Unplanned pregnancy #6

[Blue127]

So we was together for 11 years,
he told me last week his been un happy for a while and he’s moving out and we will co parent the children. We have 5 kids.

well I just done a pregnancy test and it’s bloody positive. I have the coil in.
so I’m lost.
my youngest is only 1 then I have a 4 year old son that is Sen. It’s hard work.

I have told him and he said I should get rid. And it’s easy to do.
he said if I keep the baby he won’t be involved in the labour pregnancy or help with appointments. Also won’t help with baby.

I know deep down I shouldn’t keep this baby. But I feel so guilty .

I do all the child care he’s always working or out.

OP, you sound like you’ve made up your mind and have it all figured out, so I’m not sure what you’re looking for from this thread really? I’m really sorry you’re in this position and he sounds like a prize idiot, but equally I also think it’s unfair to just keep bringing children into the world. 6 is a heck of a lot, and every time you have another you’re limiting the time and resources you can provide to each one of them.

It’s so selfish to bring another child into this situation!!

Do you think a man happily prepared to let his partner put her body through five pregnancies is going to step up the the plate and take responsibility for his own fertility ?

No, I don't.

The poster that I quoted, however, seems to be full of sympathy for the useless husband.

How long have you had the coil? Did it move out of place or something? I have one and always thought it was one of the best contraception choices 😬

If you don’t want to terminate then don’t . You have to weigh up the situation. If you think you’ll make yourself unwell through regret and experience MH issues due to that then it’s a consideration but if you feel more strongly that having the baby will be more detrimental to you then you have choices available.

Do you have any family support or friends who may be able to offer support in rl?

Apparently, they're prone to moving. I have a Mirena fitted for the purposes of HRT and I've been warned that it's not that unusual for them to move out of place.

Mine literally fell out during my period (which I was told would become light - I’d only got the coil to try and deal with heavy periods!) I didn’t even feel it come out just went to change a pad and it was there 😂😂😂

You have a responsibility to your existing children.

You need to put your existing children first. Having a sixth sounds like it’s going to be detrimental to them.

I feel sorry for the kids

Do you genuinely believe you're a "good mum". That's different from doing your best.

My mum did it with 10.

It’s not that impossible.

OP, if you think you’re going to regret it then think very carefully before you make any decision.

Look OP, you’re the one who has to live with whichever decision you make. Not us on MN.

If he has his own business he can control his own salary. So he can pay you ZERO child maintenance if he chooses ( or maybe £7 / week).

If it would make you regret it don't do it. That will be far harder to live with than dealing with 6 children. Work out what you want and stick with that.

Whatever you do regarding the pregnancy, I suggest you get copies of all financial documents possible, both personal and business. Men have a tendency to engage in creative bookkeeping when they leave marriages.

you also need to start thinking about what you are going to do for work.

You clearly want this baby, so go for it. My only downer is that I lost my coil baby in the second trimester, so you need to get medical advice asap.

Five seems like so many to me, but you seem to cope with parenting single handedly anyway and he'll have to pay. Presumably you'll get a decent settlement from the divorce. Must importantly it sounds like you want the baby and would regret terminating. So keep the baby. Six is only one more than five!

You need time to think once the termination is done there’s no going back. Be ok with what you want to do.

I don’t believe OP has shared whether or not they’re married. Six may only be “one more than five” if we’re counting something trivial like how many biscuits I’ve had with my cuppa, but children? That’s a whole other little life and more distance for OP to stretch to try and (fully) meet the needs of all 6. Agree it’s OP’s decision, but, personally, I don’t think it’s something to be so flippant about.

I apologise for the flippancy, I was trying to be supportive to OP given that she sounds like a far more capable mum than I am (and I only have two). You are right, she doesn't mention marriage which could be a factor to consider.

i have a appointment Wednesday for a termination, of cause I’m concerned, I am more then capable of looking after them on my own, everyone that knows me always say they don’t know how I do it.

I just know I will regret it.
but it’s not just about me is it,
his coming over tonight when everyone asleep, to have a chat.

slightly off topic sorry, @Welliguessso has it had any impact on your periods? My GP keeps suggesting this but do not know anyone who has said it has made a difference.