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Original poster

Unplanned pregnancy #6

159 replies

Blue127 · 20/04/2025 07:43

So we was together for 11 years,
he told me last week his been un happy for a while and he’s moving out and we will co parent the children. We have 5 kids.

well I just done a pregnancy test and it’s bloody positive. I have the coil in.
so I’m lost.
my youngest is only 1 then I have a 4 year old son that is Sen. It’s hard work.

I have told him and he said I should get rid. And it’s easy to do.
he said if I keep the baby he won’t be involved in the labour pregnancy or help with appointments. Also won’t help with baby.

I know deep down I shouldn’t keep this baby. But I feel so guilty .

I do all the child care he’s always working or out.

OP posts:
nottheplan · 21/04/2025 19:41

Ignore the sarky posters OP. A lot of people think that any more than two children is just utterly scandalous 🤣 Of course you can look after and provide for another, it sounds like your other dc are all on board which is amazing. Best of luck ❤️

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 21/04/2025 19:45

Blue127 · 21/04/2025 19:29

For goodness sake.. really I was coming here for support. But no.
did I plan this no. I’m going to be alone, it’s hard I grown up in foster care, I have no family, other than my kids.
im not just a person your messaging I’m a woman alone scared and heartbroken but the baby didn’t ask to be here

OP, it’s YOUR decision. You've received a lot of support here when it comes to your ex being a bit of a piece of work who’s taken no responsibility for his own fertility. However, you’ve also come onto what is essentially an opinion forum, and so that’s what you’re going to get. I don’t think anyone has been unkind here? Best of luck for whatever you decide to do - and you do have a choice as the baby isn’t here yet. I hope you make the very best decision for you and all of your children, whatever that may be.

LazyArsedMagician · 21/04/2025 20:19

I would regret an abortion. But I would also regret bringing a 6th kid into the world.

You're obviously free to make your choice (and it sounds like you already have tbh) but I would make the sensible head choice over the emotional heart choice in your position.

Ponderingwindow · 21/04/2025 20:46

I think it’s pretty clear that you know what you want to do with regards to the pregnancy. It’s your decision. No one else’s opinion really matters.

my advice to you is to do everything you can to protect yourself financially as quickly as possible. Pregnancies can come with complications or they can fail especially as we age. You truly have no idea what the next year holds for you. Take advantage of every minute that you have energy and ability to figure out how you will run a house for 5 or 6 children.

Bibi12 · 21/04/2025 23:19

OP what is your financial situation? Did you check what benefits you'll be entitled to as a single parent? Do you habe own house. Do you pay mortgage? Do you have family support? Will you be able to go back to work after maternity leave?

I know married professional couples who due to very high mortgage and childcare costs can only afford one child. Then there are single mums who are mortgage free of have social housing and who manage just fine with 3 or more.

Same with energy and mental load. Some people struggle with one and some thrive in bigger families.
Everyone's situation is different.

You really need to sit down and carefully think if you will manage- financially, emotionally and physically. Talk to your partner and find out what support he will be able to offer but dont count on it too much as anything can happen.

Only you know your own situation. Only you know if you will manage.

It has to be your decision. You know what's right for you and your family so trust your own judgment.

Original poster
Blue127 · 22/04/2025 13:45

Well turns out he has been having an affair.
so that’s why he doesn’t want this baby doesn’t want to make his new girlfriend sad or anything.

OP posts:
SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 22/04/2025 15:34

Blue127 · 22/04/2025 13:45

Well turns out he has been having an affair.
so that’s why he doesn’t want this baby doesn’t want to make his new girlfriend sad or anything.

He's told his new girlfriend it isn't an affair, you're living separate lives under same roof, not even having sex. The usual script. Your pregnancy disproves that and he's worries she'll find out he was screwing you both at the same time.

Keep your baby if you want it. You already have 5, you know what you're doing. He's not contributed to childcare or anything anyway as he sees it as your job. You're already doing everything and 6 instead of 5 is probably not going to make much difference. Just got to accept you're going in alone. Main issue is if you have a child with complex needs and what that would take away from the others.

You won't get a break though, very few people will agree to take care of 5 kids, even fewer 6. But sounds like you're already doing it all with no break from the 5 anyway.

Original poster
Blue127 · 22/04/2025 16:36

No we was still living in the house, he just left the relationships. He’s been seeing her for a year, we have been having sex hence the pregnancy

OP posts:
Original poster
Blue127 · 22/04/2025 16:43

And I never get a break anyways, I had 2 evenings to my self in the last 8 years so I don’t mind.
I have told him I’m keeping this baby.
I can do this, my kids miss out on nothing. I do everything anyways. I have asked close friends and family to help with appointments ect while pregnant, then I will fine :)

OP posts:
EachandEveryone · 22/04/2025 17:13

You need to sort the money out

FartNRoses · 22/04/2025 18:15

Blue127 · 22/04/2025 16:43

And I never get a break anyways, I had 2 evenings to my self in the last 8 years so I don’t mind.
I have told him I’m keeping this baby.
I can do this, my kids miss out on nothing. I do everything anyways. I have asked close friends and family to help with appointments ect while pregnant, then I will fine :)

Ok, and what happens if you ever get sick? End up in hospital?
Or what if you die OP? Who will take care of 6 children? All you’re doing is thinking about today. What about your future?
I despair sometimes. I really do.

