Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Went on a nice date today that ended a bit awkwardly and now I'm really sad!

159 replies

anonymous98 · 06/04/2025 22:16

Full disclosure, I have not great mental health, including diagnosed severe anxiety and depression. I also get horribly emotional before my period, which is due in a few days.

Anyway.

I matched with someone online, chatted on the phone, agreed to meet up. I've only had a few online dates, which were generally mutually excruciating and we had absolutely nothing to say to each other, so I was quite pleasantly surprised when he a.) showed up on time b.) was actually gorgeous and c.) was really nice. We had a great chat, seemed to get on really well, and agreed to go from a cafe to a local park and then a museum. Unfortunately, my feet were killing me and I had to sit down and rest and I think he interpreted that as me having had enough, so walked me to my bus stop, waited with me and then said "I'll see you sometime", which I interpreted as I am probably never going to see you again. And got on the bus feeling really deflated. And I haven't heard from him since then. And I'm so sad. I have no idea why I'm so sad. I just feel like I can't cope. I don't want to be desperate and message. I feel so stupid and upset and confused.

OP posts:
pinkstripeycat · 06/04/2025 23:30

anonymous98 · 06/04/2025 22:31

To be honest, I'm scared the Daily Mail will pick it up. That's probably a stupid thing to worry about.

Why? It’s hardly newsworthy

Livingthebestlife · 06/04/2025 23:35

Wait and see if he replies. It was only today. Hopefully he does. Sometimes first dates end awkwardly and the next one is brilliant .

Calliopespa · 06/04/2025 23:38

We’ll wait it out too oP!

Meanwhile you could also post a MH thread too. Lots of people will be in a position to support.

ChessorBuckaroo · 06/04/2025 23:41

anonymous98 · 06/04/2025 23:25

I've had a lot of help. I am on medication. To be honest, I just find life very hard.

Show quote history

How long have you been on medication OP? The right dose should be making things easier for you.

I have anxiety issues too, but I'm not taking anything at the minute. Weighing up whether I should or not.

Know its easier said than done, but try not to overthink things as a previous poster suggested. Distraction is so important, as we all need to avoid dwelling too much on something as dwelling on something can lead to catastrophizing where you blow things out of proportion and think the worst. Have you tried CBT to try and work on your thinking patterns?

ChessorBuckaroo · 06/04/2025 23:43

pinkstripeycat · 06/04/2025 23:30

Why? It’s hardly newsworthy

Show quote history

Yeah that would be OP catastrophizing.

I've done it too.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/04/2025 23:48

Did you use your words and explain that your feet were hurting and why ?

did you suggest you just needed a quick rest then you could continue with wherever you were i.e. still in the museum ?
or did you say you were so tired out that you would now need to go home and couldn't continue with the date ?

maybe in hindsight a cafe then a park then a museum is too much for you on a first date.

why did it end up him suddenly walking you to your bus stop ?

However ' And I'm so sad. I have no idea why I'm so sad. I just feel like I can't cope. I don't want to be desperate and message. I feel so stupid and upset and confused.'

4 mins after you had posted that, having had two replies on your thread, you messaged him.

The Daily Mail won't pick up on this, it's not interesting / dramatic enough.

You say you have had help with your illness, and are on medication - I think you ought to go back to your GP and see if the level of medication is sufficient / started working yet.

Silverbook55 · 06/04/2025 23:50

anonymous98 · 06/04/2025 22:31

To be honest, I'm scared the Daily Mail will pick it up. That's probably a stupid thing to worry about.

This is completely irrational thought!

I really hope he messages you back but if not I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it but definitely be kind and give yourself time before you get out there again. 💐

Tinyrabbit · 06/04/2025 23:53

BlondiePortz · 06/04/2025 22:33

Maybe wear shoes you can walk in next time?

What is wrong with you? FFS read the entire post including the OP anxiety issues.

Boggartdreams · 06/04/2025 23:57

Anxiety and depression can be so debilitating OP, well done for putting yourself out there - and especially so dating as it can be a brutal world out there!

He may or may not reply but either way very often dates don’t work out, even when you think they’ve gone well - honestly that’s the case for everyone, it doesn’t have to be something you’re done wrong or that you’re not good enough.

Please don’t be put off posting, or post on MH boards if you want a chat and any advice/general MH support. Be kind to yourself Flowers

Panda8383 · 07/04/2025 00:01

I hope he does reply to you.. if not then it’s his loss 😃

FishfingerFlinger · 07/04/2025 00:03

Well done for getting out there and dating - it can be hard enough even when you are not struggling with MH, so be proud of yourself for trying.

Don’t give up hope yet. Perhaps he.interpreted your shoe issues as a you making an excuse to try to wind the date up. Wait to see if he responds.

