New Partner Wet the Bed

[NewManIssue]

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

But from what I’ve read, it’s very unlikely it’s a one off in which case….goodbye

So it isn't a one off - and its not goodbye.

Why have you changed your mind on this?

I wish you luck OP. It’s your decision of course, I just think it’s a lot of navel gazing and effort for a man you’ve been with for 4 weeks. Not a partner, not even a boyfriend. A guy you’ve been on a few dates with. Dating in the early days is supposed to be fun. Not tearful discussions about behaviour and health issues.

Its not so much the pissing, it's the behaviour after that's deplorable. I don't care how embarrassing it was, he knew damn well he'd pissed himself. If he had been mortified, apologised, cleaned up and ordered new bedding then and there then ok. But he slunk off and the OP had to go to his place of work, bring it up then he's acting grateful that she did. Fuck that!
That's what people on here are trying to say to you. The behaviour around the aftermath is what is concerning.

I think he's lying to OP. This whole situation is just not normal.

He has said that it won't happen again because he knows what triggers it.

If he is so confident that he can make sure it doesn't happen again, why didn't he make sure it didn't happen this time.

It sounds like a story he has made up to cover himself but it doesn't actually stack up when you look at it logically.

This makes me think that unfortunately he does sound like an alcoholic and, as we all know, alcoholics can lower their intake for a while but they always go back to the bottle. The bed wetting (probably pissing in other places too) and alcoholic benders will probably resurface soon enough.

It's already clear that he is willing, happy even, to disrespect her by leaving his pool of piss for her to clean up.

When he said he 'knows what causes it' did he explain to you what that is? I understand if you don't want to share that here, but did he explain that fully? I don't believe for one minute that he didn't know he'd done it. My alcoholic ex used to piss in random places when he'd been topping up his already ridiculous drinking by sneaking neat spirits. The worst part of what your bf did, is to act mortified as if he had no idea he'd done it. An adult knows when they've pissed the bed.

My stepson had a problem with bed wetting as a child well into his teenage years, it was intermittent and distressing and certainly nothing to do with alcohol. A friend had the same problem with her son. It’s totally unconscious and can be to do with deep sleep and the brain just not triggering the wake-up response in time. It’s really common. Your partner is obviously aware of it and the triggers. Anxiety would make it worse. For peace of mind I would sugggest investing in a discreet waterproof undersheet. Then should the worst happen your mattress won’t be affected.

He's changed since he met you? From what to what?

You realise this is a grown man not a teenager with an underdeveloped frontal lobe and Pitian gland I believe it’s called.

He's changed from someone who stayed behind after work to drink on his own to someone who wets his new girlfriend's bed and runs off without saying anything.

Yes I do realise thank you very much. The point is this is a problem that can persist into adulthood given certain triggers.

Well, after reading quite a lot of the posts but not all. I wish the OP well, she's a grown woman who is clearly level headed and sensible.
She asked for advice and being a seasoned MNer knew what she was letting herself in for on here.
I hope that the positive, kind and helpful advice has been useful to her and she ignores the hateful, judgemental and vile comments some have chosen to express.

Yes, like vast quantities of alcohol.

The OP said it wasn’t loads of alcohol

No, OP said he had 3-5 pints. That doesn't preclude him drinking much more on the sly.

3-5 pints doesn't involve wetting the bed for most people.
I can drink that and be in good form but certainly not pissed.
Wetting the bed would need double that at least and a few shorts as well IMO.
He was drinking spirits before he arrived is my bet.

This is true. The guy is a big and habitual drinker. Until a month ago, sitting up every night drinking alone after work. Seems unlikely then that after 4 pints, spread out over a day which included a meal, he was what the OP described as 'very drunk'. It always used to baffle me the way my ex could go out and drink 6 pints and several whiskies on a night out and be fine, yet at home would be insensible after 'a couple of cans'. Took finding the empty vodka bottles in the garage to make it make sense.

Same!!

Then I wouldn’t be sleeping in someone else’s bed! It’s enough I’d wet my own and in the event of that happening, I’d have taken precautions and have a waterproof mattress cover in place.

It obviously hadn’t happened before with the OP and we don’t know what the trigger was or when it last happened to him. I can understand it was pretty horrible at the time for her.

I didn't comment earlier but I am glad to learn you have given him another chance and that you and he both dealt with the situation gracefully. FWIW my now husband had a poo accident in my bed the first night he slept at my place. We have been married over 30 years, so I think it was worth my forgiving him.

I just wanted to say Good Luck 🍀

MN is not as kind and supportive as it used to be, and I really think that some posters get off on being nosy and unkind.

But you have thought things through, handled everything perfectly, and you know what you want. So take no notice of the nay sayers and I hope everything works out for you. Life is short and you need to grasp fun and joy when you find it.

Amen to that! Fully agree, good to you @NewManIssue - I think it says a lot about your character (in a good way!).

Life is all about forgiveness and second chances, like the time I forgave my elderly neighbour for shitting on my foot (she was really old).

Quite frankly it's not me that will be raging at you because he isn't my boyfriend and it's not my problem. I'm just saying that if that was me this would be the end. I don't need this kind of hassle in my life.

Are you single?

And of course everything you are exposed to your children are exposed to.