Crushing so badly on my sons primary school teacher.

[93Queen]

Ok so before anyone jumps on me for this, I KNOW how wrong and inappropriate this is. My son started in his class in September and from the moment I first clapped eyes on this man, I couldn’t help but find him extremely attractive. I’m not with anyone by the way and haven’t been for a few years now. Just recently, I think I’m seeing things that just aren’t there and it won’t go away. We had a meeting in school recently, and I’m not joking when I say the chemistry is real! For me obviously, not him. It’s all one sided. Anyway, as I walked to the school, my heart was racing and I’ve never felt ‘butterflies’ as bad as that before. As I waited in the reception area of the school, I could see him staring at me through the glass whilst he was quickly getting himself a drink. I also saw him give me a quick stare as he walked into the office. As I said, I know this is wrong but I can’t help the way this man makes me feel. I’m not sure if he’s in a relationship, all I know is, he’s the same age as me but doesn’t yet have any children. How do I stop this ridiculous behaviour of mine? It’s an embarrassment feeling this way in my 30s! He has also invited me in for an additional parents evening, that was just before Christmas, but again, I know all of these things are just him being nice and a lovely teacher. Even if he did find me attractive, how would I know? Is there any body language or anything I can look out for? Reason I ask is I’m pretty sure there’s another parents evening coming up soon, and I just wondered how he would act whilst siting directly opposite me if he was to find me attractive too. Thank you for reading if you got to the end and sorry for rambling on.

It's sounds pretty shallow to me at the moment. Lust at first sight isn't really a good foundation for a relationship imo, do you know anything about him? Have you ever had a conversation about anything personal? If you don't know anything about his life, family, beliefs, sense of humour etc outside of purely professional interactions this all feels a bit odd to be so smitten. Is there any opportunity for you to just chat to him normally and see how the conversation goes?

No married man I know wears a wedding ring. Its not such a thing in the UK is it?

Being a chicken I think that would be my preferred option, a thank you card, leave your number and a 'love to get coffee together sometime, let me know if you are free' or some such. Then the vallnis in his court and if he ignores it you never have to look him in the eye ever again 🤣.
Although if you are in the same profession treading with caution would seem wise, you never know when you might end up working together in the future?

I don’t know a single married man who doesn’t. I’d think these days they are a minority.

But surely any relationship starts with, I fancy you wanna go on a date with me? You have a have a bit of lust to want to go on the first date surely? And how does internet dating work if you have to know the person before you go on the first date?

Op - and if he is married?

Maybe because I know mostly people with physical jobs! People who work with machinery and like having all 10 fingers don't wear rings.

As far as the OP goes Its a rubbish way of telling if someone is in a relationship though, plenty of people have LTR with children who don't marry, doesn't mean they are available.

of course it isn’t a signal either way as to any relationship status but wouldn’t that be solved with ‘fancy going for coffee?’ ‘Ah I’m flattered but I’m actually in the relationship so will have to decline’. And then the OP moves on. No drama.

I KNOW how wrong and inappropriate this is

For me obviously, not him. It’s all one sided.*

and yet then it became gazing at you, and you definitely getting the vibe the feeling is mutual, and and nothing “wrong” or “inappropriate”. Infact, you are a a teacher and you’d go for it despite thinking it is “wrong and inappropriate.

Odd

Go for it op- all of the negative commenters on here are probably in mundane marriages with men they settled for. Even if he does have a partner, it doesn't mean that the connection isn't real- many men don't realise that they're not that happy with their partner until they meet someone else/the real right person. If they're not married, they're fair game AFAIC.

I can't offer any advice but OP I am rooting for you! Good luck and please update us with how it goes 😊

I know there aren’t many men who work in a primary school, but as i do perhaps I can help you with some of this ? I’ve spent 25 years looking after children predominantly in primary schools with some SEN included. I’m qualified, experienced and very proud of what, for me, is the best job in the world. Nowadays you’d call me pastoral care, or behavioural needs. Yes, some children throw tables at me OK.

EHCP or Education Health Care Plans to give them their full title are there to support children who need a help within the school setting . They are really quite a lot of effort and require you to jump through any number of hoops. Spending two hours talking about one does not strike me as at all unusual, in fact, in some cases that not long at all. Nothing noteworthy at all really.

