Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

New Partner Wet the Bed

1000 replies

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 21:55

That’s it, basically.

I met someone about a month ago and it has been fantastic really good fun no issues at all, we’ve done absolutely loads together, met friends of each other and an adult child, and have lots of planned.

He came over yesterday afternoon because we were both off work and we went out for a walk had a few drinks. He made us some food. We had a few more drinks and we were both pretty drunk, I will admit.

The morning when I went over to give him a hug as the alarm was about to go off the bed was soaking, I presumed with sweat…no particular smell at this stage.

I left my bed open to air with a view to stripping the sheets after work, however when I went back in there the whole room reeked of urine and there was a huge stain and it has gone through my mattress topper and my mattress is still soaking wet as are the pillows.

I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I feel like it’s something I need to speak to him face-to-face about which I could probably do tomorrow when he finishes work at about 9:30pm but otherwise I’m unlikely to see him for a few days.

I feel a little awkward. I don’t want him embarrass him however surely it’s not the first time even if this is the first time with me since I’ve known him.

It’s not a dealbreaker initially, however if it’s a regular thing, it’s definitely a dealbreaker. I think I’m just gonna have to say, I had to sleep on the sofa tonight…the bed was still wet and it wasn’t sweat - which we initially assumed…

If anyone can give me any advice or have experienced this, please shout!

Bloody typical it has been going amazingly well, For the first time in my life, I’m with a man who is more keen on me than I am him (guards up still 🤣)

OP posts:
Silverstars21 · 15/04/2025 23:29

Op, how would you feel if this was due to an enlarged prostate rather than it being due to excessive alcohol,although there are no excuses if indeed it was an accident due to alcohol.

To all those who are saying get rid of him,I'd be interested to hear if your DH became incontinent a few times before finding out it was a genuine medical issue, would your thoughts about your DH be the same as the thoughts your sharing with the OP about her partner? 🤔

Havingaswimmoose · 15/04/2025 23:29

I've read on mumsnet that it's best to sleep with a man very early on to 'see what he's like in bed'.

Obviously I assumed that it is to judge the sex

I'm seeing a new light on this advice now. Does he piss the bed can be added to the things to discover before committing.

Havingaswimmoose · 15/04/2025 23:31

Silverstars21 · 15/04/2025 23:29

Op, how would you feel if this was due to an enlarged prostate rather than it being due to excessive alcohol,although there are no excuses if indeed it was an accident due to alcohol.

To all those who are saying get rid of him,I'd be interested to hear if your DH became incontinent a few times before finding out it was a genuine medical issue, would your thoughts about your DH be the same as the thoughts your sharing with the OP about her partner? 🤔

She's known him a month. Bit different to a DH.

LoobyLott · 15/04/2025 23:32

That is disgusting.

YYYDlilah · 15/04/2025 23:33

Indeed, and despite the wisecracks, I pp about midlife incontinence.
It's not a laughing matter.

Motherofdragons24 · 15/04/2025 23:33

My husband done this once in the very very early days of our relationship, he was still living with his parents and thankfully it happened at their house! We had been out, both pretty drunk, woke up in the morning to the bed soaked, he was horrified, I excused myself to the bathroom to give him the opportunity to clean it up without the shame of me standing there watching. Together 11 years married for 8 now, it’s never ever happened again so I wouldn’t automatically assume it was a common occurrence for him or that he’s lied. To be honest we laugh about it now with me giving him a gentle ribbing.

Hastentoadd · 15/04/2025 23:37

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:13

To be honest I don’t think he realised, But I’ll find that out when I speak to him which is why I want to do it face-to-face…

Of course he realised, how could he not, someone knows when they are lying in a wet bed

ChilledProsecco · 15/04/2025 23:42

Oooft! That is not normal!
I say this as someone in their 50’s who is single & dating recently.
I just wouldn’t feel the same way as someone after that!

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 15/04/2025 23:46

NewManIssue · 15/04/2025 22:13

To be honest I don’t think he realised, But I’ll find that out when I speak to him which is why I want to do it face-to-face…

There is no way he could not have realised.

PeteReturns · 15/04/2025 23:47

even if he really believed he had ‘only’ soaked your bed and bedding in sweat, he should have stripped it and apologised.
the fact he didn’t tells you he did know.
and he left his filth for you to clean.
i bet he will get defensive when you ask, rather than what he should do which is replace all with brand new.
you don’t know this man.
anyone can be on best behaviour for one month, the real him is showing.
its could be a medical issue which is sad for him but not your problem.
more likely this has happened before and he’s a dirty sneak.

CactusSammy · 15/04/2025 23:47

He knew full well what has happened.

Having experienced exes pissing in the wardrobe and other delightful places when drunk, my guess would be that he has a drink problem.

I'd get shot of him, before he becomes your problem.

Silverstars21 · 15/04/2025 23:49

If this man has an issue with alcohol causing him to wet the bed the OP would be well within her rights to tell him to seek help and end it. There is no need to jump to this conclusion until there has been a serious discussion about it given they are getting on so well. At the very least he deserves to be given a chance to give a detailed explanation about the situation & admit he has a problem & what causes it, especially if it's happened before.

