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Original poster

Crushing so badly on my sons primary school teacher.

398 replies

93Queen · 30/03/2025 08:35

Ok so before anyone jumps on me for this, I KNOW how wrong and inappropriate this is. My son started in his class in September and from the moment I first clapped eyes on this man, I couldn’t help but find him extremely attractive. I’m not with anyone by the way and haven’t been for a few years now. Just recently, I think I’m seeing things that just aren’t there and it won’t go away. We had a meeting in school recently, and I’m not joking when I say the chemistry is real! For me obviously, not him. It’s all one sided. Anyway, as I walked to the school, my heart was racing and I’ve never felt ‘butterflies’ as bad as that before. As I waited in the reception area of the school, I could see him staring at me through the glass whilst he was quickly getting himself a drink. I also saw him give me a quick stare as he walked into the office. As I said, I know this is wrong but I can’t help the way this man makes me feel. I’m not sure if he’s in a relationship, all I know is, he’s the same age as me but doesn’t yet have any children. How do I stop this ridiculous behaviour of mine? It’s an embarrassment feeling this way in my 30s! He has also invited me in for an additional parents evening, that was just before Christmas, but again, I know all of these things are just him being nice and a lovely teacher. Even if he did find me attractive, how would I know? Is there any body language or anything I can look out for? Reason I ask is I’m pretty sure there’s another parents evening coming up soon, and I just wondered how he would act whilst siting directly opposite me if he was to find me attractive too. Thank you for reading if you got to the end and sorry for rambling on.

OP posts:
Original poster
93Queen · 02/04/2025 20:48

outerspacepotato · 02/04/2025 20:36

That's good to hear. You're putting your son ahead of your feelings of an intense crush.

Could the intensity of your crush be pointing at something you feel lacking in your life? You're a single mom of two and with special needs involved, there's even less downtime. Do you have any friends that could watch your kids while you go out and do something you've always thought about doing but never have done? (I don't recommend skydiving, I survived but sprained my ankle).

I’m really not sure if I’m honest. I’ve been single now for over 6 years; never been interested in meeting someone else during this time. My previous relationship was absolutely awful with DV involved, so as you can imagine I didn’t want another man coming into the home around my children for that reason. 6 years on, I finally feel ready to move forward with someone else, and then bam, I go and get this intense crush on someone who’s probably not ideal under the circumstances (being my sons teacher and all that). In the last 6 years though, he has been the only person I’ve shown an interest in. My children are getting older and although they will always need me due to their needs, I just feel like I need a life of my own as well. I spend most of my time either at work with my children there who I teach who are additional needs, and then I go home to my actual children also additional needs, so there’s no break really

OP posts:
Alwaystired23 · 02/04/2025 21:31

Will your son still be in the school after this school year? I know you said he won't be directly teaching your son but you'll still have to see him.

Original poster
93Queen · 02/04/2025 21:45

Alwaystired23 · 02/04/2025 21:31

Will your son still be in the school after this school year? I know you said he won't be directly teaching your son but you'll still have to see him.

Yes he will still be there. I won’t really see him at all as I don’t do school runs anyway due to work and my little boy will have a new teacher in September

OP posts:
Thatsthebottomline · 03/04/2025 10:17

93Queen · 02/04/2025 18:41

Whilst I fully appreciate everything you’ve just said, if this man is single, why is it deemed so inappropriate for him to have a life of his own outside of work? I’m not saying anything will happen, the guy probably doesn’t even know that I’ve got a crush on him. But IF he did ever want to, why is it so wrong? It shouldn’t matter who’s mum I am, he’s entitled to a life outside of his work. I too am a teacher and whilst I accept that I shouldn’t really get involved with any of the dads of children that I teach, if one ever was interested in me and I felt the same why, why should I not be allowed to go for it? It’s a ridiculous rule if you ask me. As long as it’s not brought into school, and it’s not around the children etc, then I honestly don’t see the problem. I also know friends of mine who have children in the same school as my son, and they have teachers of their children on their social media.

Show quote history

He is allowed a life outside of work, he just has to be careful about it. If he values his career he will think very carefully about any relationships outside of work that could be viewed as a conflict of interest. Any child that he has taught I would consider that to be totally inappropriate.

It is the same for women in schools ? Absolutely not. Equal opportunities doesn’t really exist and it certainly hasn’t in some primary schools I’ve been to. Oh, but you say, it’s 2025 people have moved on……I dont think so.

Say Im a 40 year old man and my 6 year old is going to Y1 and I quite fancy his teacher. Im quite sure that any romantic advance would be met with a restraining order and disdain at the school gate because i must be a “wrong un” an “you cant be too sure”.

Bignanna · 03/04/2025 14:17

OP without trawling through all the posts, do you still not know if this man is single? If he is married, you’ve been wasting hours of your precious time fantasising about him!

Original poster
93Queen · 03/04/2025 16:35

Bignanna · 03/04/2025 14:17

OP without trawling through all the posts, do you still not know if this man is single? If he is married, you’ve been wasting hours of your precious time fantasising about him!

