Crushing so badly on my sons primary school teacher.

[93Queen]

Ok so before anyone jumps on me for this, I KNOW how wrong and inappropriate this is. My son started in his class in September and from the moment I first clapped eyes on this man, I couldn’t help but find him extremely attractive. I’m not with anyone by the way and haven’t been for a few years now. Just recently, I think I’m seeing things that just aren’t there and it won’t go away. We had a meeting in school recently, and I’m not joking when I say the chemistry is real! For me obviously, not him. It’s all one sided. Anyway, as I walked to the school, my heart was racing and I’ve never felt ‘butterflies’ as bad as that before. As I waited in the reception area of the school, I could see him staring at me through the glass whilst he was quickly getting himself a drink. I also saw him give me a quick stare as he walked into the office. As I said, I know this is wrong but I can’t help the way this man makes me feel. I’m not sure if he’s in a relationship, all I know is, he’s the same age as me but doesn’t yet have any children. How do I stop this ridiculous behaviour of mine? It’s an embarrassment feeling this way in my 30s! He has also invited me in for an additional parents evening, that was just before Christmas, but again, I know all of these things are just him being nice and a lovely teacher. Even if he did find me attractive, how would I know? Is there any body language or anything I can look out for? Reason I ask is I’m pretty sure there’s another parents evening coming up soon, and I just wondered how he would act whilst siting directly opposite me if he was to find me attractive too. Thank you for reading if you got to the end and sorry for rambling on.

As I’ve said in previous comments, there’s nothing wrong with a simple ‘any plans over Easter’ comment. I’m not using parents meetings to chat him up at all. He’s asked me the same question (any half term plans) is that him chatting me up? No of course it isn’t, so why is it any different for me to ask him.

I think it is usually a combination of hormones and needing something in your life (affection/ sex/ validation/ support etc) that is behind these intense type of crushes tbh.
Bear in mind, it’s not just whether he fancies you back that you don’t know- you have no idea what kind of person he actually is.
It is easy to project and pretend a relative stranger has all the qualities you need from someone, but it’s important to remember that you really have no idea what they’re like. Finding will probably be disappointing but it could possibly be unpleasant or even dangerous. You are vulnerable here and need to protect yourself.
I have told this story on here before but a friend of mine once had this with someone she worked with. She flirted with him, he flirted back, she flirted more, he turned out to be an absolute letch.
It is naive to think that someone you hardly know like this will mirror your own feelings.

The difference is you’re not just making casual polite small talk, you’ve literally said you’re going to try to engineer the meeting to see if you can find out if he likes you.

Spoiler, if you can’t tell he probably doesn’t.

Oh no, don’t say that - having a consensual relationship with a much younger man and enjoying having sex with him when you’re a certain age is absolutely horrifying and the grimmest of grim (to the many boring prudes on Mumsnet).

OP, you need to quote people in your replies to make it clear you're responding to them.

As a teacher, I do look through windows at parents to ensure I know who I'm meeting and that they're there and waiting. This isn't staring.

I really think you need to calm down a little bit. There's a danger you could make this teacher uncomfortable and that could make things difficult for your child, as well as a professional doing his job.

"Staring" at you through a glass window while you're waiting for your meeting and he's getting a drink - could just mean he clocked you and thought "right, my next meeting parent is here, I better get sorted asap and get them in" (he was clearly trying to fit in a drink/break).

"Staring" again - who knows if there was anything other than just looking at someone.

Neither may actually have been "staring".

He offered an alternative time for the "book look" because you couldn't attend. Maybe that's standard. You say he "went out of his way" to do that but do you know for sure he doesn't offer that to any parent who couldn't attend? And your child has an ehcp, so he'd be wanting to make sure he engaged fully with the parent and covered all bases.

The "teaching assistant said you wanted a word with me" thing may have been genuine. The may not have been clear, and he may have assumed it was you because your child is one of the children with an ehcp.

When you're v attracted to someone, it's easy to want to see reciprocation and think that fancy you too and want opportunities to be around you too; but that could just be projection.