ApparentlySomeDo · 22/04/2025 18:46

I don't believe anyone can give that many children a truly good quality of life.

All these people who throw out anecdotes about their ancestors or neighbour's great aunt who had 12/13/14 children and they all "survived" - shouldn't we aim a little higher than that? Surviving is the bare minimum, children deserve to be brought into an environment where they can thrive.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 22/04/2025 19:05

FartNRoses · 22/04/2025 18:15

Ok, and what happens if you ever get sick? End up in hospital?
Or what if you die OP? Who will take care of 6 children? All you’re doing is thinking about today. What about your future?
I despair sometimes. I really do.

Show quote history

You are aware she is going from 5 kids to 6 not 0 kids to 6 right?

Youngest is only 1 so clearly she has everything she needs for the 6th and can continue to keep stuff. She won't need to buy much if anything.

Been together 11 years, says she hasn't had a break in 8 years so sounds like eldest is 8/9. So 5 kids between 1 and 8, having the 6th is hardly starting again.

If she ends up sick or in hospital or dead she will have the exact same issue with having 5 as with having 6. There's less than 2 years between number 5 and potential number 6, it's not like if she had 5 between 13 and 18 then had a baby and a relative would be like well I can take teenagers and not a baby.

In this situation, barring issues like profound disability as I already mentioned, I can't see having the 6th actually making a huge amount of difference. If she wants the 6th and thinks she will have a lot of regret - well I'd say all the kids would prefer there to be 6th of them and a happy mum than 5 of them and a mum with mental health problems because of guilt and regret and resentment over the abortion she didn't want. And to be clear I'm very strongly pro-choice, and as part of that I think people should be able to choose not to have an abortion without judgement just as much as choosing to have one without judgement.

Original poster
Blue127 · 22/04/2025 20:05

@SaveMeFromMyBoobs thank you so much, my children do have a good life, I take them everywhere on my own no stress, my house is clean they have a healthy diet, I take them on holiday on my own. I’m with with 100% of the time.
and for the comment what happens if I die, well that’s stupid anything could happen my mum died when I was 14, ( she was 36) turn out ok. I do love the bones of my kids, they are doing great at school, I have time 1 to 1 every day, they are very happy children.
I have adapted and overcome everything.
but unfortunately, I have stared to bleed and yes I’m devastated, I’m on my own after cleaning feeding and putting everyone to bed, in pain and upset, but guess what the kids didn’t see anything, and tomorrow I will wake up and be happy for them.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 22/04/2025 20:07

I'm sorry, @Blue127 . Given that you have a coil, please see a doctor as soon as possible.

Original poster
Blue127 · 22/04/2025 20:12

I will tomorrow, I feel so numb mentally.

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 22/04/2025 20:28

I don't know what to say, @Blue127 . I'm sending you a big hug.

BeCleverViewer · 22/04/2025 20:28

To be honest if you can truly do this alone pregnancy first years and care for your children keep it. It's a bitter regret to have. Your not on benefits and own your own home your ex contributes in full. Not for everyone but your hardly popping kids out at other people's expense. Big family over here.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 22/04/2025 20:31

@ApparentlySomeDo especially considering with how often the older children were parentified whether they wanted to or not.

My grandmother had 10 children with a span of 20 years between them (not by choice, bless her) and she did the best she could, but it was a very hard life. Obviously nowadays with help and benefits it can be done with better life quality, but still.

WearyAuldWumman · 22/04/2025 20:34

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 22/04/2025 20:31

@ApparentlySomeDo especially considering with how often the older children were parentified whether they wanted to or not.

My grandmother had 10 children with a span of 20 years between them (not by choice, bless her) and she did the best she could, but it was a very hard life. Obviously nowadays with help and benefits it can be done with better life quality, but still.

Please read the OP's update.

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 22/04/2025 20:47

@Blue127so sorry to hear this, OP. Do seek medical attention ASAP. Wishing you all the very best.

Neetra30 · 22/04/2025 21:10

I am sorry to hear that @Blue127
How many weeks are you at the moment? Can you get a scan to see if everything is still going ok?

Original poster
Blue127 · 22/04/2025 21:52

I’m 5 weeks 3 days he just came back I was crying on the loo he said can you not cry somewhere else

OP posts:
AnonAnonmystery · 22/04/2025 21:59

@Blue127 I am sorry to hear this.
These men act like they are possessed when they have admitted there is an ow. How heartless he is!

Original poster
Blue127 · 22/04/2025 22:01

after the comment I had a bath and used his oddie ( always do it very warm ) he asked why I was using it, I said well I’m cold. He asked for it back. It feel like I don’t know this man. It’s like I’m living with a devil

OP posts: