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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy #6

159 replies

Blue127 · 20/04/2025 07:43

So we was together for 11 years,
he told me last week his been un happy for a while and he’s moving out and we will co parent the children. We have 5 kids.

well I just done a pregnancy test and it’s bloody positive. I have the coil in.
so I’m lost.
my youngest is only 1 then I have a 4 year old son that is Sen. It’s hard work.

I have told him and he said I should get rid. And it’s easy to do.
he said if I keep the baby he won’t be involved in the labour pregnancy or help with appointments. Also won’t help with baby.

I know deep down I shouldn’t keep this baby. But I feel so guilty .

I do all the child care he’s always working or out.

OP posts:
SlagPit · 20/04/2025 08:17

I know it's difficult but I really don't think it's fair to bring another child into this situation, to the baby, your existing kids, or you. In your shoes I would be terminating.

Original poster
Blue127 · 20/04/2025 17:55

Oh yes I know. I just feel guilty and feel like I will regret it.

OP posts:
Factsandfeelings · 20/04/2025 18:11

Terrible idea with 5 kids already.

Zanatdy · 20/04/2025 18:20

I think you probably have little choice given the situation, thinking of kids you have already.

Smithey885 · 20/04/2025 18:48

He can’t have been that unhappy if he’s still having sex with you.

i’d terminate, it’s the fairest thing to do for everyone, he’s already said he won’t be involved (which is wrong ) and being a single
mum to 6 kids is going to be a hard task!

Eastermuppet · 20/04/2025 18:50

I think you need to prioritise your existing children, yes you may feel guilty but surely if you have another that could be detrimental to your existing children and you'll feel guilty about that

Original poster
Blue127 · 20/04/2025 19:47

Thanks

OP posts:
Neetra30 · 20/04/2025 20:00

@Blue127 I had to make a similar choice as well 2 weeks ago.
I had to prioritize my existing kids over the unborn, kids cost money, attention and resources which I simply do not have enough for another child.
I think it's best to think if you can meet your current children needs before adding another as having another child will be costly.
In my case it was either have a decent life either 3 kids or have 4 kids and become poor long term.
Listen to your partner because at the end of the day, you need his support. Work as a team.

MyUmberSeal · 20/04/2025 20:05

SlagPit · 20/04/2025 08:17

I know it's difficult but I really don't think it's fair to bring another child into this situation, to the baby, your existing kids, or you. In your shoes I would be terminating.

100% this.

RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 20:05

Neetra30 · 20/04/2025 20:00

@Blue127 I had to make a similar choice as well 2 weeks ago.
I had to prioritize my existing kids over the unborn, kids cost money, attention and resources which I simply do not have enough for another child.
I think it's best to think if you can meet your current children needs before adding another as having another child will be costly.
In my case it was either have a decent life either 3 kids or have 4 kids and become poor long term.
Listen to your partner because at the end of the day, you need his support. Work as a team.

I’m so sorry you both having or had to make this choice. 💔 Really heartbreaking to read. Wishing you both some amazing times and best of luck raising your families. You got this even though it’s likely DC will never know all you’ve gone through. Mum’s can be so amazing. Even more so as they often don’t realise it!

Neetra30 · 20/04/2025 20:15

RedRock41 · 20/04/2025 20:05

I’m so sorry you both having or had to make this choice. 💔 Really heartbreaking to read. Wishing you both some amazing times and best of luck raising your families. You got this even though it’s likely DC will never know all you’ve gone through. Mum’s can be so amazing. Even more so as they often don’t realise it!

Show quote history

Thankyou for this.
Being a good mother does require putting your kids best interest above your own. At least this is what I believe.
I had to think with my head, not with my heart because love alone won't feed a family. Money will which we do not have enough of and had to be realistic about future earnings/cost of living

Original poster
Blue127 · 21/04/2025 08:59

His not with me anymore he left last week. He didn’t nothing to raise the kids I had with him anyways, he worked I was at home. I’m sure I would be ok with 6 kids. Why should I kill it? It never asked to be conceived. My head is so messed up. I will be strong

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 21/04/2025 09:16

Why did you continue to have children with a not very involved partner?

At the end of the day it’s your call but you need to think about how you will manage going forward.

MumOnBus · 21/04/2025 09:27

What's your extended family like? Would you get some support now the twat is out of the picture? If your choice is to keep the baby (and even if it's not), you will need all the help you can get. Good riddance to the guy. Be kind to yourself above all, you are a good mum x

Eenameenadeeka · 21/04/2025 10:10

Its entirely your decision. It sounds like you have been managing it all by yourself without his help so far, hopefully in some ways it's actually a bit easier without him since he has not been helping you at all.

Neetra30 · 21/04/2025 10:10

If you want to put yourself in this situation its down to you...

Original poster
Blue127 · 21/04/2025 11:36

I stayed because I loved him and thought it was normal for him to not help.
i was stupid to stay, we was together since teen years.
love is blind I guess.

OP posts:
WitcheryDivine · 21/04/2025 11:41

You poor thing, what a hard situation. I know someone in my family had to make a similar choice and did have an abortion, but equally if having an abortion would blight your life and you’d always feel guilty about it you don’t have to do that. Do you have much family support? Your ex sounds like a waste of space. Have you ever worked pre kids?

category12 · 21/04/2025 11:48

If you want to continue the pregnancy and feel you can cope, and you clearly do, then don't terminate.

It's your decision and you're the one who has to live with it.

SonarRadar · 21/04/2025 12:14

If you want to keep the baby I’m sure you’ll cope.

ex partner’s grandmother had 10 - in the days before the welfare state - she coped - you definitely will. You’ve got this ❤️💪

SonarRadar · 21/04/2025 12:18

Blue127 · 20/04/2025 17:55

Oh yes I know. I just feel guilty and feel like I will regret it.

If you feel you’ll regret it have the baby ❤️

the last sentence of your OP gives me the impression you’re already a de facto single parent of 5 … so … - but I think you’ve got this OP ❤️❤️ - we all really need to support each other on here

ForFunGoose · 21/04/2025 12:19

I think it’s asking a lot of yourself and other children to add a baby to the situation.

Viviennemary · 21/04/2025 12:20

If he has left don't consider him. If you want this baby and can manage then have it.

MammaTo · 21/04/2025 12:26

I think this is a decision where you need to prioritise your existing kids above your own feelings. It’s shit and horrible but it’s not fair to bring another child into this.

SonarRadar · 21/04/2025 12:33

Blue127 · 21/04/2025 08:59

His not with me anymore he left last week. He didn’t nothing to raise the kids I had with him anyways, he worked I was at home. I’m sure I would be ok with 6 kids. Why should I kill it? It never asked to be conceived. My head is so messed up. I will be strong

I’d have the baby OP but I’d MASSIVELY be celebrating the end of your marriage 🎉🎉

sounds like you’d be a lot freer without him ❤️

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