Edited

I’m assuming he’s not married because he doesn’t have a ring on, but then I also know that doesn’t 100% mean he isn’t. As for whether he has a partner or not, I don’t know and I’ve got no way of finding out really. Obviously if I did ask him if he fancies getting a coffee in the summer when my sons left his class and he was to say no due to already having a partner, then I would leave well alone and not contact him again.

OP posts:
StrawberryDream24 · 03/04/2025 16:41

westisbest1982 · 02/04/2025 13:39

This man wouldn’t be “enjoying it”, in my experience he would be considering this inappropriate, especially as it is the parent of a child being taught.

Oh give over with your silly hysteria / pearl-clutching. He will be used to many mums (possibly even the odd dad) asking him out or hitting on him.

A hysterical, pearl clutching bloke?

Learn to read.

westisbest1982 · 03/04/2025 17:15

StrawberryDream24 · 03/04/2025 16:41

A hysterical, pearl clutching bloke?

Learn to read.

Show quote history

Learn to think outside of stereotypes.

Overhaul54 · 03/04/2025 17:21

He doesn’t even know I have a crush and I’ve got no plans to tell him.

So what was all the staring about? Men aren't stupid ...they are clocking potentials as much as we are.
And you do have plans to tell him.

Men get with women who they like regardless of circumstances ...The King and Camilla Harry and Meghan, Jude Law and the nanny etc etc. Don't think for a second that if he fancied you enough he would be put off by you being a school mum...he'd find a way.

CantStopMoving · 03/04/2025 17:52

Overhaul54 · 03/04/2025 17:21

He doesn’t even know I have a crush and I’ve got no plans to tell him.

So what was all the staring about? Men aren't stupid ...they are clocking potentials as much as we are.
And you do have plans to tell him.

Men get with women who they like regardless of circumstances ...The King and Camilla Harry and Meghan, Jude Law and the nanny etc etc. Don't think for a second that if he fancied you enough he would be put off by you being a school mum...he'd find a way.

Not if he wanted to keep his job he wouldn’t. It is way riskier for a teacher to ask a parent out than a parent to ask a teacher out.

Original poster
93Queen · 03/04/2025 18:03

Overhaul54 · 03/04/2025 17:21

He doesn’t even know I have a crush and I’ve got no plans to tell him.

So what was all the staring about? Men aren't stupid ...they are clocking potentials as much as we are.
And you do have plans to tell him.

Men get with women who they like regardless of circumstances ...The King and Camilla Harry and Meghan, Jude Law and the nanny etc etc. Don't think for a second that if he fancied you enough he would be put off by you being a school mum...he'd find a way.

When I say I’ve got no plans to tell him, I meant as in tell him right now, because I know he wouldn’t be able to do that. In the summer holidays, who knows I may finally stop acting like a chicken and do it. If he says no, or says he with someone, then at least I know and I can forget the whole thing without regretting the thing I didn’t do. As for the staring, I don’t actually know why he would have been doing that, but I guess it could have been for a number of reasons and I should probably stop over thinking things. Like this morning for example, I stood and chatted with him for a bit outside the classroom, obviously it was all about my little boy. If this guy did like me he’s making it difficult for me to know🫣 when he speaks to me, he just looks at me as you would with anyone else, looking straight in their eyes. I guess he has to stay professional at work though so nothing would happen there but who knows in the holidays as I said. Either way, if he is taken or not interested, I’ll be happy knowing I was brave enough to go for it 😊 nothing ventured and all that

OP posts:
Bignanna · 03/04/2025 18:39

93Queen · 03/04/2025 16:35

I’m assuming he’s not married because he doesn’t have a ring on, but then I also know that doesn’t 100% mean he isn’t. As for whether he has a partner or not, I don’t know and I’ve got no way of finding out really. Obviously if I did ask him if he fancies getting a coffee in the summer when my sons left his class and he was to say no due to already having a partner, then I would leave well alone and not contact him again.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t assume that as most men don’t wear wedding rings!
There must be a way of finding out and putting yourself out of your misery!

Original poster
93Queen · 03/04/2025 19:00

Bignanna · 03/04/2025 18:39

I wouldn’t assume that as most men don’t wear wedding rings!
There must be a way of finding out and putting yourself out of your misery!

Show quote history

I guess the only way is waiting until the summer holidays and then asking him if he’d like to grab a coffee. If he says no then there’s my answer, he’s either taken already or just generally not interested and then I can leave things as they are and forget the whole thing

OP posts:
kungfoofighting · 03/04/2025 21:56

CantStopMoving · 03/04/2025 17:52

Not if he wanted to keep his job he wouldn’t. It is way riskier for a teacher to ask a parent out than a parent to ask a teacher out.

Show quote history

Particularly a male teacher asking a mum out, I should think.