LeonardCohensFamousBlueRaincoat · 15/04/2025 23:52

He should have immediately owned up, stripped your bed and put in the wash and ordered you a new mattress and pillows there and then. No matter what the reason or excuse

AdoraBell · 15/04/2025 23:56

I would tell him his has to replace the mattress, and deal with getting the old out.

Then I’d tell him it’s a deal breaker for me.

shuggles · 15/04/2025 23:57

@NewManIssue I’ve never experienced this before, Although I know it can be something some men do when they are drunk…

I've never heard of anyone doing this when drunk. I haven't.

SallyDraperGetInHere · 15/04/2025 23:58

Silverstars21 · 15/04/2025 23:29

Op, how would you feel if this was due to an enlarged prostate rather than it being due to excessive alcohol,although there are no excuses if indeed it was an accident due to alcohol.

To all those who are saying get rid of him,I'd be interested to hear if your DH became incontinent a few times before finding out it was a genuine medical issue, would your thoughts about your DH be the same as the thoughts your sharing with the OP about her partner? 🤔

This avoids the fact that he left a soaked bed without mentioning it. The OP mentions her own menopause and experience of night sweats - it’s not like she didn’t wonder if there was an innocent cause. There wasn’t. He left it for her to sort out. She’s perfectly within her rights to bail should she choose to do so. I simply cannot imagine a woman leaving without a word of apology in a similar circumstance!

pinkstripeycat · 15/04/2025 23:59

I can assure you OP he did know. My DH was an alcoholic and wetting the bed was a regular thing. He didn’t care, he wasn’t embarrassed and he didn’t ever try and clean it up.

You need to tell him and he needs to be sorry. He won’t be though. Bin him

pinkstripeycat · 16/04/2025 00:00

CactusSammy · 15/04/2025 23:47

He knew full well what has happened.

Having experienced exes pissing in the wardrobe and other delightful places when drunk, my guess would be that he has a drink problem.

I'd get shot of him, before he becomes your problem.

Agree

DoYouReally · 16/04/2025 00:01

If he had a medical condition, he would have know amd should have said.

Even if it was the very first time, he would have realised.

Even if he was embarrassed, he should have dealt with it

If he completely ignored and left you to it, he's taking the piss (literally and figuratively).

PeteReturns · 16/04/2025 00:01

An old friend of mine was notorious for pissing himself, did it at mine luckily only on garden furniture that could be hosed down, he had previously been known to wreck a sofa bed and a mattress. (I didn’t know this when I invited him to a party)
It was a drink and drug problem.
An ex of mine pissed in the corner of the bedroom missing the power outlet by an inch.
also a drink problem.
This would 100% be a dealbreaker for me.
Youre a month in, moving too fast anyway by the sounds of it.
The piss or even if it was sweat would be bad enough as gross, but the leaving it for you and sneaking out is the real test of his character.
He knew.
I used to wet the bed as a kid, I always knew, and I always cleaned myself up.
Are you leaving this strange man in your house after you leave?
You shouldnt do that.

Jewel52 · 16/04/2025 00:05

SpringIsSpringing25 · 15/04/2025 22:48

@NewManIssue

before this, you had had a great time with him, you got on well and you thought there was a future in it.

Don't let everyone here turn this into something it might not be.

He may have changed a medication he's on that hasn't reacted well to alcohol? It may be the first time.- sometime has to be the first time. He may not be aware of having done it..

Talk to him with an open mind,

As for letting him meet your children 🤣🤣🤣 at 32 years old, not months old, I do think she'll cope!!

Bar, how low?

She’s known him a month, one month and literally owes him nothing. He absolutely knew he’d wet her bed and skipped out the door leaving her with a stench and no explanation.

He could’ve explained the scenarios you’ve suggesting at the time or since and the fact he hasn’t speaks volumes. He’s done this before and is hoping she puts up with it.

The earlier you chuck a rat, the easier it is

Tbrh · 16/04/2025 00:11

Naunet · 15/04/2025 22:09

The fact he said nothing and just left should bother you

This is the worst part!

Jewel52 · 16/04/2025 00:12

HappiestSleeping · 15/04/2025 23:12

I'm a man. In my early years, I have been so drunk I couldn't feel my face, but I didn't wet the bed. Now I'm in my 50s, I know better than to get that drunk, and I'm still hopeful I wouldn't wet the bed. I suspect a more underlying issue here.

Full credit to OP for being open minded, however I agree with previous posters that life is full of problems without stacking the deck against yourself.

Thank you, thank you - for a bit of bloody common sense. One month in, their problems shouldn’t be your problems

Twilight7777 · 16/04/2025 00:16

Sounds like he could be an alcoholic. I’ve heard this is quite common.

Jewel52 · 16/04/2025 00:16

Silverstars21 · 15/04/2025 23:49

If this man has an issue with alcohol causing him to wet the bed the OP would be well within her rights to tell him to seek help and end it. There is no need to jump to this conclusion until there has been a serious discussion about it given they are getting on so well. At the very least he deserves to be given a chance to give a detailed explanation about the situation & admit he has a problem & what causes it, especially if it's happened before.

One month relationship - she hopes him diddly squat

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.