Affair relationship ??

[PeriodHome]

I've fallen in love with someone at work. It crept up on us after about 18 months of working together.

Initially and for a while there was no physical intimacy. Over the last year this has slowly evolved. I'm 47 and he is 63 I have 1 child, he has none. He's in a dead relationship - separate bedrooms and living like housemates for over 10 years and is deeply unhappy. I know this to be entirely true.

I haven't had a serious relationship for around the same amount of time and we have both felt completely accepting of our lives lacking in intimacy. However we have found one another and really appreciate each other, enjoy one anothers company and have lots of shared interests.

We are now in this odd liminal space where we are not quite able to make big life changing decisions, but at the same time; feel that we are missing out of we don't .

I would like to hear your similar stories and experiences that will help me decide how to navigate this.

Yikes.

IF it's true.

So he's been lying to you about wanting to get a place with you then.

I'm sorry op I don't think you can trust a word out of this man's mouth.

You tell him no so he moved the goalposts yet again.

Just, nope.

Oh op, please wake up! “Some corporate mistake” and “a million pounds”? I own a business. He is FULL OF SHIT.

He saw this one coming didn't he. You can bet she'll be putting him up soon so his <checks notes> 'corporate mistake' can be managed by his bossy wife who supervises his washing up.

And honestly he owes a million pounds for 'a mistake' then he should pay it. That's what the law is all about. He's flat out told you he's a con artist, hiding money he owes.

What are the bets he's actually held his wife captive by saying 'youll get nothing if we sell because the house will go to the people I owe' too.

Op, he's a headwrecker. Seriously, run.

'thankyou for your honesty, well, I guess we're over then if we cant move forwards'. The guess how long before he backtracks or comes up with another lie. Because this current one is designed to get you to ease off about him leaving his wife but still keep shagging him. But if you decide its over, I bet he'll try think up some other bs to reel you back.

'oh they've said they may drop the demand for money so I might be able to sell. Perhaps in 2 years after the mandate runs out'. Or some other guff.

If you do a Land Registry search, would that charge on his home show up?

No. He did ask if he could live here but I said no. This was ages ago.

Yes, he's paid quite a lot of it off.

Yes, bad financial management. Not fraud as he would've been in prison. Yes, he's got the land registry docs and is bringing them tomorrow to show me. If they break up she gets to leave with 50% of a property, which he funded originally and he leaves with nothing.

So think that through. If she leaves he will be left effectively homeless. So she has all the power not him.

🏃🏃🏃

See above!

I've changed the details a little bit here because of identifying info. So he didn't say corporate mistake and it's not quite a million but siro. Anyway, it's not bullshit. He did have to go to court and he did get fined a significant sum; some of which he paid off.

They moved half the property into her name to protect it.

Christ op! No. If he owns a business big enough to make a “million pound mistake” then he is either the shittest business man alive, or it is a Limited Company. Limited in this case means limited liability- they cannot “take a charge” on his house!! Look him up on Companies House. It’s free and very easy. Literally google “companies house” and follow the prompts. That will also show you how much she owns?

Companies house doesn't show how much share of a house someone owns.

Yes, he was a shit business man and declared some assets had value when they didn't. He was then made personally responsible and taken to court and fined by the company.

But her having half the house is just exactly the position he would have been in if they were married and then divorced. So he's in the same spot as any married man leaving a relationship.

And all his stories about her criticism of his washing up, and her being wrong and abrupt about him not knowing about your line of work - don't forget that these are stories HE is telling you. Not her. It could all be pure fabrication, designed to make his relationship look worse than it really is.

No, but it shows if it is a Limited Company, it should show any charges related to that Limited Company and it will show what she owns.
But honestly, even if this is true (it isn’t) this man has admitted committing corporate fraud as well as lying to his partner of 20 years? If you cannot see that he is not a good man, neither I, nor anyone else on here, can help you.

No it's not the same position! Not at all. In a normal separation they would go 50/50 on house. They are not married and if they sell 50 ,% - his half; will go straight to pay off the remaining money owed to the company that took him to court. He will have nothing.

So by not separating, he is able to stay in the house, and so is she.

He can buy another house with money from inheritance that is kept by a family member and it would be put into someone else's name.

🏃🏃🏃

'He can buy another house with money from inheritance that is kept by a family member and it would be put into someone else's name.'

That's called fraud.

Ah I see. I'm sorry, I didn't realise he still owed so much money. I thought he'd be left with half the value of the house.

But the buying a house with money in someone else's name sounds pretty dodgy - is that his way of avoiding paying off what he owes?

@PeriodHome I personally don’t think you should consider co-habiting with a person that has slipshod washing up standards

Massive red flag 🤣

That poor woman , she has a cheating and lying man for a partner. I hope she kicks his arse out. You're no better, you deserve everything that's coming your way.

He is just telling you a pack of lies. Do you truly believe that a company with a judgment and a charging order over a house would wait 15 years to enforce their judgment? Obviously not! They would force a sale of the house, get the charge paid off, kick the partner out and give her half of the proceeds. That is if he managed to avoid bankruptcy - because if he didn't the Trustee in Bankruptcy could clearly go after that transfer of the house to her at an undervalue.

If there is any truth in what he has done, he is an extremely crooked man as well as a cheat and you have been extremely gullible believing his sob story. If you stay with a man like this knowing everything you know, you deserve each other.

50 percent of it is hers if they were together many years. All that's happening is he lost his share. Why should she suffer because of his fuck up?

And logically the divorce lawyer probably will want them to split that 50 percent 50 50 as they are married and no matter who's name it is, it's a joint asset as it's the family home. Chances are anyway.

This inheritance money is he hiding it from her as well as the people he owes?

I mean the more he talks the worse he is really. Bloody del boy doesn't get a look in.

So he’s a fraudster? One that will commit further fraud by hiding assets. What a catch.

I imagine the whole thing is in her name and he won't admit it. Hence him freaking out about being kicked out.

Yes. There's more to this.

Much more. I'm really, internally, backing away very slowly from this. God only knows what he's been up to but I looked at companies house and there are loads of companies registered in his name and lots were dissolved at around the same sort of time.

It's all so weird. I feel quite tarnished at the moment.

@Sodthesystem they are not married

Yes, she knows about the inheritance and has cynically said that she doesn't think he will see any of it as it's in the account of another family member

It’s easy for you to hate her. Let’s him off the hook too. Just remember that all your information is coming through him and he’ll have his own agenda for telling you certain things.
What you should be focusing on is why it’s only now that he’s telling you about this, when it was crunch time for leaving. He knew all along he couldn’t leave but held that information until he wanted to let you know. You don’t think that’s a bit messed up?

Yes it really is. I really feel for this woman and feel quite a lot of compassion for her and what she must've gone through.

From what I can ascertain from the info I have, he lost 800k and then because of irregularities and him being personally responsible an asset management company sued him and fined him.

He told the company that the business he was selling was healthy and accounted for assets that had no value. Some of this was settled but the remainder has to be settled on the sale of his property. Half of his property is in her name and due to this can't be sold to settle the debt.

There is more to this I'm sure but I feel quite sick now and can't quite get my head around all this. It feels like a lot.