No Children at weddings AGAIN!!!!

[cathers]

Can't believe it. Opened the post this morning to find wedding invite number 3 for this summer. Yet again 'UNFORTUNATELY NO CHILDREN ALLOWED!' stipulated.

That now means that for three weekends in may and June we will have to choose between the wedding of 3 close family / friends or finding a babysitter for 12 hours at a time!All weddings are over 150 miles away.

Is this the current vogue to have adult only weddings? Personally find that some weddings without kids can be stuffy and v formal. Much prefer old fashioned celebratory sort! Any one else finding this?
What are you doing?

I like the fact that churches are public places...
For my own particular "situation", given that there are a load of small children going to be there anyhow (so the "non-disruption" argument really doesn't stand up), I am thinking that taking my (specifically not-invited) newborn to the church bit wouldn't be totally unreasonable... although obviously I would sit at the back & take him out immediately if he starts crying!

On the marriage & children thing - I can see both points of view expressed here. Personally I'm not married, but would have much prefered to be before getting pregnant. Sometimes things don't work out exactly how you'd like them though!

My own preference is for weddings that involve children as my personal view is that weddings are family occasions and marriage is in part about having children.
However I also feel that a wedding is a very special day for the couple involved, and whatever their choice (and budget) dictates should be respected... even if it's not what I would choose personally.
The ones I don't understand (and frankly, find quite rude) are where a couple invites some children but excludes others without explanation then get ratty at the suggestion that you might not be able to attend due to cost / childcare issues. i.e. my own "situation"...

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probably won't be getting married any time soon- couldn't stand the stress lol!!

Right, so just to summarise before I go fuck myself APM.

If other people get married they have to invite children so that the couple can set an example to them about the importance of marriage. But you can have a child without bothering to get married at all.

Bye now!

Well that says it all, doesn't it? And so eloquently!!

yes I disagree. Even though now it wouldn;t be my choice to have a child free wedding. I find it odd that anyone think everyone "ought" to invite childrne to a wedding and thinks they are wierd if they don't.

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and if I ever get marreid it defintely won;t be anything to do with having childrne - sadly thats not possible. Does that mean I'm "allowed" a child free marriage if I prefer?

Personally I would love to see things return to how they were 40 or 50 years ago when it was all so much less commercial, Dp and I would probably go for it then, as we do very much believe in the institution [ducks to avoid grenade thrown by Muffin-eek!]

A freind of mine got married last month, she remortgaged her house to the tune of £40,000 to buy the 'perfect' wedding. She will be struggling with that debt for years and the day could never live up to that expectation. I just haven't got what it takes to organise such an event.

advicepleasemums- blinking heck! You have been pontificating all day about the rights and wrongs of marriage and how to set an example to children etc - and you aren't married but have kids? That's up to you- but just a shade hypocritical wouldn't you say?

What can you possibly know about marriage and weddings if you have never even been there yourself- except as a guest.

There 's a little saying "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" Think on it.

that is just madness! 40K on one day

APM - "Someone was actually pissed off that a baby cried during the ceremony....have you any idea how awful that sounds"

So would a mobile phone going off or a conversation starting up during the ceremony be ok too?

How dare the selfish bride think it's her day when clearly the guests' children should have been uppermost in her mind!

40k - she is clearly mad

so you're not allowed an opinion as a mere guest of a wedding but have to do exactly as the couple say?

Kewcumber i really am not saying 2 people can only get married to have/invite kids"
HONESTLY!!!!! Of course its all about loving someone enough to commit to them and enter the legal contract etc.

I just find excliding kids when lots of the pople you are inviting have them is a bit off. like i have said, i wouldn't shoot anyone down in flames if they went down this road but it is far from my own values and surely thats what these threads are about, sharing our different values/opinions?

I'm not saying mine are definitive.

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Having read your latest post apm, I can see why you simply don't have a clue as to what I was trying to say about my wedding- I think it cost my parents £300, for a sit down meal in a 4* hotel for 30 adults, 25 years back. The reason we didn't invite children was mainly because of the cost.

It is a feeble excuse to avoid getting married because of the cost- you don't have to spend anything except for the marriage licence.

£40K on a wedding is madness unless £40k is small change for you

Wedding threads are the weidest on MN (aside from the ones about anal sex that is). I don't understand the fury some people feel at being asked out for the day without children. Do all parties have to be family affairs? Or just weddings? As for those people who complain about the expense of new outfits. Can't they wear something they already own?

THANK GOD I live in a country where I am actually allowed to make my own mind up about what sort of wedding I want..

"I just find excliding kids when lots of the pople you are inviting have them is a bit off" but APM isn;t it more of a problme iff lots of people you are inviting have chidlren? Surely the costs would become unmanageable. My limited experience if that children of close family (eg brothers or sisters) are invited but no-one elses for cost/numbers reasons. Occasionally I hear of a wedding where poeple are not inviting children becuase of the possible disruption but rarely.

wasn't there a thread here recently in AIBU when a bride was objecting to a choice of colour dress of one of her guests? PMSL

and 40K

Pixie I do not personally believe that you have to be married to believe in the values of marriage, fidelity, commitment, family etc. Even if you do get married, you have between a 4 or 5 in ten chance you will not end up married so it is not guarantee, is it?

But for people who do strongly want to get married, especially if its a traditional church wedding, then surely they should embrace it wholeheartedly.

I am not religious myself, but I had a very religious upbringing , and nothing went on in the church withour kids being present, organised religion is 6all about kids^. NOT my personal beliefs but surely if you are 'buying into' that you should do so fully not cherry pick the bits which give you the 'best' day.

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