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Original poster

Crushing so badly on my sons primary school teacher.

398 replies

93Queen · 30/03/2025 08:35

Ok so before anyone jumps on me for this, I KNOW how wrong and inappropriate this is. My son started in his class in September and from the moment I first clapped eyes on this man, I couldn’t help but find him extremely attractive. I’m not with anyone by the way and haven’t been for a few years now. Just recently, I think I’m seeing things that just aren’t there and it won’t go away. We had a meeting in school recently, and I’m not joking when I say the chemistry is real! For me obviously, not him. It’s all one sided. Anyway, as I walked to the school, my heart was racing and I’ve never felt ‘butterflies’ as bad as that before. As I waited in the reception area of the school, I could see him staring at me through the glass whilst he was quickly getting himself a drink. I also saw him give me a quick stare as he walked into the office. As I said, I know this is wrong but I can’t help the way this man makes me feel. I’m not sure if he’s in a relationship, all I know is, he’s the same age as me but doesn’t yet have any children. How do I stop this ridiculous behaviour of mine? It’s an embarrassment feeling this way in my 30s! He has also invited me in for an additional parents evening, that was just before Christmas, but again, I know all of these things are just him being nice and a lovely teacher. Even if he did find me attractive, how would I know? Is there any body language or anything I can look out for? Reason I ask is I’m pretty sure there’s another parents evening coming up soon, and I just wondered how he would act whilst siting directly opposite me if he was to find me attractive too. Thank you for reading if you got to the end and sorry for rambling on.

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 30/03/2025 11:04

Do you honestly think you can cope eith thr rejection if it comes to it?

StrawberryDream24 · 30/03/2025 11:05

The other thing is, op, sorry to be a damp squib but reality says that - even if this man is single - he will have plenty of opportunities, as a very attractive guy with no kids, in a respectable professional job with decentish pay, promotion opportunities and school holidays mostly off for future childcare.

He will have lots of opportunities with women without kids yet; and while of course some people choose single parents regardless of other opportunities, many do not.

Ateotd, it's a much more complicated situation than just meeting another person who has no kids yet and then having only your kids together.

That's what many people opt for, and this guy sounds like he'd have plenty of opportunities (?)

Also, in addition to the issues re. getting involved with a single Mum at all,; if this were to go sideways, he'll be seeing you around the school (regardless of stopping directly teaching your child) for 5 more years. That would give many people pause.

Then there's potentially getting into shit with the school for dating parents, even if not directly teaching their child anymore.

Papercup · 30/03/2025 11:05

I agree with another PP, strong chemistry is rarely one-sided. But it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s single. You need to find out if he’s single then make your move if he is.

Can you make friends with the school receptionist or anything? Our primary school receptionists knew everything about everything. They were the first people I went to to find out anything I wanted to know in the school. I would have totally been able to ask one of them if the dishy year 1 teacher was single.

Or maybe you could join the PTA? PTA people know everything and have a lot of interaction with the staff organising summer fairs etc. Actually, thinking about it, the summer fair (if your school has one) would be the perfect opportunity for you to have a nice non-child related chit chat with him.

WonderingWanda · 30/03/2025 11:05

YourAzureEagle · 30/03/2025 11:03

There is nothing in the professional codes of conduct we operate as teachers under that would prevent him from going out with you, dating you, marrying you..
He may not want to based on self imposed rules, but that's up to him.

Or he may be married with kids...

Show quote history

But every school publishes a staff code of conduct as an employer and every school I've ever worked in that has been in the contract.

Original poster
93Queen · 30/03/2025 11:05

YourAzureEagle · 30/03/2025 11:03

There is nothing in the professional codes of conduct we operate as teachers under that would prevent him from going out with you, dating you, marrying you..
He may not want to based on self imposed rules, but that's up to him.

Or he may be married with kids...

Show quote history

Definitely not married and he doesn’t have kids which is common knowledge. The reason I say hes not married as well is because he doesn’t have a ring on. Again, I know that doesn’t mean anything but that’s just my guess. But the kids thing, I know he doesn’t have any of his own

OP posts:
Original poster
93Queen · 30/03/2025 11:08

BlondiePortz · 30/03/2025 11:04

Do you honestly think you can cope eith thr rejection if it comes to it?

