Went on a nice date today that ended a bit awkwardly and now I'm really sad!

[anonymous98]

Full disclosure, I have not great mental health, including diagnosed severe anxiety and depression. I also get horribly emotional before my period, which is due in a few days.

Anyway.

I matched with someone online, chatted on the phone, agreed to meet up. I've only had a few online dates, which were generally mutually excruciating and we had absolutely nothing to say to each other, so I was quite pleasantly surprised when he a.) showed up on time b.) was actually gorgeous and c.) was really nice. We had a great chat, seemed to get on really well, and agreed to go from a cafe to a local park and then a museum. Unfortunately, my feet were killing me and I had to sit down and rest and I think he interpreted that as me having had enough, so walked me to my bus stop, waited with me and then said "I'll see you sometime", which I interpreted as I am probably never going to see you again. And got on the bus feeling really deflated. And I haven't heard from him since then. And I'm so sad. I have no idea why I'm so sad. I just feel like I can't cope. I don't want to be desperate and message. I feel so stupid and upset and confused.

She said in her OP she has severe anxiety and depression.
I was genuinely trying to be supportive.
There was nothing to “see through like a window”. Wtf is your problem?

There was nothing nasty or undermining about it either. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have gotten great support on the mh board so I recommended it.
I also stuck up for OP when someone else made a negative comment btw.

Onwards and up wards. The best way to get over someone and all that....

How long should I take to get over this? I know it sounds silly but I am very sad today.

Hi there OP, Hope you’re feeling okay today. I saw your post yesterday but wasn’t able to post but I really hope you can see this.

I just wanted to say that I used to have really severe PMS before. I was dating this guy and every month I would break up with him because of mood swings (depression/anxiety).

During that time I also had mild general depression so I found it really hard to judge the overall situation. I decided to not make ANY big decisions during this time of the monthly cycle and to just eat chocolate, watch feel-good movies and literally ride it out and avoid thinking. I would treat the negative thought/judgements/feelings (about myself/job/relationship/situation) that would pop up in my head very “lightly”, not really believing them. You can think about such things next week when your judgement is clearer and not in “domesday mode”.

The other thing I wanted to say is it seems the date must have been going very well because you went from a non-committal coffee to doing more activities that day. (My friend got to know her fiancé this way!) I also think you communicated your interest because you accepted the date to continue beyond the first “part”. So I don’t think you’ve messed up. Also, if the ending was abrupt or you feel you may have left him uncertain, you can still repair this by reaching out and saying you had a good time and suggest meeting up again.

Wish you the very best.

I still have my moments but I’m now married and have children and in a much more stable place emotionally than before. I believe the same is possible for you. Just go slowly step by step.

EDIT: Sorry OP. Just saw the updates. I think you did a good thing to check with the guy and now you know. It’s okay to feel disappointed. For me this kind of thing can linger but it’s wisest to put an “end date” to thinking about it. Don’t let it eat you up and determine how you feel about yourself and your dating prospects - there will be other chances for you.

Three days.

You just aren’t compatible, so start looking for someone who you do fit with. I met a guy for a walk and coffee and he was so unfit that he had to bail on the coffee but wanted to meet again. Perfectly nice guy, but my weekends are spent outdoors walking so I knew we wouldn’t be compatible.

You haven’t failed on this date-he has just seen that you aren’t the right fish for him, see it as a good thing you haven’t wasted weeks or months on someone

Really? I hope so. I can't stop crying and I feel distraught.

Don’t bite. She (he) deliberately posts rude contrary comments to get a reaction. If 99% say black they’ll say white.

Ignore them they eventually get bored.

Sorry if you've already mentioned it but are you on any meds? I went on amytriptiline after dh died and found it a godsend. You can just take it to pick you up a bit and get you through stress. I've found it easy to come off. I think life's too short to not use the help available

@anonymous98 everything is going to be fine! You probably feel like shit right now. But I promise things will get better. Start with something small – whatever small thing makes you feel better, whether that’s a glass of wine, a bath, your favourite chocolate bar, your favourite film, going for a run etc – just do something right now to make yourself feel a little bit better. And then something else. And then something else. Slowly but surely, you will recover. You may not believe it yourself – but believe other people when we tell you that you will be okay.

Sending a hug. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. You should be proud you put yourself out there. This comes with the territory. You will feel better bit by bit. Do something nice for yourself.

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband 🩷. I am on clomipramine for OCD. It's good, has helped me to go outside again (I was agoraphobic for two years).

Then you are very hard on yourself. I suppose that’s ok. It’s a choice. The problem is when you are hard on everyone else. You sound as though you have very low self esteem and as though you are not in a very good place. So I will say this: you deserve better.

Hi OP,

No it doesn't sound silly at all. I've recently been on 4 dates with a man, turns out he had plans to go on a date with an ex even though he told me we'd concentrate on each other, not go on other dates etc. He gaslighted me and twisted it so I was to blame. It took me a week to feel better.

As for the poster who's saying things to make you feel worse, they purposely post stuff like that to get a kick out of it. Guarantee they wouldn't even have the guts to say it in person to you. They've got nothing else better to do.

@anonymous98 the rejection only happened yesterday. You are allowed to feel sad about.

I think that you were brave to seek clarification.

I am sorry that you are finding life hard and hope that you can try to be kinder to yourself

I might be way off base here but is part of your sadness to do with feeling rejected, as well as the fact you liked him? When I was dating, it was so rare for me to actually like a guy/for him to not be weird but then the one I liked didn't want to pursue and I was surprised how upset I was. I realised it tied into my feelings of not being "good enough" which then fed into the idea of "god, only the crap men like you, the ones who are an actual catch, don't want you, why would you think you could do better? If only you hadnt done/said xyz maybe hed want to see you again!"

Once I got a handle on those feelings and recognised them for what they really were, it made it easier, and also made it easier to work on. Sorry if I've overstepped and its not that though!

No, you're right. It's so rare for me to like someone online dating that I feel awful that he doesn't like me back.

Well everyone, I got apocalyptically drunk last night and tried to message everyone I've ever known except him. I have very little of dignity intact but at least I did not make a fool of myself in front of him.

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That's impressive tbh Your drunk self had your back!

For me, something that I could normally brush off within a short period of time can, at other times, floor me if I am not in a good place. Feel how you need to feel

I was talking to someone online that I liked but he lost interest. Normally I would block and move on but I found it hard as I am struggling at the moment a bit and he brightened my day. I don't miss 'him' per se, I miss the fact someone actually (maybe pretended) to care how I was each day. It felt nice and I miss it.

I don't know how people can bear dating like this, honestly. I feel like I've been completely hollowed out.

Went into a bit of denial today and convinced myself we could somehow be friends (pathetic, I know). I messaged to say I would be happy to meet platonically, but understood if he did not want to. I feel really embarrassed now and he hasn't replied and he almost definitely won't. I just felt so happy on our date. I wish I didn't care so much.

I've never felt uglier or more repulsive before in my life. I was rejected once, at school, by a boy and I remember feeling very, very upset then as well, but he turned out to be gay so it wasn't personal, I guess. He was also my friend, so I still got to see him everyday.

I don't know why I feel so sad about this guy.

I've been single since 2019 and all my friends are settled down and happy. It feels like a slap in the face.

Your time will come, you need to learn to love yourself first I think xx