My DH wants me to share my location with him

[1457bloom]

Do you think this is a red flag? I feel it’s an invasion of my privacy.

He's not being protective, he's being controlling.

I might agree if he shares his location with me too. He hasn’t offered to do that so far. I’m really divided about this but thanks for your different perspectives.

I absolutely hated the idea of being tracked - fiercely opposed! - until my DH (boyfriend at the time) happily shared his location with me while he was doing a long drive to stay at a friend’s house. It was so nice feeling closer to him, it helped me see a different point of view. I have tracking on my two children (and share my location, too, so they can see where I am if they need me), but am now calm and content to share location and see DH’s location, too. A complete reversal of feeling but only because he was not pushy and didn’t ask me to share or make me feel beholden in any way at all.

Some families have access to each other’s location. DD and I do with each other. But DH and I don’t. As an adult I need my space! If I’m going somewhere where I could potentially be unsafe I would text him to say I’m on my way and what time to expect me.

A friend did this as her DH was anxious and he wanted to feel reassured that he knew where she was and could help if needed… wasn’t long before phone calls and texts started if she stayed in one place “too long” or went somewhere that he didn’t know she was going to go eg to a cafe with a friend when he expected her to be in her workplace for lunch. Massive invasion of privacy and became a form of control and more anxiety for her… I’d tread very carefully

Also, is that speculation, or has he actually given that impression, or said this is how he feels?

We’re all on a family Find My app and it’s really useful for knowing when people are due to arrive home, etc. That’s coupled with not policing movements or trying to control them though. We would never, for example, notice or think to question why they were in ikea for 4 hours. When my kids turned 16 I suggested that they might want to stop sharing their location with me but they both wanted to continue. Only you know your DH’s motives. If it’s because it’ll come in handy when he’s picking you up from the train station then great. If he wants to use it to keep tabs on you because he doesn’t trust you then that’s different.

I’m really baffled by some of the replies! DH & I do, I actually have my sister & parents on there as well. I must not be as exciting as some of you on here because there’s absolutely nothing about sharing my location that I’d be unhappy about my husband knowing, I’m hardly skipping from a drug den to my affair partners house, I’m probably at Asda or Sainbsurys😂

There is no reason i can think of why any person needs to be tracked, i will not track anyone nor be tracked myself

We do it but it only works if both are consensual and comfortable either way it.

I used to share my location with my husband when I was out running - my choice to do so - I was listening to a lot of true crime podcasts at that time! So I can understand it from a safety perspective. But I didn’t share my location the rest of the time as my husband actually felt uncomfortable with it as he didn’t want to be perceived as monitoring my every move. I’d suggest a conversation with your husband about how it could make you feel, even if that’s not his intention.

Not at all! Me my DH and our kids all share our location on Life360. It's more of a safety thing, he bikes, I drive and kids go out walk to school ect we don't stalk each other on there xx

Absolutely not!!

No grown adult needs to have their location shared.

Unless you are planning on hiking for 3 days in the middle of no where, then there is absolutely no need to track another person’s whereabouts.

The fact that you’re worried he’ll think you’re up to no good is a massive red flag in itself.

We have an entire generation of anxious young people because their parents are like this.

It’s not normal to know your partners whereabouts or vice versa.

If he doesn’t trust you then that’s his issue, don’t change your boundaries to make him happy.

DH and I share locations. It was useful when we both had long commutes particularly when he had a long drive and incidents could mean he was stuck but couldn’t communicate it. Kids when little would sometimes ask to see where daddy was so that could surprise him outside as excited for him to come home. Can’t think of the last time I looked at it and I’m sure same for him. It’s reassuring to have it there though. Generally speaking if we are out we tell each other where we are going and who with anyway.

That you're afraid (not necessarily physically, but emotionally) to say 'no' to something you want to say 'no' to, makes it a red flag to me.

He might not like the answer, but sometimes we don't get what we want, and that's OK.

I personally wouldn't like a partner having that overview and would find it oppressive. I'm a capable adult, I don't need watching over.

I'm sure some people find it handy and it's not sinister in their (healthy) relationships.

But if there's any underlying issue with the guy being controlling or possessive then it's just an exertion of that control.

The fact that it's not a mutual sharing but just OP being asked for it while he maintains his privacy makes it dubious.

It feels like there might be something else behind this question.

Does your DH ever make you feel like you can’t have privacy in other ways? E.g. if you go out with friends is he constantly messaging to see where you are?

Does your DH ever get angry if you don’t agree with him or don’t do as he says?

Just trying to gauge the relationship dynamics.

We always have location on, DH and I and the teenagers. I love it, as someone who get lost very easily I am very happy I will never be really ‘lost’ as DH can see where I am and direct me. It’s one of the things I love about living in the future

as long as he also has it on then no issue. If he is saying you turn yours on and he doesn’t…. Well that is weird and a red flag

Why would it be a red flag unless there's other things to add to it that happen. Hubby and I have it and I never look tbh it's there should one of us disappear for longer cycling or walking as we do a lot of that alone or with our little kids. I have my parents and siblings and they have mine for exact same reason where we live more remote should anyone disappear for longer than expected then hopefully it will help. It's even recommended by government and police so they get a quicker idea of where someone disappears. Just another safety thing that is forgotten until needed unless like I said there are other things going on to

Has he explained how it would keep you safe? That doesn't make any sense and what would be the circumstances in which he would know something bad had happened to you just by looking at your location ?

I can only think of kidnapping in which is might theoretically be helpful but any good kidnapper would throw your phone away as a first step

I share mine with DH and any of the kids that are interested (I think one 😁) just because I'm away a lot so it's just a way of feeling closer. DH shares his with me because when I am home I like to surprise him with dinner on the table... Sometimes 🤣

If it bothers you though, don't. It's not necessary.

You're baffled that other people think differently to you? Surely you can't have only come across that today?

I don’t think it’s a red flag. Dh and I share location. It’s incredibly useful. I don’t have to message him while he’s driving to know if he’ll be home in 20 minutes or 1.5 hours. Or I can see if he happens to be near a shop so I can ask him to get milk or cheese or whatever. We also do a lot of walking and cycling in remote areas and if either of us was to get lost or injured, it would be really useful for the other to know where we are. But we don’t have any creepy coercive control issues in our relationship.

We share ours sometimes when we are heading out somewhere and will need to arrange where to meet. Or if we’re on a long journey and it saves giving updates (share like this with my parents if I’m driving up to them). Or perhaps if we are going somewhere dodgy and we’d like someone to know where we are. But I don’t see any need for it as standard unless I was especially vulnerable or ill - and I wouldn’t like to be generally trackable either, feels invasive.

Fine to normalise putting on sharing for a particular thing, maybe if you’re coming back late or if he is coming back late. But for day to day activities - no need.

I’m baffled that there are so many people who are so quick to say this is an absolute no, never in the world, controlling etc- yes. Unless everybody on here has horrible husbands, I can’t imagine why you’d be the slightest bit arsed that the person you share a life and your bed with knows that you’re at Asda rather than Morrisons!

If all of those people genuinely believe their partner would be doing it to control them then they have far bigger problems than Find My Friend.

DH and I share our location with each other and our adult children, and visa versa. Our family, our choice - can always be turned off if necessary, but generally can be quite useful.

I do find it offensive when people make comments like 'don't need to, we're adults'. That's fine - your choice, but don't try to belittle people who make a different choice.