No Children at weddings AGAIN!!!!

[cathers]

Can't believe it. Opened the post this morning to find wedding invite number 3 for this summer. Yet again 'UNFORTUNATELY NO CHILDREN ALLOWED!' stipulated.

That now means that for three weekends in may and June we will have to choose between the wedding of 3 close family / friends or finding a babysitter for 12 hours at a time!All weddings are over 150 miles away.

Is this the current vogue to have adult only weddings? Personally find that some weddings without kids can be stuffy and v formal. Much prefer old fashioned celebratory sort! Any one else finding this?
What are you doing?

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myermay for a minute there I thought your wedding in your garden was for 730 was thinking we had royalty.

having said what I feel it is entirely up to you if you want to go alone with dh, a legitimate choice of course.

its a minefield isnt it

just want everyone to be happy and chilled and not stress about child care

am secretly hoping most will wont a weekend away sans enfant so they can all get pissed-knowing my friends that will happen

Well, we didn't have children at our wedding either. It wasn't about not liking children - we simply didn't have the capacity (financial or space at the reception venue). Inviting the 30+ children that our friends had between them at the time would have meant not inviting 30 other people. It was a dilemma but in the end we took the view that - lovely as the children were - it was the adults who were and still are our friends. Only one couple quibbled, all the others said yippee at the prospect of a child-free day.

We got married more than a decade ago and it seems to me that child-free weddings are becoming rarer, not more common. Weddings now all seem much bigger and grander than ours was, with more guests and much more in the way of entertainment.

It also seems to me that couples should do as they wish in arranging their wedding and guests can then decide whether to accept the invitation. But it's ungracious to label couples who don't invite children as 'tight' - they may be working on a limited budget. Not everyone has the means to pay for a Hello-style wedding.

And guests who take offence at their children not being invited seem to assume that Cousin Lucy (or whoever) should not be invited, to make room for their children, but isn't it equally likely that they might not be invited, to make room for Cousin Lucy's children? Wouldn't they then be taking offence at not having been invited at all?

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My sister didn't want children at her wedding...cue my cousin getting very huffy that she wouldn't be able to go blah blah blah.

Sister then relented and ended up saying vows with the sound of scratching in the background because cousin's son is a little sod and can't sit still for 5 mins so they brought a colouring book to keep him amused -cue noisy pencil sounds. They also had to pack sandwiches to give him before the photos as he hates waiting for food so he was munching while they were trying to organise the photos...

Then...at the meal/dance afterwards, there were disposable cameras on every table for the guests to take pictures...he went around taking random pictures of anything and himself gurning at the lenses, so a lot of the photos had to be binned....

Magic Muffin

PMSL at suggestion that I am a "Big misery guts" because I dare to express the opinion that weddings should be family occasions.

And I do understand that finances have an impact on what type of wedding you can have, but to say people with small kids can't bring them because you cant afford them as you want to cram in as many adults as possible is in bad taste in my opinion.

I am left thinking that the reason most people have big weddings isn't to put on a darned good welcoming celebration but to have as many 'witnesses' to the pomp and ceremony luxury as possible, I suppose kids don't fit that requirement very well do they as they tend to not give a stuff/ see right through all of that crap.

Who are you to dictate what weddings "should" be, apm?

Your posts seem to imply that anybody who wants to get married in a way that doesn't fit your stereotype is wrong.

Unbelievably narrow-minded and sad.

Ha ha yes, 730 people in my back garden! I don't think so. It'd be more like 50 people - and hopefully not too many kids!

'Sister then relented and ended up saying vows with the sound of scratching in the background because cousin's son is a little sod and can't sit still for 5 mins so they brought a colouring book to keep him amused -cue noisy pencil sounds. They also had to pack sandwiches to give him before the photos as he hates waiting for food so he was munching while they were trying to organise the photos...'

pmsl
surely a crayon would have made much noise!!
there is nothing wrong with trying to entertain a child during the service ffs!!
and it is understandable to give the poor child a snack during the dull and laways lengthy photos - if she didn't want him there surely she wouldn't have minded him not being in the photos!!

sorry a pencil wouldn't have made any noise -I bet the bride and groom couldn't hear it at all

Magic muffin, I am expressing an OPINION!!!

I am not going door to door asking people to sign a petition to ban all child free weddings lol!! Nor will I be printing tee shirts on the subject or even mentioning my opinion to my friends who are sending out the bloody invites.

I am entitiled to express my opinion which incidentally seems to be shared by a good many people who are also expressing their opinion on this thread.

My opinions do not make me sad or a misery or any other unpleasnt things which I am sure you would like to accuse me of, if you cannot share opinions without resorting to name calling please s*d off.

