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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband just called me the c word

191 replies

lurker1000 · 04/04/2025 09:36

I'm actually shaking as I write this - I argued with my husband yesterday and he's in a mood (context - he was annoyed that I told people our children went to a catholic school - they aren't catholics and he has an issue about it. The argument happened because he told me I wasn't to tell people that and I said that I found him telling me what to say controlling). He's been in a mood since.

This morning, after I dropped the kids at school, I came home and said that I think he should grow up as the moods are becoming more common. He absolutely went berserk and said you are nothing but a c* (he said this several times). I've tried to remain calm but I did shout back (I didn't call names).

I said he clearly has huge anger issues and that is completely unacceptable behaviour. He was shouting so loudly and has now shut the door to the office as he is about to go on a call.

I'm so, so upset. He moved out last year and we have been trying to fix things but this feels like right back to square one. He said in the argument that I should leave (that's not going to happen).

I'm venting but I'm so, so upset.

OP posts:
Shetlands · 04/04/2025 13:36

It sounds like your relationship is at the end of the road and you'd be better off living apart. The moodiness is bad enough but calling you a c*nt repeatedly is an indication of his contempt for you. I'm so sorry you're living with this behaviour and I hope you can resolve things soon. 💐

Paganpentacle · 04/04/2025 13:50

That escalated.
What else has gone on?

MyUniqueHalloweenCat · 04/04/2025 15:13

lurker1000 · 04/04/2025 13:27

@PinkElephantsOnParade2025 Neither of us are religious - but he is particularly strange about the catholic school

He wanted our children to go to the same school as his daughter (my step daughter) but I refused as it is seven miles away, they wouldn't have local friends etc. They go to the best school in the area and both have thrived at it.

It feels like just something else to have a go about - I'm the bad guy in this apparently, because I said he was controlling me by telling me what I could and couldn't say

To be fair, he was controlling you and he tried to control you further by using abusive language. He wouldn’t call his boss this word, so why does he think it’s acceptable to use it with you? YANBU.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/04/2025 15:31

Venting is all well and good but the underlying problem remains ie him.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

springtimemagic · 04/04/2025 17:05

lurker1000 · 04/04/2025 09:36

I'm actually shaking as I write this - I argued with my husband yesterday and he's in a mood (context - he was annoyed that I told people our children went to a catholic school - they aren't catholics and he has an issue about it. The argument happened because he told me I wasn't to tell people that and I said that I found him telling me what to say controlling). He's been in a mood since.

This morning, after I dropped the kids at school, I came home and said that I think he should grow up as the moods are becoming more common. He absolutely went berserk and said you are nothing but a c* (he said this several times). I've tried to remain calm but I did shout back (I didn't call names).

I said he clearly has huge anger issues and that is completely unacceptable behaviour. He was shouting so loudly and has now shut the door to the office as he is about to go on a call.

I'm so, so upset. He moved out last year and we have been trying to fix things but this feels like right back to square one. He said in the argument that I should leave (that's not going to happen).

I'm venting but I'm so, so upset.

It just sounds like he’s very uncomfortable with the fact that your children are at a catholic school. Shouldn’t you have respected his request for you not to tell anyone? Surely you would keep something to yourself if he asked you to?

josa · 04/04/2025 17:05

My kids dad called me a c**t once. The verbal abuse had been escalating. That was the final straw. He was gone. He’s nice to me now…… his poor girlfriend gets that side of him now unfortunately. That language is not acceptable and I didn’t want my children to think it was .

Figgygal · 04/04/2025 17:12

Sounds like he needs to leave for good this time tbh op

Original poster
lurker1000 · 04/04/2025 17:23

@springtimemagic I didn't realise that I wasn't supposed to tell anyone - to be honest, that would make me uncomfortable - I don't want any shame attached to my kids schools - he was happy to come along and register them etc.

But he has now decided on this occasion that he isn't happy and I need to be told what I can and can't talk about - and I get called names if I stand up for myself? it feels really wrong

OP posts:
BagelandEggs · 04/04/2025 17:24

You don't have to leave, he has to leave as it's where you and your kids live. How dare he verbally abuse you about something so trivial? I would tell him to leave now as things are not working out and this abusive behaviour is the last straw - I hope you can get things resolved - phone women's aid for advice and back-up.

abracadabra1980 · 04/04/2025 17:33

Your relationship is very much over. Reading what you have written - and him having already moved out due to difficulties, would indicate to me the writing is on the wall; add in to that the C word and this in itself takes name calling to another level. My exH and I had 'difficulties', but the day he called me a cunt, I filed for divorce. I've never looked back - they never change.

abracadabra1980 · 04/04/2025 17:34

"But he has now decided on this occasion that he isn't happy and I need to be told what I can and can't talk about - and I get called names if I stand up for myself? it feels really wrong"

This is abusive, narcissistic behaviour. Right there, where you have written the words.

