Unplanned pregnancy #6

[Blue127]

So we was together for 11 years,
he told me last week his been un happy for a while and he’s moving out and we will co parent the children. We have 5 kids.

well I just done a pregnancy test and it’s bloody positive. I have the coil in.
so I’m lost.
my youngest is only 1 then I have a 4 year old son that is Sen. It’s hard work.

I have told him and he said I should get rid. And it’s easy to do.
he said if I keep the baby he won’t be involved in the labour pregnancy or help with appointments. Also won’t help with baby.

I know deep down I shouldn’t keep this baby. But I feel so guilty .

I do all the child care he’s always working or out.

I understand. I think it’s just a really personal thing, because in my mind, regardless of how wonderful OP is as a mum, it’s basically simple mathematics - she’s taking away from each child the more children she has. I appreciate that that same logic would apply to a more “socially acceptable” amount of children (e.g, two or three, let’s say), but I do think that’s far more manageable, hence WHY it’s deemed “acceptable” by society. Once you get past that it does get extremely difficult to provide a good level of care and support alone, surely? And that’s not to mention the added strain of the relationship issues.

I only had it for 4 months and I had my period just as regularly and as heavily as usual i was so disappointed as the GP had told me it would solve all the issues ! I think it came out because of (tmi) large clots

@Welliguessso period tmi is my whole personality, don't worry! okay - I have terrible period pain and heavy bleeding and it impacts my life severely but not convinced by the coil as the solution. Thanks x

First time I went to the gym after getting mine, I was scared to move too much…

😱

So the whole ‘99.99%’ effective’ thing is based on ‘IF they don’t move’ 🫤

I found the insertion very painful too (the nurse told me it would be ok as I’ve had children but it wasn’t ok, very painful )

Don’t go through with it if you know you’ll regret it

you’ll cope fine with 6 kids❤️

No but he is clearly a rake.

How will you support yourself. Can you afford childcare for all six children so that you can go to work?

Hi @consistentlyinconsistent , it has done for me. I've had 2 coils - the first one I definitely had lighter periods, but still reasonably heavy (had quite heavy ones before the coil anyway). The second coil, I had a lot of on-off bleeding for the first 4 months, culminating in a massive bleed one day which frightened the life out of me.. but then it improved no end and my periods are incredibly light now.

When I had Mirena put in I had spotting most of the time for about 4 months and then no periods. I know several women who experienced the same.

They'll need to remove the coil first before they can safely terminate. So it might not happen that soon.

Same, I passed out.

What does he do in his ‘million pound business’?

I realized you never used the word husband. If that means there is no upcoming divorce, you need to make an even harder look at your financial situation before making any decisions.

No divorce means his only financial obligation is to pay CMS. If he is self-employed then he controls his own salary and can manipulate his earnings on paper to take home just what he needs. This will mean that his maintenance is based on the smallest amount possible.

not all men do this. However upstanding men don’t tend to walk away from 5 children, even if they aren’t thrilled with the relationship. It’s just too big of a family to manage as a coparents.

I 100% agree.
If you try telling this to people from religious communities though you will be absolutely slaughtered.
Evidence shows that generally children from smaller families do better because more time, attention and resources are invested in them. (Obviously this wont be the case if you are very wealthy and can afford a big family).
But relegious family will refuse to accept this. Instead they will hope and believe that everything will work out without no backup plan none whatsoever.

This is not a good situation to bring another child into.

It's not just about being able to look after them. It's the financial costs with raising them too. You say he has a successful business but how many women do you see on here in the same situation who are not getting anything because their ex's have hid money?

He’s never been bad with money he’s still paying for his children, the house is in my name,

And honestly I would make it work… I still run a small business on the side, I still have everything I need for a baby and hand me downs. He’s a bad other half ( not married ) I don’t think he wouldn’t help to pay for his children. I don’t know, am I selfish for keeping the baby… or do I just get rid but I know that will mess my head up to a point of no return

If you want the baby, for goodness sake keep it.

You sound confident you can manage on your own, so there's no real dilemma.

So he has a million pound business and won’t pay for his children??

For goodness sake.. really I was coming here for support. But no.
did I plan this no. I’m going to be alone, it’s hard I grown up in foster care, I have no family, other than my kids.
im not just a person your messaging I’m a woman alone scared and heartbroken but the baby didn’t ask to be here

I never said he wouldn’t pay

The writing is confusing but pretty sure that the OP is saying that, despite him not making a good OH, she has no reason to think that he won’t continue to financially support the kids.

The financial costs of another child is not buying baby things. it’s

the cost of childcare when you are at work

the reduced Income , career and promotion opportunities and pension from maternity leave , working part time, being the default parent and being on the mummy track for the next 16 years

the cost of feeding, clothing, educating and providing for yet another child for the next , say , 21 years

The cost of getting another child through university / college / apprenticeship/ onto the housing and career ladder .

The last ones are probably the biggest costs of all, you can end up housing them and subsidising / paying for then until their mid 20s . Many single mums get less in rent / board for their adult kids than they lose in council tax or extra food .

And of course you won’t get a penny from your ex after the child leaves school / non advanced education. That’s if you ever get any ( you won’t if he works for his own company ).