My husband just called me the c word

[lurker1000]

I'm actually shaking as I write this - I argued with my husband yesterday and he's in a mood (context - he was annoyed that I told people our children went to a catholic school - they aren't catholics and he has an issue about it. The argument happened because he told me I wasn't to tell people that and I said that I found him telling me what to say controlling). He's been in a mood since.

This morning, after I dropped the kids at school, I came home and said that I think he should grow up as the moods are becoming more common. He absolutely went berserk and said you are nothing but a c* (he said this several times). I've tried to remain calm but I did shout back (I didn't call names).

I said he clearly has huge anger issues and that is completely unacceptable behaviour. He was shouting so loudly and has now shut the door to the office as he is about to go on a call.

I'm so, so upset. He moved out last year and we have been trying to fix things but this feels like right back to square one. He said in the argument that I should leave (that's not going to happen).

I'm venting but I'm so, so upset.

yes, exactly, you made good points - I was agreeing with you and being
sensitive to the OP’s sensibilities

Fwiw my own relationship was finally ended over something sexually repulsive
my exH said,
it was very unpleasant, untrue, unjustified, and closed down any idea that
we could carry on - I thought, after fifteen years being unhappy,
this is what you are telling me, on top of everything else??

I withdrew, thought it was ugly, horrible and foul.
I’d had enough.
So I quietly put the wheels in motion.

When you have children there is more to consider of course.

Luckily the house sold in late July, I bought a smaller house for us in August,
schools unaffected.
I wished I had left sooner, but I guess we all think that.
We are relaxed and happier. Looking back, he was always controlling,
unpleasant, humourless, mean, rubbish in bed, we just make the best of
it, until the strain and stress becomes intolerable.

It isn’t an easy process but worth it, once you know you have reached the point
of no return

As Maya Angelou said, 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them'. I imagine this man has shown his true colours before but you have given him the benefit of the doubt. I think it is time to get your affairs in order and consider asking him to leave on a permanent basis this time!

My ex always said he hated the word cnt, wouldn't call his worst enemy that word. He said it was utterly disgusting. When he started to call me cnt I should have realised that how much he hated me. It took too long. Knowing how much he hated the word, I should have known how much he hated me the first time he said it.

Perhaps you could reflect on your part in the relationship. I feel from you that your reflections are 100% one sided.

@lurker1000 how do you feel about asking him to leave for good ?
He doesn’t sound like he likes you tbh.
Definitely doesn’t respect you .

My ex was like this. Much better off without him. Get your things in order to manage on your own.

To be honest, you could have even have known sooner.

Men who go out of their way to say 'i really hate cheaters/rapists/liars' ect... Are telling you that's what they are. Because normal people don't need to say this shit, it's obvious. Let alone saying it out of the blue.

They're telling you who they are, how they will behave and how they intend to treat you.

It's the same as 'im a nice guy'. No, willing to bet you aren't mate.

In my defence I was very young when we met. Lesson learnt, I'm older and much wiser now. Learn by experience 🤣

God some of these comments. Minds like sewers. 🙄

It’s jerk central on this thread.

Come on, is this “man” honestly the best you think you can do?

He’s a misogynist gambling addict, who failed at the relationship with his first child’s mother, failed at his relationship with you, the mother of his subsequent children and you’ve allowed him back in your home; why?

How do you think he would feel about his DD being called a cunt by her future partner, would he slap the lad on the back, say “well done mate, you’ve set her straight, she can be a bit of a cunt” or would he think it’s out of order?

You are raising children to think it’s acceptable for daddy to call mummy a cunt, and whilst it might not have happened in front of them today, if you don’t get rid of him soon, it’s bound to happen in the future as by allowing him to stay you’re telling him that his behaviour and words are acceptable in your relationship.

You must want more than that, surely? Even if it’s a home free from men, so no one calls you a cunt?

O no no no...no-one calls you a cunt, especially someone that claims to love you. It's degrading, disgusting and completely unacceptable. It shouldn't matter if you're child is in a Catholic school, a Forest School or none at all and being home educated. No decent human being calls the mother of thier children a cunt. Get this POS out of your life, and seriously consider if he deserves any place in your children's life..if that is what he calls thier mother.

The OP's H was a gambler and took money from his kids' accounts, as revealed by Advanced Searching and posted upthread by a PP. There is more to this than name-calling, which you'd know if you'd read the thread.

😘

This man is a total cunt @lurker1000. I’m really, really sad that you’re still with this garbage loser. It’s been years.