Moon30 · 07/04/2025 00:09

Sending hugs to you ❤️ if he doesn't respond then it's his loss and you've just not met the right person for you yet ❤️

RussetGold · 07/04/2025 00:16

I’ve been there OP. It’s gruelling doing online dating… you continually feel like you’re on some kind of trial and it’s v painful if you feel a date has gone well and the person doesn’t reciprocate.
It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough or you did anything wrong… sometimes it’s just not meant to be. (And of course, he may yet respond!)

Take it easy and be kind to yourself. And don’t give up on meeting the right person - who knows what’s round the corner… 🌺

AlwaysTheRenegade · 07/04/2025 00:23

Your mental health and pmt sounds awful. (I'm very similar, medicated, different therapies, doing all the right things basically)

But from what you've written, he seems awkward aswell. Not really taking the lead.

You said the phone conversations were excruciating, that's fine, probably normal if you're both shy? But, you're opening yourself up to meeting new people and that's so hard. Completely different to having a phone call at home!

The main thing that stuck out to me is that you were surprised he turned up! He's lucky you showed up. Keep this confidence to go on loads of dates until you meet someone! Cheering you on xx

Original poster
anonymous98 · 07/04/2025 00:29

AlwaysTheRenegade · 07/04/2025 00:23

Your mental health and pmt sounds awful. (I'm very similar, medicated, different therapies, doing all the right things basically)

But from what you've written, he seems awkward aswell. Not really taking the lead.

You said the phone conversations were excruciating, that's fine, probably normal if you're both shy? But, you're opening yourself up to meeting new people and that's so hard. Completely different to having a phone call at home!

The main thing that stuck out to me is that you were surprised he turned up! He's lucky you showed up. Keep this confidence to go on loads of dates until you meet someone! Cheering you on xx

Oh, sorry should've clarified. The phone conversations weren't excruciating! It was actually really nice to talk to him on the phone.

The previous two online dating dates I'd been on had been excruciating (nothing wrong with the guys- just very awkward).

OP posts:
CallMeFlo · 07/04/2025 00:30

anonymous98 · 06/04/2025 22:31

To be honest, I'm scared the Daily Mail will pick it up. That's probably a stupid thing to worry about.

With the best will in the world even the DM would struggle to make this into a story. I dont think you need to worry

Hwi · 07/04/2025 00:36

MyOtherProfile · 06/04/2025 23:11

He might respond. If he doesn't then you have dodged a bullet.

Dodged the bullet? How?

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/04/2025 00:48

With genuine kindness, if this is bothering you so much, I dont think you are ready for dating. It is harsh at times. Keep going with dealing with the MH issues and stay away from dating.

viques · 07/04/2025 00:52

You did well today OP.

You went on the date.

You sent the message.

Don’t beat yourself up.

If he doesn’t respond then hey, that’s his mistake, but you have made the effort and next time, things will be easier.

Eenameenadeeka · 07/04/2025 00:56

Oh gosh, don't be too hard on yourself, its stressful putting yourself out there but it sounds like it went well! I'm sure you will hear back from him soon.

ladeedarrrry · 07/04/2025 01:33

OP if it helps I always worry about the DM even though my posts are mundane in the extreme! I promise you there is no chance of that happening :)

I may have missed this but how long between the date ending and now?

Rainbowqueeen · 07/04/2025 01:39

Op, good on you.

Please give yourself some grace now. You have done all you can and you should be proud that you have put yourself out there and also followed up. So many of us would not have done that.

Franjipanl8r · 07/04/2025 02:10

It’s normal to feel completely shit when rejected. It’s also normal to worry about being rejected. I cried for a whole weekend when I didn’t hear back from my first online date, not because I have poor mental health or shouldn’t be dating, but because it’s really bloody hard!

Line up another date with someone else while you wait for this other guy to get back to you, keep going. I met my now DH online dating, sometimes it does work out and that in itself makes it worth it.

PotOfViolas · 07/04/2025 02:14

anonymous98 · 06/04/2025 23:07

I know he's not going to respond.

And I'm really sad.

You did the right thing contacting him as otherwise you'd have been wondering. It wasn't meant to be. The right person is out there who'll be delighted to go on another date

BigHeadBertha · 07/04/2025 04:18

As others have said, I think it might be better for you to not date until you're in a better place, if you feel too badly when a date doesn't call again.

From what you posted, my best guess is there wasn't a misunderstanding because of you having to rest, but he just wasn't interested enough to continue. However, there was no harm at all in checking in with him, just in case.

After all, not working out after a date or two is how it usually goes. One person or the other person or both people just don't see the person they go on a date with as their match, so they move on.

Which is absolutely fine because when you're looking for "your person," you'd want to sort out those who aren't that as soon as possible. And of course, them not feeling it for you puts them into your "discard pile," too. Next!

So, if it helps, that's one way to look at it. You just keep going on dates and be ready to easily move on if, for any reason (including them not being into you) they're not your match. Each one out of the way puts you closer to the one who is out there waiting for you. :)