Ihopeyouhavent · 04/04/2025 17:35

A marriage and relationship is ended over the word cunt? Really?

Watermill · 04/04/2025 17:37

The only thing you have done wrong here is allowing him back after he left last time.

It sounds like he doesn’t intend to pack his bags, so you will need legal advice.

Go carefully. 💐

carlmotl · 04/04/2025 17:40

Ihopeyouhavent · 04/04/2025 17:35

A marriage and relationship is ended over the word cunt? Really?

It sounds like there is a lot more to this than the word cunt. The DH already moved out last year, OP hasn't elaborated on why and nor should she have to, is now back and they are working on things. Now he's called her a cunt and all because she told someone the kids were at a particular school.

So no, it sounds like it's not about ending a marriage over the word cunt but that this is the last straw.

MadinMarch · 04/04/2025 17:41

springtimemagic · 04/04/2025 17:05

It just sounds like he’s very uncomfortable with the fact that your children are at a catholic school. Shouldn’t you have respected his request for you not to tell anyone? Surely you would keep something to yourself if he asked you to?

Show quote history

Talk about minimising!
You don't find it controlling for him to tell OP not to tell anyone it's a Catholic school?
Secondly, that it's ok to repeatedly call her a C**T?

Greenplate1989 · 04/04/2025 17:41

Ihopeyouhavent · 04/04/2025 17:35

A marriage and relationship is ended over the word cunt? Really?

My thoughts exactly

Suitablefor · 04/04/2025 17:42

What a bloody awful family environment this must be for the children involved

Suitablefor · 04/04/2025 17:43

Greenplate1989 · 04/04/2025 17:41

My thoughts exactly

Show quote history

The anger issues?

the fact that this is a relationship that had already broken down and this was their version of “trying to fix things”

Mamagonemad · 04/04/2025 17:43

DenholmElliot11 · 04/04/2025 13:24

YABU - you came home and because YOU don't have to work you continued the argument from last night when he clearly has work to be getting on with.

You should have waited till a quiet time tonight to discuss it.

Husband could have said this isn’t a good time to talk, let’s do it later. Absolutely not okay for him to react like he did because he had work.

CagneyNYPD1 · 04/04/2025 17:44

lurker1000 · 04/04/2025 17:23

@springtimemagic I didn't realise that I wasn't supposed to tell anyone - to be honest, that would make me uncomfortable - I don't want any shame attached to my kids schools - he was happy to come along and register them etc.

But he has now decided on this occasion that he isn't happy and I need to be told what I can and can't talk about - and I get called names if I stand up for myself? it feels really wrong

It feels wrong because it is wrong.

if he moved out previously then clearly there have been problems for some time.

is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back for you @lurker1000? Do and say nothing for now but it would be wise for you to take some time over the coming days to reflect on how the relationship has got to this point. And more importantly, what do you want from it moving forward?

Apreslapluielesoleil · 04/04/2025 17:45

Time for him to move out for good?
I think an angry man can be a dangerous man, I’d be glad to see the back of him.

Original poster
lurker1000 · 04/04/2025 17:45

Sorry - I wasn't meaning to be vague - he moved out last year - he's a gambling addict and I came into my inheritance and it caused a lot of issues (I refused to split with step child etc). He is now 2 and a half years off a bet - but that first year when he was in recovery was really difficult on everyone. He really hurt us by leaving and it took a while to get back on track. I thought we were working through this - but with everything, everything is my fault.

Things are good for a couple of weeks and then something minor (like saying 'bloody dog' or telling someone my children go to a catholic school) becomes a huge issue - it's always my fault. It's the way I behave or because I stand up for myself.

OP posts:
Suitablefor · 04/04/2025 17:45

Ihopeyouhavent · 04/04/2025 17:35

A marriage and relationship is ended over the word cunt? Really?

Pause
read the entire op and not just the title maybe

CagneyNYPD1 · 04/04/2025 17:46

Ihopeyouhavent · 04/04/2025 17:35

A marriage and relationship is ended over the word cunt? Really?

But it isn’t just about the word. It never is. It’s the layers and layers of problems before the word.

Mamagonemad · 04/04/2025 17:46

springtimemagic · 04/04/2025 17:05

It just sounds like he’s very uncomfortable with the fact that your children are at a catholic school. Shouldn’t you have respected his request for you not to tell anyone? Surely you would keep something to yourself if he asked you to?

Show quote history

To not tell people it’s a catholic school would be pretty odd, no?! Anyone who knew the area would know anyway?

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