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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New Partner Wet the Bed

1000 replies

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 21:55

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

OP posts:
thedancingclown · 15/04/2025 22:17

Probably embarrassed but highly likely this is linked to booze rather than a regular occurrence.

(now thinking back to the scene in trainspotting & spuds bedsheet accident - it could have been worse)

Original poster
NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:17

@BlondeMummyto1 he’s 50

OP posts:
NautilusLionfish · 15/04/2025 22:19

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:13

To be honest I don’t think he realised, But I’ll find that out when I speak to him which is why I want to do it face-to-face…

Of course he realised. Did he sleep naked? The thing is he didn't even bother to apologise AND strip the bed. No respect for you.

But let's wind way back ( we'll not that far back(.

You met a month ago and your kids have met, meaning your kids met not just him buy his kids? Hand the fu-ta-ck on. You need to slloooooow down. Too soon.
You don't know this man. Nor him you. So you shouldn't be meeting each other's kids and your respective kids shouldn't be meeting each other. Too soon

Original poster
NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:19

FusionChefGeoff · 15/04/2025 22:16

In my experience you have to be really fucking drunk to wet the bed! I’m in recovery and was an absolute mess towards the end of my drinking but I ‘only’ wet the bed twice after inhuman quantities of booze.

I’d suspect this was a sign of a much deeper issue with alcohol and that he was secret drinking on top
of what you had together??

Thank you - that’s helpful, I’m going to question that but he must hide it well, as he seemed completely sober when he arrived.

OP posts:
BlondeMummyto1 · 15/04/2025 22:19

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:17

@BlondeMummyto1 he’s 50

Edited

My neighbours partner used to wet the bed everytime he had a drink at this age.

Eggsboxedandmelting · 15/04/2025 22:20

Tell him he needs to replace your mattress..
My ex was an alcoholic.. At least he used to make it to the wardrobe..

cocoloco23 · 15/04/2025 22:20

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:16

Well, if he is embarrassed and it’s a regular thing, then I definitely want to do it face-to-face because I will be telling him exactly what I think of him.

For not telling me that this could be an issue and for making out it was sweat and for leaving me with the stinking mess!

Did he actually say it was sweat? So he lied
to you as well??

I’ve woken up in my own sweat before after a really hot night. Waking up in someone else’s sweat is gross. Waking up in someone else’s urine is just vile.

Original poster
NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:21

Can we chill about him meeting a 32 year old daughter of mine who happened to be in the same place we were for lunch by total coincidence?

OP posts:
AlisounOfBath · 15/04/2025 22:22

Prostate trouble…?

SparklyGlitterballs · 15/04/2025 22:22

My late DH did this once only. He was extremely drunk and in the night he sat up, swung his legs off the bed and just seemed to sit there. It was only when I realised the bed was wet I realised that in his paralytic state he thought he'd walked to the bathroom and was sitting on the toilet. I read him the riot act and it was never repeated. If your bf just laid there and wet himself then that's something else altogether. I reckon too that your bf knew what he'd done.

Original poster
NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:23

@cocoloco23 I just assumed and said oh my God were you boiling hot in the night or something and he said yes it was hot last night, which it had been the last two nights we spent together, Sunday and Monday.
So I’m guessing either he genuinely didn’t realise which seems unlikely because I’m pretty sure I would know, he’s a deep deep sleeper but THAT deep??!! Or I gave him a get out…

OP posts:
BlondeMummyto1 · 15/04/2025 22:23

It’s a bit of a reach to assume he’s an alcoholic too.

AlisounOfBath · 15/04/2025 22:23

NautilusLionfish · 15/04/2025 22:19

Of course he realised. Did he sleep naked? The thing is he didn't even bother to apologise AND strip the bed. No respect for you.

But let's wind way back ( we'll not that far back(.

You met a month ago and your kids have met, meaning your kids met not just him buy his kids? Hand the fu-ta-ck on. You need to slloooooow down. Too soon.
You don't know this man. Nor him you. So you shouldn't be meeting each other's kids and your respective kids shouldn't be meeting each other. Too soon

Show quote history

The “kid” is 32. I think she’ll cope with meeting her mum’s DP.

orangedream · 15/04/2025 22:24

That's horrible. He has to go. You can hardly pay for a new mattress every time he stays over. Gross.

Trinity69 · 15/04/2025 22:26

Had an ex who used to do this. He used to smoke weed too and slept like he’d died. It was a regular thing. Chances are he’s done it before and he’ll most likely do it again.

NautilusLionfish · 15/04/2025 22:26

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:21

Can we chill about him meeting a 32 year old daughter of mine who happened to be in the same place we were for lunch by total coincidence?

Fair enough. I responded before the update. In any case, have a chat with him. Perhaps it's a regular thing (you will know soon enough as you seem to drink together fairly frequently) perhaps it's one off. May be it's poor prostate health or linked to alcoholism or whatever. What matters is that he did not respect you enough to strip the bed. He could have stripped the bed, thrown bedding in the wash then text you that he was sorry and too embarrassed to tell you openly. Then send a whole bunch of flowers or whatever he knows you will like again with deepest apologies. Instead this grown arse man lied that it was sweat and let you deal with it. Vile.

proximalhumerous · 15/04/2025 22:26

How did he manage to pee on the pillows?

minnienono · 15/04/2025 22:26

To those who are questioning meeting a 32 year old child, why? They are an adult, absolutely normal to introduce. My dd met my now husband on our 3rd date because she lived with me then! No big deal

Christwosheds · 15/04/2025 22:27

There are some health conditions that can cause this too, it might not be the booze, or not just the booze. I would talk to him. Maybe this was the first time, maybe it happens occasionally, but you need a talk about it.

Endofyear · 15/04/2025 22:27

Yuk 🤮 that would definitely be the last time he ever slept in my bed! Throw this one back in the sea!

NautilusLionfish · 15/04/2025 22:28

AlisounOfBath · 15/04/2025 22:23

The “kid” is 32. I think she’ll cope with meeting her mum’s DP.

Show quote history

Saw the update after posting and have rolled back on that directly to op. I still maintain it was disrespectful to not strip and wash bedding. And if he could not face telling her, follow that up with a text apologising and explaining.

jen337 · 15/04/2025 22:28

That would be curtains for me. If this doesn’t give you the ick then he must be god’s gift or something.

BelfastBard · 15/04/2025 22:29

It would be a deal breaker for me that he didn’t mention it and left it for you to clean up. That’s unacceptable.
An adult wetting the bed if it’s something that can’t be helped is one thing. Although really what you’re describing is that he got so drunk he pissed himself…

Original poster
NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:29

I’m really glad I asked because it’s giving me a different perspective. I am a very forgiving person, but there’s no way I can deal with this regularly or even twice tbh!

I definitely need to speak to him. Our communication is usually excellent so if he knew which I’m gonna have to assume he did now then that’s very poor of him as well.

OP posts:
StarCourt · 15/04/2025 22:32

NautilusLionfish · 15/04/2025 22:19

Of course he realised. Did he sleep naked? The thing is he didn't even bother to apologise AND strip the bed. No respect for you.

But let's wind way back ( we'll not that far back(.

You met a month ago and your kids have met, meaning your kids met not just him buy his kids? Hand the fu-ta-ck on. You need to slloooooow down. Too soon.
You don't know this man. Nor him you. So you shouldn't be meeting each other's kids and your respective kids shouldn't be meeting each other. Too soon

Show quote history

why do people never read the thread…

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