Yep, because the way I see it, at least I asked. Don’t ask you don’t get I suppose. If I was to ask and he said no for what ever reason, at least I know

OP posts:
StrawberryDream24 · 30/03/2025 11:09

YourAzureEagle · 30/03/2025 10:59

Not sure why, I've been a teacher for over 20 years, member of SLT for 5 and in that time probably 10 or so colleagues have had relationships with parents, many ending in marriage or long term.

There is nothing in the teachers standards that says Sir can't go out with Joes mum. Many teachers teach their own children or step children or partners children, its not a professional standards issue

Show quote history

Another teacher above said it was probably against conduct standards.

westisbest1982 · 30/03/2025 11:11

93Queen · 30/03/2025 11:08

Yep, because the way I see it, at least I asked. Don’t ask you don’t get I suppose. If I was to ask and he said no for what ever reason, at least I know

Show quote history

Exactly. And I wouldn’t follow him on Instagram or similar - he’d get the notification and would probably find this creepy.

SmileEachDay · 30/03/2025 11:15

StrawberryDream24 · 30/03/2025 11:09

Another teacher above said it was probably against conduct standards.

Show quote history

It’s this. “Observing proper boundaries” - which includes not using parent meetings as a way of securing dates.

if he met a parent socially, away from school, and it was handled very carefully it might be different.

Crushing so badly on my sons primary school teacher.
UpUpUpU · 30/03/2025 11:17

OP, with kindness, please keep this as a fantasy.

Original poster
93Queen · 30/03/2025 11:17

westisbest1982 · 30/03/2025 11:11

Exactly. And I wouldn’t follow him on Instagram or similar - he’d get the notification and would probably find this creepy.

Show quote history

theres no other way of me doing anything if I don’t. I guess people add each other/follow each other all the time so I’ve not really thought of it as being creepy before

OP posts:
YourAzureEagle · 30/03/2025 11:19

StrawberryDream24 · 30/03/2025 11:09

Another teacher above said it was probably against conduct standards.

Show quote history

Deffo not against anything put out by the government. The general standards as below.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/665522/Teachers_standard_information.pdf

An employer, may, of course put whatever it likes in its own contract, often companies put things in prohibiting relationships between colleagues - however, in the most part such rules are legally un-enforcable.

I can't see any head teacher having an issue (I'm a deputy head and wouldn't) so long as said relationship was kept outside school and didn't impact on school. In fact I can't see why they would find out if it was normally discreet.

Saying that we have no idea if the guy is even interested!

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/665522/Teachers_standard_information.pdf

YourAzureEagle · 30/03/2025 11:20

SmileEachDay · 30/03/2025 11:15

It’s this. “Observing proper boundaries” - which includes not using parent meetings as a way of securing dates.

if he met a parent socially, away from school, and it was handled very carefully it might be different.

Show quote history

That is referring to relationships with pupils. Note the "treat pupils," at the beginning of that paragraph - parents are not mentioned anywhere.

Note also the teacher isn't asking the OP out or looking to secure a date, she is.

SmileEachDay · 30/03/2025 11:23

YourAzureEagle · 30/03/2025 11:20

That is referring to relationships with pupils. Note the "treat pupils," at the beginning of that paragraph - parents are not mentioned anywhere.

Note also the teacher isn't asking the OP out or looking to secure a date, she is.

Edited
Show quote history

It’s absolutely to do with pupil relationships, you’re right, and part of that is relationships and boundaries with the pupil’s parents.

I’m surprised that an experienced teacher can’t see that.

YourAzureEagle · 30/03/2025 11:31

SmileEachDay · 30/03/2025 11:23

It’s absolutely to do with pupil relationships, you’re right, and part of that is relationships and boundaries with the pupil’s parents.

I’m surprised that an experienced teacher can’t see that.

Show quote history

Not at all, nowhere is that stated, or inferred - if the OP were, hypothetically enter into a relationship with Sir, then that does in no way impact Sirs relationship with the pupil - I would expect to see the same level of professionalism Sir shows with other pupils.