I'd also say that if he's very attractive....few attractive men stay single for long, unless they really want to be single for some reason.

It's unlikely he's single (the majority of people are not single as they GK through their twenties etc. and a particularly attractive, well presented man with a decent job is even less likely to be.

The reason I'm being so strident about this is because I and my friends have all been there.
Hours spent on does he like me, why doesn’t he call me, does he know how much I fancy him etc.

And it’s all pointless.
Them knowing you are interested won’t make the blindest difference honestly. Men aren’t stupid, he already knows.

I hope it works out for the OP, having these feelings can be torturous.

However, I’ve not seen anything in the posts that suggests he’s attracted to her too unless I’ve missed something obvious? (Sorry OP, I hope he is; I just can’t see it from what has mentioned so far).

I’m not using parents meetings to chat him up at all. He’s asked me the same question (any half term plans) is that him chatting me up? No of course it isn’t, so why is it any different for me to ask him.

You're being a bit disengenuous there op.

Because his question could have been/was likely to have been polite conversation. Not seeking info. about someone's life/relationship status.

But your question would not be indifferent, polite conversation, it would be to try to establish info. - and the reason for that is because you are romantically interested

So, not the same.

I honestly don’t think he does know. I haven’t ever breathed a word of this to anyone, nor have I said anything to him

I understand this OP. Not sure you can do anything about it, but enjoy it secretly and tell no-one.

Most people don't need to be told by someone's friends/acquaintances that someone fancies them.

It's obvious to most people.

You really need to quote who you’re replying to OP, otherwise it makes no sense

Sorry it was this comment I was trying to reply to. Wondered what makes you think there’s mutual attraction🫣

How on earth can you know that based on what’s been said? I can’t see anything to suggest that.

I dont see why it couldn't happen? Not now obviously, but he's not going to be your son's teacher forever. Also, why shouldn't you be having such feelings in your 30s? You're still young, enjoy them.

I would say enjoy the crush then maybe when he's not your son's teacher anymore you could spark up a conversation somehow. Good luck!

How on earth can you know that based on what’s been said? I can’t see anything to suggest that.

Yeah, it's totally unclear whether he's attracted/interested.

I don't know how anyone could establish that.

And the fact is that people who are very attracted to someone/crushing on someone - tend to project.

This a bit, sorry OP. Maybe it will become more obvious if he does like you as time goes on but looking at you and extra parents evenings is definitely NOT a sign of attraction from a school teacher. This goes for @westisbest1982 too for encouraging you based on this limited info.

Op, whatever happens, it sounds like you need to take a big step back.

Try to find out discreetly if he's single (it's very possible he's not) and wait til after July before you think about pursuing anything here.

@93Queen The stares and the personal questions indicates he may be attracted. Of course none of us know how he feels so I really think you need to be prepared to be a bit forward at the next parents evening e.g. “Any nice plans for the summer?”

“Any plans over the holidays” is not a personal question 😂😂

I will often ask parents this - it’s a way of building a good, professional relationship to show interest in the child’s family.

I’m sorry but that sounds like normal parent-teacher interactions. Our school also arranges extra meetings and go out of their way, if need be.

How are you reading differently into this?

crushes are funny things, they just happen for no reason and we all get them at any time in life and it’s totally fine because it’s absolutely normal. Most people internalise it and just learn to enjoy the cheap thrills all to theirselves before it inevitably wears off and we are very glad that nothing ever came of it!

I think because you’re single it complicates your feeling a bit. You may be at danger of seeing something that isn’t there and having the hots for a kids teacher is quite a cliched thing, and really you probably don’t want to go there.

Enjoy the butterflies, you may be over it by Christmas anyway! Get yourself out dating again and have some attainable fun.

Op thinks he "stared".

We don't know that it was actually staring.

Op is also very attracted to him/excited by him and may be seeing insignificant looks/observation as stares.

The "personal question" was a typical, polite, conversational question..... You couldn't be certain there was any particular interest or info seeking behind it.