Unplanned pregnancy #6

[Blue127]

So we was together for 11 years,
he told me last week his been un happy for a while and he’s moving out and we will co parent the children. We have 5 kids.

well I just done a pregnancy test and it’s bloody positive. I have the coil in.
so I’m lost.
my youngest is only 1 then I have a 4 year old son that is Sen. It’s hard work.

I have told him and he said I should get rid. And it’s easy to do.
he said if I keep the baby he won’t be involved in the labour pregnancy or help with appointments. Also won’t help with baby.

I know deep down I shouldn’t keep this baby. But I feel so guilty .

I do all the child care he’s always working or out.

have the baby - look on the baby as a good thing - the catalyst you needed to end your marriage ❤️

@SonarRadar thank you so much, looking back I stayed when I should of left, I do everything on my own, I even work.

You sound amazing ❤️

Yes I have worked but he hated it, and wouldn’t have the kids on Saturday as they are my responsibility.
I think I was being mentally abused I thought I was always in the wrong oh yeh he cheated and it was because of me

And for people saying I don’t blame him ext I have been begging him to get the snip for years.

And I have asked my older kids I haven’t said I’m pregnant just what if I had another baby they have all said yes yes they love having a big family.

I got told today he’s already meeting a woman. So I know I’m gunna be raising them alone

I think you have enough on your plate without bringing into the mix , you are bringing up 5 kids the youngest being 1on your own.
Prioritise building a better life for your existing children . It sounds as if your EX can’t be depended on to help care for them .

Your right he can’t I have been doing it alone

I know what I would do in this situation but if you can really see yourself as a single mum of 6 and you can't cope with termination then luckily you're free to choose that. You have 5 already so you know it's hard work, especially with a child with SEND. Go in with your eyes open.

Well if you don’t want to terminate the pregnancy, you have 3 options

1. have the baby and raise baby yourself
2. have the baby and hope that your ex or another family member will raise the baby
3. have the baby and place them for adoption

Unless you think that the second one is an option in your Family, then you have only two choices . Neither are easy and you will feel guilty whatever you do.

So you have to decide what is best for baby, your other children and you.

If your ex or his family don’t want to bring up the baby, your ex can’t block baby being adopted. He will be asked to give his consent, but if he refuses, that can be over ridden by the court when the Baby is legally adopted.

If you don’t want a termination, you have sone time to decide. Of course if you do, you need to act quickly I’m afraid.

If you’ve still got the coil in you need to get medical advice urgently. I’m sorry you find yourself here. I hope you’re not still having sex with him.

If you think you can manage and you want the baby, then have them. If you don’t think you can give them a very good quality of life, then don’t. I would take him out of the equation in any decision-making, though. He’s made his feelings clear, so it’s his loss. Whatever you do, don’t keep the baby to try and use as leverage. That won’t work out, for anyone.

Rubbish choice. My only advice to focus on what you think you would regret more, and the impact of each decision on you and current children (your mental health of terminating and continuing relevant factor, as well as finances practicalities etc)
Good luck

Oh I know I can give the baby a good life I’m a very good mum.
we don’t talk to his family, he a very selfish person, I know will be doing this alone and that’s ok,
I have a appointment booked for Wednesday
yes I have the coil in, they said they will have to leave it in

I don't think you should have the baby. Where does it stop. You can't just keep on bringing children into the world. It's not fair on any of them.

Haven’t read all replies to see if it’s been mentioned, but please go to your GP asap. Pregnancy on the coil can cause ectopic pregnancy, which is what happened to me. GP will refer you to hospital for early scans to see if they can locate the pregnancy, and hopefully you won’t end up like me, with a ruptured tube at 6 weeks gestation requiring emergency, life saving surgery. Good luck OP

I’m not suggesting that you’re not a good mum - I’m sure you are. What I mean by ensuring you can give them a good quality of life is more about how thinly you’ll be spread if you have another while doing all of this on your own. It’s simply natural that the more children you have, the less you’re able to give to each child.

OP just keep in mind the fact that ecen though your ex partner did not help with his previous five children, I assume that as a residential working parent you could rely on him financially?
I ask this because for too many men, not living with their children immediately translates into thinking subsistence level support is enough to bring them up on.

Just keep in mind that bringing up five children on benefits and adding another one who existence will lead to contention , plus fighting for maintenance .... all of this will be a very hard road to hoe.

Six kids with the second youngest not old enough to carry the youngest will take a far sturdier mind than one that justified having so many for a man who thinks bringing home some wages is parenting 101.

You have to be prepared to grow up in this new chapter of your life.

sorry grow up?
im grown woman. I’m not silly. I just been stupid in thinking something would change.
yes he has a million pound business so he will have to support them

You say he'll have to but it's very common for men to refuse to do so. You only have to have a quick look on here to see men, especially ones with their own businesses, hiding their money and refusing to support their kids financially. Can you make it work without him? You have to seriously consider all of these things.

@WallaceinAnderland well ofc it will stop after this baby, I’m now single and not a hoe 😂

If you can't live with the guilt of terminating, then go ahead and have the baby.

Please seek legal advice about child maintenance.

Given how much his business makes you hopefully have a home large enough to accommodate all the children comfortably. Are you able to support yourself staying in it as he’s moved out? Or will it have to be sold? If you’re not currently claiming benefits you could look into that now.

I do.

The coil isn't foolproof. If he doesn't want to father any more children, he should have a vasectomy.