It's my opinion and how I feel. If I feel I'm not safe in my city, someone I trust having my location might make me feel better. A 'random woman' aka colleague was literally murdered on her way home from work due to a random attack for her handbag. We all have different experiences that shape our views, all I did was share mine.

I'm not derailing, I'm pointing out that your statistics don't actually say much about most people's level of risk.

OPs husband is a jealous man, so I think it's actually far more derailing for so many people to come on and talk about their presumably healthy relationships where sharing locations is reassuring, rather than the cases were it can be an escalation of scrutiny and control.

How does someone knowing where you are stop you being murdered?

You having some false snes of security isn't making you safer. Fine if it does but don't try to make out that it's reducing danger

My original comment was made before she gave any details about him and his jealousy. I wasn't to know the dynamics.

Dont be obtuse, you know I'm not saying it will stop you being murdered. Regardless of the sutuation, if you don't return home at your usual time, something out of character for you, your nearest and dearest knowing where to locate you.. It's not that outlandish to consider that there could be some benefit to this? My point of view was suggested before OP revealed her relationship was not the healthiest.

Regardless of the sutuation, if you don't return home at your usual time, something out of character for you, your nearest and dearest knowing where to locate you.. It's not that outlandish to consider that there could be some benefit to this?

They’d be able to locate your phone, not necessarily you.

I do wonder about all those parents who insist on tracking their dc, thinking it ‘keeps them safe’… in actual fact, there’s a good likelihood it makes them less safe, as if they want to get up to something the parents wouldn’t approve of, they might leave their phone at their friend’s house, where they said they’d be, and go out without it, leaving them without a means of contacting their friends if they become separated, without a means of contacting help if needed, without a means of checking a route/means home etc. Teens have been deceiving parents about their activities for decades, tracking won’t prevent that or ‘keep them safe’.

I'm not being obtuse you mentioned someone being murdered in the context of making you feel better in a sentence about being safe. Unless you're stating a random fact how is the obvious interpretation not you think there's a connection.

If the phone is still on the dead person then obviously finding them more quickly is better than not but that's a benefit to the living

The OP acknowledged jealousy yesterday morning

I have shared my location with both DH and DD (19). He has shared his. Dd is intermittent (but we know one of her devices is always shared albeit less in realtime).

currently, we live in 3 different European capitals for a combination of work and study reasons. So it’s partly a security thing, and also partly a “is anyone home yet or should I wait another while before ringing/facetiming to catch up on today?” thing.

Neither DH nor I were forced to share. DD was when she was u18, but she had a lot of freedom to go places, just so we’d have an idea where she was. And it has been up to her, although we’ve encouraged it stay on, since then - so it gets turned on and off as she pleases.

I have never felt the need to hide things from DH, but I also wouldn’t worry about turning it off if I wanted to for any reason. We each have our own bank accounts that the other doesn’t access etc and there is no sense of control involved, more about security and caring.

The only reason I can think of that I would ask another adult to share their location is possibly if my daughter goes travelling after high school. She would be free to say no - I lived in another country in my early 20s and nobody knew my location unless I told them.

I just can't fathom asking someone else, a partner, to let me know where they are at all times. A text is sufficient to know if someone is running late or on their way.

Violent crime does not always equal dead, my example was in relation to the nature of violent crime. I really don't get the nit picking, are we all not here to share our opinions and perspectives? I didn't think we were here to argue that someone's own feelings on the matter were wrong, you can't exactly tell a person they're wrong for how they personally feel.
Yes, she mentioned it yesterday morning. Yet you replied to my original comment, from before she mentioned it.

My sat nav is linked to my phone, I was in rural Norfolk when I broke down - my maps app and phone had no signal. I had to walk away from the car to get a signal slightly panicked it was 10pm and I live in the midlands. I called my DH once I had some signal we pieced together where I was and he called the AA so I could get back to my car and lock the doors.

Just checked, and DC has arrived safely at their hotel in Bangkok. They can now recover from the journey in peace, without having to text to let me know they're there safely. Of course, as an adult, they don't 'have' to let me know anyway, but we care for each other in this family, and are happy to put each other's minds at ease.

Because omg texting "here safe" is such a task and would in no way serve the same purpose, or possibly better cos they might include some reassuring info like "had a nice flight, hotel's lovely" because they care for each other in their family. 😂

I don't really see how all this about sharing locations when travelling or in other contexts has to do with OP being asked by a jealous husband to give him access to her location.

You're right - my comment was not connected with the original question, but more as a response to all of those comments about not 'needing' to be seen. We all have different points of view, and I am sufficiently respectful of those whose view differs from my own to not need to resort to snide comments.

When he is out of his meetings (which I am equally interested in), I have no doubt that we'll have a phone catch up, but in the meantime, I know he's safe.

There’s a danger that for future generations we are normalising the tracking of loved ones as a way to show them we care which is concerning.

I'd call it taking the piss rather than snide. 😉 I admit your tone in your post irritated me - the stuff about "we care for each other in this family..." as though not using tracking apps means other families don't.

I daresay you didn't intend it to come off that way, though, and therefore I'm sorry for my attitude.

I do think normalising this stuff and talking about it as though it's proof of caring about each other is dodgy ground. Families who care about each other also don't use these apps.

Like most things, context is vital.