My DH wants me to share my location with him

[1457bloom]

Do you think this is a red flag? I feel it’s an invasion of my privacy.

I have DHs location as he does a lot of walking/trekking in remote places, rarely looks at his phone and recently had a heart attack. So if he’s out of touch for a long period I can see if he’s still moving around. But we don’t share locations generally. A few months ago he was on a night out with some work colleagues and messaged to say he was heading to the station and would let me know what train he was on. When he hadn’t messaged an hour or so later I looked to see where he was and he was at the hospital!! Turns out he had fallen down some steps and an ambulance had been called 🙄 I don’t think location sharing is a bad thing as long as all parties are happy with it.

I also can't see how it actually makes you any safer. To be really morbid, it might help people find your body more easily if you get attacked and or murdered. I can't see how it will help in the moment. Would phone tracking have saved Sarah Everard? I don't think so.

Tell him you're a grown woman and perfectly capable of keeping yourself safe. I usually tell my DH where I'm going, that's just good manners to say 'I'm nipping to the shop' or 'I'm meeting X for coffee' - he doesn't need to know my exact location! To me, it's controlling behaviour and it would make me uncomfortable.

People are saying me and husband share our locations, it's fine, no red flag, perfectly normal, even government approved 😃- seem to missing it's only OP that's being asked to share hers, he hasn't suggested it being reciprocal.

Is it part of wider behaviours of control?

I'd absolutely hate it. I only share my location when needed - i.e. walking home late, running late with unknown delays, meeting friends in a large park. At most tell him "show me yours, and I'll think about it" - unless he will use that against you.

Just say no. Your gut is saying no.

If he wants to track you because he thinks you're up to no good then don't do it. You'll end up having questions fired at you about why you were at a certain place, why were you so long etc. It'll only feed his jealousy .

He either trusts you or he doesn't.

It depends. My DH is vehemently against sharing location as he thinks it’s a privacy violation. But we’re both fell runners and run alone in the hills a lot in all weathers so I think it would be useful in case either of us had a fall. So, what is his reasoning and is it justifiable, and does it go both ways? If it was just to be tracked going to your friends or the shops then I’d be dead against it. That’s not really a safety issue.

This is about control on his part since he hasn't offered to do do himself.

Red flag, yes.

Are there other ways he's controlling?

Sorry if I'm being technically challenged here. But don't most of these apps only work if both people share their location?

Let's share our locations with each other: not a red flag, but also not a suggestion you need to agree to.

You should share your location with me: red flag. And not something you should agree to.

You being worried about saying no to this or other suggestions put to you by your partner: red flag.

I love that my whole family is on, and chooses to be on, a family tracker. My 18 year old came off for about 12 months when she went to university, but then asked to join again. It’s so handy in so many ways and has helped with safety a few times already. That said if you have reservations it’s likely because you have reservations about your partner - I can honestly say mine probably never looks at it!!

We have location sharing. I think for location sharing to not be a red flag, both have to offer to do it.

If you are worried about him being upset if you say no (that is a red flag) but with Apple Maps (I don’t know about others) you can share ETA. We do this a lot as the other person gets a notification rather than actively tracking them. It’ll show their route home and their ETA. So even on routes we know because we do them everyday, well the out route into maps and share the ETA. It’s handy because you see when they are held up somewhere and what time to have tea ready for etc. If DH goes cycling he’ll share his strava with me. So there are ways of sharing where you are when there is a risk without location sharing fully.

I don’t really understand why you need so much “privacy” if you’re married?
Has nothing to do with stalking, I share my location with my parents, siblings and husband and they share their location with me for safety reasons.
Can someone here please explain this thinking to me? I find it very odd and confusing that if you aren’t in an abusive relationship, you wouldn’t want to share your location with your partner. I have nothing to hide.

That’s what he wants you to think.
It’s controlling.
If you don’t want to share your location, don’t.

…. If he isn’t sharing his location, don’t share yours. How weird of him.

DH and I don't share our locations but I know couples who do. I don't think that asking is a red flag in itself (as long as he also shares his), but it would be a red flag if he gets cross if you say no.

Been with my DH 30 years and married for 25. He asked me a few years ago to share my location and it was a flat out no from me. He grumbled a bit, but not a problem.

I have nothing to hide, but i dont like it. You wanna know where i am, message.

DH shares his, but thats because he travels alot for work. We dont track our boys.

How long have you been together? Do you live together? Why does he imagine you wouldn’t be ‘safe’? You’ve managed to be safe for the decades of your life when weren’t with him, so why does he now imagine you need monitoring?

To me, asking unprompted to share your location, rather than mutual agreement or responding to a concern, is a red flag. But the redder flags are the fact that a) he hasn’t suggested sharing his location with you in return and b) you’re worried he’ll be suspicious or annoyed if you say no. You shouldn’t have to compromise your own privacy for his trust issues. A decent man doesn’t assume his girlfriend is cheating on him just because she wants privacy.

If you don’t want any privacy as an individual, that’s up to you. But it’s not strange that most people do feel they need privacy and it shouldn’t need be justified to you.

Everyone has a right to individual privacy, married or not. Marrying someone doesn’t mean you become one person and lose your own self.

It is very, very dangerous to imply that wanting privacy equates to needing to hide something.

I think it depends on your relationship. We share locations. I was violently raped as a student and pre children did a job involving lone home visits to vulnerable people. I was never attacked but colleagues were and for a period I got a series of bizarre "love" letters delivered to the office. Now I volunteer in a capacity which has me going into vulnerable people's homes alone. I also like to run at night or first thing in the morning.
Dh has a fairly long commute.
Location sharing gives us both a sense of reassurance that the other is OK. We must have been doing it for at least 14 years now.

We don't sit and stalk each other. It's more if he messages to say he's leaving the office at a certain time and then he's late, I might look. Or if I say I'll be home by a certain time but I'm not then he'd check.

It would be a no from me.

I think it’s a red flag, how bad it is depends on whether he’d share his location too and how he’d react if you refused.

I once saw a suggestion that there should be a notification whenever someone looks at the tracked person’s location and thought that would be quite good. At least if you’d know if they were following your every move.

I hate that this kind of thing is becoming normalised and if you don’t want it, it looks like you have something to hide.

Not being goody but how would sharing your location stop you being attacked by a vulnerable person or heaven forbid being raped?

Not in a million years. I would find the request controlling and concerning.