Girl at work has me confused

[Cherrybake11]

44m working with a 41f. She is due to be married in a few months. We have worked together for 5yrs. I have always been fond of her and we get on really well. I know she has a bf so have always just been friendly with her. A few months ago we were talking about me 'needing a gf' a favourite topic of hers, as I have been single around 3yrs. I was in a bad place back then and she commented about how different I am now, she said that she would date me if she was single. This comment made me begin to think that maybe this girl likes me. Since then we have grown closer. We have both started to attend church separately and she gave me her number randomly so we could discuss it. Her texting pattern is weird. We text most days when at work but very rarely after work or weekends. Weekends is normally early and is very short and to the point. I'd say 90% of initiation comes from her. Our texts are very friendly, we laugh a lot but also discuss much deeper stuff. She is an enfj and I an infj. Every now and again she throws me a curveball such as:

We are so alike
I have connected to you
If I were single we would go on holiday
We are soulmates, but just friends
We understand one another

I directly asked her if she thinks we text too much, she got very defensive and said her bf trusts her 100%, she loves him unconditionally and it's not like we are coming on to each other? People would kill for what we have etc

The past few weeks she seems nervous when first seeing me at work, then once we start talking we can't shut up.

Some days she will not text at all but someday it's constant.

I am really confused about this situation. My honest opinion is that this girl likes me likes me bit seems very confused about her feelings towards me. I am not going to do something stupid like profess my love, my plan is to not tell her that I like her, and to not interfere or try to influence her decision making. I am going to wait and see if she goes ahead with her wedding.

I would very much like to hear others tell me their assessment of this situation.

TLDR girl I like is sending mixed signals.

She is an enfj and I an infj

What does this mean?

It doesn't matter if she likes you or not, she is marrying someone else so for the sake of your own sanity you need to set some boundaries with her and look elsewhere for dating prospects.

I thought this as well..

She's engaged to someone else so don't entertain this anymore, that's not a mixed signal.

The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a self-report questionnaire that makes pseudoscientific claims to categorize individuals into 16 distinct "psychological types" or "personality types".
The MBTI was constructed during World War II by Americans Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers, inspired by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung's 1921 book Psychological Types. The test assigns a binary value to each of four categories: introversion or extraversion, sensing or intuition, thinking or feeling, and judging or perceiving. One letter from each category is taken to produce a four-letter test result representing one of 16 possible types, such as "INFP" or "ESTJ".

OP - I think you should keep away from this woman, she is engaged to someone else.

I assume the enfj infj thing is a myers brigg personality test result

Woman, not girl.

Ffs, she's 41. Please don't infantilise her.

She is playing with you which is unkind
Try to cut down on tre out of work contact.

41 years old is not a girl, for goodness sake.

I think honestly, this is only going to waste your time preventing you from meeting someone who is available to you if you continue to invest so much thought and time in to it texting her and analysing. End of the day, she's said she's engaged and loves him. Sounds like she possibly does like you, but not enough to leave him. Id knock it on the head ASAP.

That's too much texting and too personal for someone who is engaged with a wedding booked. It's inappropriate for her to be calling you a soulmate, or telling you that if she were single she would date you. That is a 'come on' in any language.
Stop the texting. Keep away from her at work. She is loving the attention and is not being fair to you - deep down she knows you are interested and she's trying to keep it that way - who knows why. Could be a self-esteem thing. You can bet that her boyfriend doesn't know that she's calling you her soulmate, I doubt she's being entirely honest here.
So, you are reading her signals correctly, but it's not going to do you any good. She is toying with you. Even if the wedding doesn't go ahead, she's someone best avoided.

Even if she does like you this really isn't a good situation for you, she's made it clear she loves her fiancé and I seriously doubt she's going to stop the wedding. A girl I used to work with had an actual affair at work all through her engagement and beyond the wedding until she moved work place. One of the school mums was telling me (openly!!) about a guy at her work who she feels she is soulmates with but they're both married so nothing will come of it but they've both told each other how they feel etc. Some people don't stick to one person and aren't very loyal! Not a good sign of who they are, in my opinion.

She's playing with you. It feels flattering to her to have a fiance and another bloke on a piece of string.

Is she an adult? It’s confusing because you keep calling her a girl.

I would say her communications with your are entirely inappropriate for someone who is meant to be in a loving relationship and getting married. She needs to make her mind up.

Op, I think she's right, you need to find yourself a girlfriend. She is in a relationship, and from what I can tell is outgoing and jokey with you, like she would be with any friend. Or she may be enjoying the attention from you, knowing she will never leave her partner.

I honestly think you're reading too much into this, and ruminating on harmless colloquial interactions/comments. Harness this energy, and focus on dating somebody!

The personality type matching (other then you being and introvert to her extrovert) is really meaningless.

It does sound like she is acting inappropriately for someone who is engaged. You maybe right that she has feelings but it's all a moot point if she's engaged. If she's having doubts about her relationship then she needs to sort that out herself. If she's waiting for a sign from you before leaving then that's a really unhealthy of operating and I don't think you should involve yourself romantically with her should the opportunity arises. If she becomes single of her own volition then maybe there's a future but dating colleagues is often messy.

If I were you I would tone down the messaging, stick to work stuff during work then minimise all out of work contact at all. All her comments are going too far. Would you be happy for your partner to be telling another man he is their 'soul mate'?

If wonder if this is a kind of one-sided emotional affair.

Had you not mentioned your ages l'd have thought this was from a teenager. She is bad news OP, she's enjoying the attention and playing with your feelings.
l doubt her bf would be too happy with this level of contact. Picture yourself in his shoes and think how you would feel.

As others have said, please don't refer to a grown woman as a girl. Do you call the men you work with boys?

Also to reiterate other posters. It doesn't matter one bit whether she likes you or not, she has a partner.

The options are either you resign your self to an affair and risk potentially fucking up three people's lives in the process.

You tell her you like her and ask if she likes you and does she have any plans to leave her partner for you.

You have some self respect and walk away from a toxic situation whereby it seems this woman has you by the proverbial balls.

She is enjoying the attention and playing with you. Run away as fast as you can.

Agree with PP, she enjoys having a single man giving her attention when her actual fiance isn’t around. You know fine well what’s going on, and that you shouldn’t encourage it. It doesn’t matter if she thinks she’d do XYZ with you if she were single. She isn’t single. You put a stop to it. Instead, you are entertaining her clear interest and blurring the lines with a colleague.

🤔just concentrate on your work and find someone who is not attached.

She's being unfair to you and playing with you. She's getting married but enjoying flirting with you. She absolutely doesn't want you to get a girlfriend because she's enjoying the attention. You need to meet someone single and into you.

Hi.
It's MBTI personality types