Went on a nice date today that ended a bit awkwardly and now I'm really sad!

[anonymous98]

Full disclosure, I have not great mental health, including diagnosed severe anxiety and depression. I also get horribly emotional before my period, which is due in a few days.

Anyway.

I matched with someone online, chatted on the phone, agreed to meet up. I've only had a few online dates, which were generally mutually excruciating and we had absolutely nothing to say to each other, so I was quite pleasantly surprised when he a.) showed up on time b.) was actually gorgeous and c.) was really nice. We had a great chat, seemed to get on really well, and agreed to go from a cafe to a local park and then a museum. Unfortunately, my feet were killing me and I had to sit down and rest and I think he interpreted that as me having had enough, so walked me to my bus stop, waited with me and then said "I'll see you sometime", which I interpreted as I am probably never going to see you again. And got on the bus feeling really deflated. And I haven't heard from him since then. And I'm so sad. I have no idea why I'm so sad. I just feel like I can't cope. I don't want to be desperate and message. I feel so stupid and upset and confused.

Message him, explain and suggest a second date

Can't you send a message saying something simple like "Thanks for the lovely time. Would you like to do it again?" If he says no or doesn't reply then at least you know. If he says yes then great.

I'm probably over simplifying when you feel a bit all over the place emotionally but I think you need to take a risk if you can but not overthink it if it doesn't work out

Okay, I've just messaged.

Wait - you simply sat down to rest, and the next minute he is actively walking to you to your bus stop (how did he even know which one it was?) This makes no sense - did you not just say "sorry, my feet are killing me, can we sit down a minute?"

Why are all these wierd scenarios popping up on MN this weekend? Situations that would just never arise unless there was some kind of language barrier and misunderstanding....

Yes, send him something light hearted like, I bet you thought I was an old granny having a rest but my feet were killing me. Fancy trying xxxx and I promise to wear sensible shoes this time.

If you suspect he's left it there, then you have nothing to lose.
Just send a message saying Hello, I was sorry my feet gave out last week because I was having a good time; would you like to meet up again? Worst that happens is he says no thanks or doesn't respond, and at least you'll have tried.

I did explain my shoes.

Oh for goodness sake: message and say thank you, I had a lovely time. Nothing to lose in being polite.

He’s probably thinking he had a lovely time but you didn’t because you claimed sore feet and wanted to go home.

Oh great. Our posts crossed!

You should have worn more comfortable shoes really. 👟

It’s odd that he would interpret it that way. Especially if you actually said my shoes/feet are killing me. It could be him who wanted to end the date sooner for whatever reason? All you can do is explain and suggest another date. His response (or lack of) will tell you all you need to know.

Are you my mother?

Were your feet hurting due to physical problem/lack of fitness, or due to poor shoes chosen to look nice on the date?

If poor shoes, I’d explain and ask for a second date.

If the first reason, keep looking for someone new, as he may prefer dating someone with the stamina/ability to walk for longer periods of leisure time. Which is a perfectly acceptable preference in a brand new potential partner.

The key is, do not overthink and do not over-invest. This was a brief stroll with a stranger who wasn’t horrible.

I’d not be too optimistic about him as a person or his interest given the way it ended. Personally I’d leave it. But if you need to be crystal clear, you could take control by messaging for clarity… maybe mention something you saw at the museum and see what the response is.

I have been in your headspace and hormonal state many times, so distract yourself with a funny show or read a book. Try not to fixate, not worth it!

Oh why are people being so mean!? She said she is feeling down. Honestly…

Okay, everyone has been really helpful but I think I'd like the thread taken down.

Good luck - before you go op!!

@Calliopespa im not being mean! I’m offering a helpful suggestion/solution!

I don’t think so ?

Good luck OP

OP, I don’t think the thread is contentious enough to be taken down by HQ. But if so, please may I suggest you get into a better space before dating? Otherwise it can seem brutal. Good luck

To be honest, I'm scared the Daily Mail will pick it up. That's probably a stupid thing to worry about.

You're right. I have tried really hard to improve my mental health but it seems fairly persistently bad. I guess I am probably too sensitive.

Maybe wear shoes you can walk in next time?

I don’t find dating fun at all.

But your date seemed to go really well.

I would have definitely messaged to say you had a good time and would be interested in meeting up again.

If he’s not, then it’s likely nothing personal.