Woah - calm down. I'm only expressing my opinion on your opinion

I'm sorry for calling you a big misery guts though - that was tongue in cheek btw but obviously not interpreted as such by you.

Posie -yes my sister did hear it and she wasn't impressed! Crayon/pencil - whatever it was.

The thing is, cousins DS wasn't 2/3 at which age you could proably understand the crayons etc....no, he was nearly 8! At the age of 8 I went to weddings and I bloody well shut up and behaved, even though I was bored. Too much pandering to kids these days imo!

I haven't read the whole thread, but if it's that much of an inconvenience to you (arranging babysitters etc) then I would just say "sorry we can't leave pedro with a stranger". People who dont have children just don't have a clue most of the time. They think you can leave a child who's never even been to playschool with a total stranger!! My children would NOT have tolerated that. They would have cried for 10 hours and I would be afraid I'd come back to a sitter on the point of hurting one my children.

Ps. I have in the past feigned delight at a day out without the children (because what else can you say without appearing a misery guts In reality I'm thinking fcuk fcuk, who will mind them?! My parents busy/attending wedding, can't afford a babysiter for 2 whole days, If I bring kids WITH me they'll have to have a babysitter they've never laid eyes on before AS WELL as being on unfamiliar turf.. But I've lied through my teeth and said oooooh yes a day away from the children, fab!!!

A day away from the children is only relaxing and enjoyable if you aren't worried sick that they're screaming their heads off.

I always think to myself, they'll SO get why this is a dilemma in a few yrs time (all being well).

Where's the dilemma though? You just don't go. Your life changes when yu have kids, this is just part of it.

Sister's wedding experience aside, we've just had an invite to a BBQ from DH's workmate and it just said mine and DH's name on it....while I appreciate that its their choice not to invite children to a bbq, I did feel when I just saw mine and DH's name as its like DS doesn't exist! So, neither of us are going

My cousin married recently and allowed babies at her ceremony. Unforunately just as it came to exchanging the vows someone's infant started wailing loudly, and by the time the parents took it out of earshot the vows were over - I never heard a word! my cousin never said anything but the look on her face as she glanced round said it all.

Personally i'd have throttled him...

Blimmy didn't realise that opinions were so strong on this subject. I hadn't really thought that childfree weddings were a problem until invite no.2 turned up yesterday. Have already agreed to go to one so used up lots of favours in childcare and don't feel I can use any more.

Farming out 3 young dc for 24 hours is really hard and I don't like doing it - spend whole time worrying if they are happy and how the sitters are coping (use family who aren't local and therefore don't know dc particularly well, they also have a busy life and are hard to tie down to agreeing).

Invite no.2 is the week before christmas (a nice quiet time in family life ) and dh is bestman. Have said that he can go on his own rather than me stress out, he is now in a sulk. I spose I can see his point. Friends wife to be hates kids so can see her point too. So those people that like child free weddings what do you do with your dc? Give me so hints please.

Honestly I just cannot believe some of the comments people are coming up with..

Someone was actually pissed off that a baby cried during the ceremony....have you any idea how awful that sounds

Mildy amused at the comic timing perhaps...

Still at it APM? If you like the sound of babies screaming so must everybody else...

Yawn.

We have been invited to the wedding of a very close friend of mine which is child free. My DD will be 9 months at the time and we have no family in the UK, and any friends who could babysit are also invited. So basically we can't go.
What upset me was that he sent out invitations to all with the no kids wording when he knows our situation.
I completely understand that he and his fiancee can choose the sort of wedding they want but, given he is a close friend, I thought he might have rung me about it rather than letting me find out on the invitation. Not to justify their decision, but just to acknowledge that it will mean we probably can't come. We are hoping to go to the church only and will definitely take her out if she starts making a noise.

(BTW, turns out the venue will charge for a meal for DD - which I think is ridiculous for a 9 month old baby - so they've had to exclude children for cost reasons.)

I think what mainly comes across is that there has to be understading and tolerance on BOTH sides.

The bride needs to understand that arranging a child free wedding if her sister/best friend has a small child is in effect excluding that adult.

Guests need to understand that their friend may not want children at their wedding so need to respect that but equally the bride must not get offended if the invitation is declined.

However what EVERYONE must understand is that a wedding ceremony is a public event. Any member of the general public has the right to attend the service so anyone who objects to crying babies/slightly restless children has to realise there is nothing stopping the little old lady down the road popping in with her 7 grandchildren. In fact at many church wedding members of the congregation often do attend as a matter of course.

For my own wedding I put an announcement in the local paper giving the ceremony details so anyone I was unavble to invite to the reception could come to the service if they wanted to.