Crushing so badly on my sons primary school teacher.

[93Queen]

Ok so before anyone jumps on me for this, I KNOW how wrong and inappropriate this is. My son started in his class in September and from the moment I first clapped eyes on this man, I couldn’t help but find him extremely attractive. I’m not with anyone by the way and haven’t been for a few years now. Just recently, I think I’m seeing things that just aren’t there and it won’t go away. We had a meeting in school recently, and I’m not joking when I say the chemistry is real! For me obviously, not him. It’s all one sided. Anyway, as I walked to the school, my heart was racing and I’ve never felt ‘butterflies’ as bad as that before. As I waited in the reception area of the school, I could see him staring at me through the glass whilst he was quickly getting himself a drink. I also saw him give me a quick stare as he walked into the office. As I said, I know this is wrong but I can’t help the way this man makes me feel. I’m not sure if he’s in a relationship, all I know is, he’s the same age as me but doesn’t yet have any children. How do I stop this ridiculous behaviour of mine? It’s an embarrassment feeling this way in my 30s! He has also invited me in for an additional parents evening, that was just before Christmas, but again, I know all of these things are just him being nice and a lovely teacher. Even if he did find me attractive, how would I know? Is there any body language or anything I can look out for? Reason I ask is I’m pretty sure there’s another parents evening coming up soon, and I just wondered how he would act whilst siting directly opposite me if he was to find me attractive too. Thank you for reading if you got to the end and sorry for rambling on.

But there’s been other questions.

Do you stare at parents? The ones you’re not attracted to, I mean?

So that's going to be turning point is it? Once he's got the idea you fancy him?

Then what? Assuming he doesn't ask you out at parents evening or even the week after.
Chatting at the end of day ..how long you giving it? What about next year when he's not your son's teacher ..what happens then.
FANTASY.

Honestly OP, I don't mean to be rude but you come across as a lovesick 14 year old than a grown woman, admire him from afar but all this "I saw him looking at me "nonsense, so what if he did? It means bugger all....

Thanks for quoting 😊

Good luck OP, I think you need to get and start dating. You’ll soon forget this teacher.

What were the other questions?

You only have the op's perception that he "stared" at her.

You couldn't seriously be completely discounting that she's been very attracted to/struck by this man since meeting him and may be projecting or reading too much into his behaviour.?

Even if he is super attracted back, he can't dare her now ...and even after he stops teaching her child; he still may not be able to.

And we don't even know if he's single.

You couldn't be certain there was any particular interest or info seeking behind it.

I know I can’t, none of us can.

Which other questions?

He was looking through a glass door whilst getting a drink…I’m not sure that constitutes staring?

Honestly, I don’t see the parents of the children I teach as potential attractions. I’m at work, in a very busy job. I do a lot of parent meetings because of my role and it just doesn’t occur to me. They are just the parents of my children - it’s a professional relationship.

You are determined to find a mutual attraction regardless what others say. He asked you about your plans. My hairdresser asks me about my plans! He's happily married and works with his wife! At no point would I claim there was a mutual attraction. Stop making things up. This man has been friendly and you have imagined much more to it. You know it's a crush and wanted to know how to deal with it. However, it reads more like you want validation to ask him out.

Having just been through this whole thing with an acquaintance about whom I had pure lust and a huge liking for - I'd say ask him out. Mine didn't work out, he wasn't the slightest bit interested in anything other than friendship, but I'm pleased I asked as it has had a positive knock on effect in other areas . . .. And now I know, I can try to stop wasting my time and emotions on him.

Again it doesn't matter if the teacher does fancy her.
Unless he is prepared to make a relationship out of it it makes no difference does it. Everyone has fancied someone but knows it won't work. Forcing stuff NEVER works long term.

Which other questions?
He was looking through a glass door whilst getting a drink…I’m not sure that constitutes staring?

I don’t know what the other questions are.

I think it’s kind on online forums to take the OP’s word for it, always. So if she says he stared at her more than once I believe her, and yes those stared could be because of any one of many reasons.

I don’t think it’s that kind to be encouraging the OP to ask this teacher questions with the intention of finding out if he likes her.

For goodness sake, this is not “love”. You have a crush on an attractive man. No more, no less.
Keep it in its place. This man, if he values his job, is unlikely to be interested in pursuing a relationship with a pupils parent. And nothing you’ve said about his interactions with you indicates he is in any way interested in you.
By all means, keep admiring his looks from afar but for the love of god do not say anything to him or try to investigate his private life.

Just ask the man out, worst case scenario, he declines - that's how it went before on-line.

I met my partner a few years ago at school, we are both teachers, I'd been a single chap for a while, she turned up in September, I was instantly attracted and she was very keen to sit and chat over lunch, after 2 weeks I just said would you like to go out for a coffee - fortunately for me she said yes, coffee one afternoon drew on, we decided to go to dinner, then the cinema - been inseparable ever since.

The chances are always slim, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I really hope that, as a teacher, you can see how this is different to the OP’s situation.

I can't see an issue, generally us men are not asked out as much by the ladies as the other way round.

If I was asked out by a parent, I would of course have to decline, but I'd be flattered none-the-less.

Just ask the man out

Even if he wants to go out with the op, he probably couldn't do so until after July.

I wouldn’t do anything before July anyway, I couldn’t. I’d never ask him out or anything right now knowing he wouldn’t be able to, and I wouldn’t want to make things awkward either for any of us because I’d still have to see him sometimes at the school. I was just simply going to follow him on Instagram or something after my son leaves in July

What were the positive knock-on effects in other areas?

Not sure why, I've been a teacher for over 20 years, member of SLT for 5 and in that time probably 10 or so colleagues have had relationships with parents, many ending in marriage or long term.

There is nothing in the teachers standards that says Sir can't go out with Joes mum. Many teachers teach their own children or step children or partners children, its not a professional standards issue

My son has a very good looking male teacher. The way some mums (and the occasional gran!) act around him is embarrassing and obvious.

He won't be your son's teacher next year but in primary your son will still see him about in assemblies, on the playground etc. Word will spread around the kids if you two start dating and the social implications are huge. Your son needs the focus to be on him during parents evenings and his teacher meetings. If he doesn't fancy you back or is prohibited from dating parents you risk things becoming very awkward when you need to be working with him for your son's sake.

Enjoy the crush but leave well alone! There are other men out there.

I really hope that, as a teacher, you can see how this is different to the OP’s situation.

@SmileEachDay OP’s son’s teacher won’t be teaching her son from July.

We're going back many years now, but one of my DCs teachers had a crush on me. I didn't do anything about it but I was tempted. It felt nice though and I loved talking to that teacher.

There is nothing in the professional codes of conduct we operate as teachers under that would prevent him from going out with you, dating you, marrying you..
He may not want to based on self imposed rules, but that's up to him.

Or he may be married with kids...

There is nothing in the teachers standards that says Sir can't go out with Joes mum.

Isn’t that interesting! Thanks for posting that @YourAzureEagle