Girl at work has me confused

[Cherrybake11]

44m working with a 41f. She is due to be married in a few months. We have worked together for 5yrs. I have always been fond of her and we get on really well. I know she has a bf so have always just been friendly with her. A few months ago we were talking about me 'needing a gf' a favourite topic of hers, as I have been single around 3yrs. I was in a bad place back then and she commented about how different I am now, she said that she would date me if she was single. This comment made me begin to think that maybe this girl likes me. Since then we have grown closer. We have both started to attend church separately and she gave me her number randomly so we could discuss it. Her texting pattern is weird. We text most days when at work but very rarely after work or weekends. Weekends is normally early and is very short and to the point. I'd say 90% of initiation comes from her. Our texts are very friendly, we laugh a lot but also discuss much deeper stuff. She is an enfj and I an infj. Every now and again she throws me a curveball such as:

We are so alike
I have connected to you
If I were single we would go on holiday
We are soulmates, but just friends
We understand one another

I directly asked her if she thinks we text too much, she got very defensive and said her bf trusts her 100%, she loves him unconditionally and it's not like we are coming on to each other? People would kill for what we have etc

The past few weeks she seems nervous when first seeing me at work, then once we start talking we can't shut up.

Some days she will not text at all but someday it's constant.

I am really confused about this situation. My honest opinion is that this girl likes me likes me bit seems very confused about her feelings towards me. I am not going to do something stupid like profess my love, my plan is to not tell her that I like her, and to not interfere or try to influence her decision making. I am going to wait and see if she goes ahead with her wedding.

I would very much like to hear others tell me their assessment of this situation.

TLDR girl I like is sending mixed signals.

Yep

Funny you mention this as a couple who were not single at work did have an affair. The woman in question asked my opinion and I told her I don't think it's right when they have partners at her, her response shocked me. She said these things happen and everyone deserves happiness.

Which is arguably racist pseudoscience.

It is definitely not a fake post, why are you assuming that?

Racist?

Because she herself wishes to have an affair and find her own happiness, regardless of who (her fiance) might get hurt.

Move on, find a single woman.

Well I'm not really looking to date if I'm honest, I'm fine on my own for the time being. Boundaries, I hear you, thanks.

I hear you, I am going to begin distancing myself from her.

So you’re invested in something you don’t know anything about the origins of?

The two (yes, incredibly racist) women who made this “personality test” were in no way qualified in psychology at all. You can do your own research if you care to, but it seems quite silly to put such weight on how compatible you are based on quite simply: nothing.

A bigger compatibility test would be if you are morally aligned, which you have indicated you are not. She felt there was nothing wrong with workplace affairs and this shocked you, as you did not agree. Clearly you value loyalty while she will disregard this in selfish pursuit of her own pleasure.

But you have some same letters, I guess? Not like anyone ever lies on those tests to get more favourable results. 🙂

I hear you loud and clear. The soulmate thing really shook me if I'm honest. Everytime she says something like this it's always followed by 'because we're great friends' so it's as though she in my opinion is trying to get me to bite and tell her my feelings but I refuse, because she has a bf. Your words have helped, thank you.

Bet you a cup of coffee/ tea that when you get into a relationship with someone else, she'll be soo pissed off

The writing, the ‘male viewpoint’, the style - everything seems fanciful and feels slightly off. MN seems to be full of bots and wanna-be novelists practising their technique at the moment.

She likes the attention and wants you to find her attractive. She is stringing you along for an ego boost. You need to find someone single.

Oh no, I don't think she will either. And no, it's not a good sign.

She keeps trying to get me with another woman at work when I've specifically told her over and over I'm not interested. She has said several times that she would go mad if another woman hurt me, it's all very weird because she has also said she would be upset if I got a gf, my heads like wtf is going on here.

Still lost 🙄

She knows you aren't interested in the other woman, so she's playing you along by trying to get you and the other lady together. She wants YOUR interest on HER - but she's getting married. She's enjoying playing you. Find someone to date that you choose, I bet her attitude would change if you told her you had a date with a lady you really like but she doesn't know!

I do speak a bit fanciful I guess, maybe my communication style is a bit odd to some but I have posted here in good faith, I assure you.

Odd you mention this as I told her I had been talking to a lady at church and her jaw nearly hit the floor, I could tell she was not happy.

Cut her loose, you’re not getting anything from this, she is enjoying the validation/attention. She’s getting married and if you start to feel attraction from her mixed signals she’ll retreat back into her relationship faster than you can blink.

She’s playing you for her own ego, there’s nothing here for you. Stop replying to her texts.

Yes we know she is a woman but there is no way anyone can take it in an offensive way to be called a girl surely.
Im 38 and i say im a girl i know im a woman but also a girl.
I dont find it in anyway offensive.

It all sounds really juvenile 🤷‍♀️

I mean it's possible right. As far as saying I need to find someone single, I take it on board as a lot of other replies said the same. But, I was in a very abusive relationship/marriage for 20yrs, it culminated in me getting a restraining order. I spent 2yrs in counselling. That was 7yrs ago and I've been single 3yrs. I really enjoy being single and I think it's underrated, I am not the kind of man to put it about, never have been. I'm not lonely or in need of somebody, when the time comes I will meet somebody.

Why don’t you ask the lady at church out for coffee and see how it goes? Don’t tell the one getting married as she’ll mess with your head.

She’s a woman, by the way, not a girl.