I know one of my year 9 tutors is dating a year 9 mum - none of my business - so long as they are not snogging on school grounds and he is not being nepotistic in favour of her child, then nothing to see here.

Ariel896 · 30/03/2025 11:31

I honestly think you will get more from
him one to one at parents evening, but honestly when men want someone they do everything in their power to make it happen.

SCWS · 30/03/2025 11:43

93Queen · 30/03/2025 11:05

Definitely not married and he doesn’t have kids which is common knowledge. The reason I say hes not married as well is because he doesn’t have a ring on. Again, I know that doesn’t mean anything but that’s just my guess. But the kids thing, I know he doesn’t have any of his own

Show quote history

My husband doesn’t wear a ring, and I imagine that’s not uncommon. Just be careful OP, you need to look after your heart.

Original poster
93Queen · 30/03/2025 11:53

Ariel896 · 30/03/2025 11:31

I honestly think you will get more from
him one to one at parents evening, but honestly when men want someone they do everything in their power to make it happen.

It’s just knowing how to approach it I guess. And honestly, yes I’ve got this mad crush on him and probably worded things on here differently to what I actually meant, but I would never try chatting him up on parents evening or using it as an excuse to find out stuff about his personal life. I know a lot of people on here think that’s what I’m after and yes, it would be nice if he liked me too and something came from it but I’m also ok with that not happening. As someone said earlier, nothing ventured and all that. I don’t want to embarrass either of us or make things awkward because I’d still need to see him until the end of July when they finish for summer

OP posts:
Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 12:00

93Queen · 30/03/2025 09:46

Body language and that sort of thing. Which I’ve never been any good at but some people are

If a teacher is showing he fancies a parent through his body language

I’d be concerned

OP, let it be. It’s a crush.

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 12:02

“any Easter plans with the missus?”

is that how you talk Op?
let alone to your child’s… teacher??

westisbest1982 · 30/03/2025 12:04

I still think “any nice plans for the summer?” would be good.

Original poster
93Queen · 30/03/2025 12:04

Ooorhead · 30/03/2025 12:02

“any Easter plans with the missus?”

is that how you talk Op?
let alone to your child’s… teacher??

It’s only the same as he said to me before the Christmas break, obviously minus the misses part

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 30/03/2025 12:08

YourAzureEagle · 30/03/2025 11:31

Not at all, nowhere is that stated, or inferred - if the OP were, hypothetically enter into a relationship with Sir, then that does in no way impact Sirs relationship with the pupil - I would expect to see the same level of professionalism Sir shows with other pupils.

I know one of my year 9 tutors is dating a year 9 mum - none of my business - so long as they are not snogging on school grounds and he is not being nepotistic in favour of her child, then nothing to see here.

Show quote history

Which means Sir won’t respond to any approach by the OP whilst Sir is at work. It’s not in the best interests of the child, and it crosses a boundary for the child.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 30/03/2025 12:12

I’m cringing for you OP. This is all in your head. He most likely wasn’t staring at you, he was probably trying to work out which parent he was meant to be meeting with.

It’s fine to have a crush. It’s not fine to act on a crush with your child’s teacher. It’d be very unprofessional for him to get into a relationship with you - and could even be career suicide for him.

He’s a good looking man with no kids… I’m sure many of the mums flutter their eyelashes at him. Don’t embarrass yourself or more importantly your child with taking this any further. You’ve got another 6 years of your child at this school… you need to snap out of it.

SpoonyCat · 30/03/2025 12:15

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 30/03/2025 12:12

I’m cringing for you OP. This is all in your head. He most likely wasn’t staring at you, he was probably trying to work out which parent he was meant to be meeting with.

It’s fine to have a crush. It’s not fine to act on a crush with your child’s teacher. It’d be very unprofessional for him to get into a relationship with you - and could even be career suicide for him.

He’s a good looking man with no kids… I’m sure many of the mums flutter their eyelashes at him. Don’t embarrass yourself or more importantly your child with taking this any further. You’ve got another 6 years of your child at this school… you need to snap out of it.

This