Illegally18 · 03/04/2025 22:16

93Queen · 30/03/2025 08:35

Ok so before anyone jumps on me for this, I KNOW how wrong and inappropriate this is. My son started in his class in September and from the moment I first clapped eyes on this man, I couldn’t help but find him extremely attractive. I’m not with anyone by the way and haven’t been for a few years now. Just recently, I think I’m seeing things that just aren’t there and it won’t go away. We had a meeting in school recently, and I’m not joking when I say the chemistry is real! For me obviously, not him. It’s all one sided. Anyway, as I walked to the school, my heart was racing and I’ve never felt ‘butterflies’ as bad as that before. As I waited in the reception area of the school, I could see him staring at me through the glass whilst he was quickly getting himself a drink. I also saw him give me a quick stare as he walked into the office. As I said, I know this is wrong but I can’t help the way this man makes me feel. I’m not sure if he’s in a relationship, all I know is, he’s the same age as me but doesn’t yet have any children. How do I stop this ridiculous behaviour of mine? It’s an embarrassment feeling this way in my 30s! He has also invited me in for an additional parents evening, that was just before Christmas, but again, I know all of these things are just him being nice and a lovely teacher. Even if he did find me attractive, how would I know? Is there any body language or anything I can look out for? Reason I ask is I’m pretty sure there’s another parents evening coming up soon, and I just wondered how he would act whilst siting directly opposite me if he was to find me attractive too. Thank you for reading if you got to the end and sorry for rambling on.

No, it's not WRONG and inappropriate. Let's get that out of the way. You can't help who you like. As for the rest, good luck OP!

Overhaul54 · 03/04/2025 22:21

CantStopMoving · 03/04/2025 17:52

Not if he wanted to keep his job he wouldn’t. It is way riskier for a teacher to ask a parent out than a parent to ask a teacher out.

Show quote history

Literally the point I was making…

If a man wants you he will 100% find a way.

If his job/wife/morals/religion/other are more important he won’t.

So the Op cracking on makes zero difference. It’s not her choice.

CantStopMoving · 03/04/2025 22:41

Overhaul54 · 03/04/2025 22:21

Literally the point I was making…

If a man wants you he will 100% find a way.

If his job/wife/morals/religion/other are more important he won’t.

So the Op cracking on makes zero difference. It’s not her choice.

Show quote history

i don’t agree with that. He could ruin his entire career over an unwanted advance.

Original poster
93Queen · 03/04/2025 22:41

Illegally18 · 03/04/2025 22:16

No, it's not WRONG and inappropriate. Let's get that out of the way. You can't help who you like. As for the rest, good luck OP!

Show quote history

Thank you so much!🫶🏻

OP posts:
Original poster
93Queen · 03/04/2025 22:41

CantStopMoving · 03/04/2025 22:41

i don’t agree with that. He could ruin his entire career over an unwanted advance.

Show quote history

It shouldn’t be like that though. If he was ever interested, it shouldn’t have to affect his job as that’s not fair. He’s entitled to a life outside of work

OP posts:
CantStopMoving · 03/04/2025 22:48

93Queen · 03/04/2025 22:41

It shouldn’t be like that though. If he was ever interested, it shouldn’t have to affect his job as that’s not fair. He’s entitled to a life outside of work

Show quote history

Yes but if he made an advance and you complained to the school then it could kill his career.

I don’t think it is wrong if you ask him out and he says yes though.

Original poster
93Queen · 03/04/2025 22:58

CantStopMoving · 03/04/2025 22:48

Yes but if he made an advance and you complained to the school then it could kill his career.

I don’t think it is wrong if you ask him out and he says yes though.

Show quote history

Yes I totally get that. Me personally I’d never complain about that, but I know not everyone is the same. I think I definitely need to be the one to do it, maybe in the summer holidays

OP posts:
BlondiePortz · 03/04/2025 23:01

93Queen · 03/04/2025 22:41

It shouldn’t be like that though. If he was ever interested, it shouldn’t have to affect his job as that’s not fair. He’s entitled to a life outside of work

Show quote history

Or he could think you are sexually harassing him, I am fully willing to admit to me you are coming across as obsessive and yes it could just be the writing style

JasmineTea11 · 03/04/2025 23:06

Stop overthinking it, find him on Facebook and say hi, short note, see what happens. Your lucky to have this option!!! But if he doesn't respond back away obviously.

Original poster
93Queen · 03/04/2025 23:32

BlondiePortz · 03/04/2025 23:01

Or he could think you are sexually harassing him, I am fully willing to admit to me you are coming across as obsessive and yes it could just be the writing style

Show quote history

He doesn’t know any of this, I’ve not said a word to him so I’d hardly say I’m sexually harassing him. If he’s interested, that’s great. If he’s not, also great. I’m not harassing anyone here 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
93Queen · 03/04/2025 23:33

JasmineTea11 · 03/04/2025 23:06

Stop overthinking it, find him on Facebook and say hi, short note, see what happens. Your lucky to have this option!!! But if he doesn't respond back away obviously.

My exact plan for the summer holidays 😊 if he doesn’t accept the add, I won’t do anything else and we won’t have to see him either as my son will be in another class 😊

OP posts:
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