In the school setting, there is absolutely no chance of me jeopardising my career on women I meet that are connected to the school. I wouldn’t dream of giving people the opportunity to cast aspersions on my professional ability. I also don’t date women with children I have worked with even in the past. There are no children in the past on my facebook list, even though these children are now adults approaching 30 in some cases. These are my non negotiables. The risks are too high, and I set my standards high.

This man wouldn’t be “enjoying it”, in my experience he would be considering this inappropriate, especially as it is the parent of a child being taught. I cannot thinking of anything worse really. Men who work in schools who I know feel the same as me in that you have to be very careful how you conduct yourself in and out of your school. Mud sticks and nobody is interested in your reputation.

I have read that you wouldn’t do anything whilst he’s at school, which is good, but if he’s anything like me Im not looking for anything romantic at work. I’m focussed on giving everything I have for looking after my children, giving my boys the role model they so badly lack sometimes.

Best job in the world, like i say.

This man wouldn’t be “enjoying it”, in my experience he would be considering this inappropriate, especially as it is the parent of a child being taught.

Oh give over with your silly hysteria / pearl-clutching. He will be used to many mums (possibly even the odd dad) asking him out or hitting on him.

What evidence are you basing that on exactly ? Do you have more experience than I do or something ?

How many years have you worked in schools ? Are you a male thats spent 25 years in a female dominated work place ?

I suspect not.

This is rude.

You have zero idea how careful teachers have to be. You’re only interested in cheering the OP on, regardless. I have no idea why.

Whilst I fully appreciate everything you’ve just said, if this man is single, why is it deemed so inappropriate for him to have a life of his own outside of work? I’m not saying anything will happen, the guy probably doesn’t even know that I’ve got a crush on him. But IF he did ever want to, why is it so wrong? It shouldn’t matter who’s mum I am, he’s entitled to a life outside of his work. I too am a teacher and whilst I accept that I shouldn’t really get involved with any of the dads of children that I teach, if one ever was interested in me and I felt the same why, why should I not be allowed to go for it? It’s a ridiculous rule if you ask me. As long as it’s not brought into school, and it’s not around the children etc, then I honestly don’t see the problem. I also know friends of mine who have children in the same school as my son, and they have teachers of their children on their social media.

Maybe it's not a problem to the school or him.

But you need to let "the chemistry" come from him. You have a major crush and you have two kids one of whom has more needs than average. You need to take care more than most.

He cracks on to you ...go for it. If he doesn't then he's not for you or your kids. I predict the Ops next line is "It could be just "fun" and see where it goes , no one needs to get hurt.

Probably because it’s a conflict of interest. Part of the job of a primary teacher is safeguarding. It’s difficult to do that effectively if you are developing personal relationships with the parents.

"Oh give over with your silly hysteria / pearl-clutching. He will be used to many mums (possibly even the odd dad) asking him out or hitting on him."

He shouldn't have to get used to harassment by parents in his workplace. It's rude and it's not appropriate.

Have you ever heard the expression don't shit where you eat? Well, don't shit where your kids eat either. That means don't do things that could make a place they have to be all the time uncomfortable for them. Don't hit on their teachers. Don't hit on their friends' parents.

I can safely say I have never harassed this man, nor would I ever behave in such a way. He doesn’t even know I have a crush and I’ve got no plans to tell him. My original plan was to possibly wait until the end of the year and then go from there but I don’t even know anymore after all these comments. Part of me says go for it you don’t know if you don’t try, and if he’s not single then at least I can walk away saying I tried and not wonder what may have happened. The other part of me says leave it alone, he won’t ever go for you given the circumstances. But anyway, I wouldn’t harass or make things awkward for any of us

That's good to hear. You're putting your son ahead of your feelings of an intense crush.

Could the intensity of your crush be pointing at something you feel lacking in your life? You're a single mom of two and with special needs involved, there's even less downtime. Do you have any friends that could watch your kids while you go out and do something you've always thought about doing but never have done? (I don't recommend skydiving, I survived but sprained my ankle).

I always think, OP, with things like this, if I don’t do it, how would I feel afterwards? If I know I’m going to regret not doing it, then that makes me think I should do. Life’s too short and all that.

I just know I will regret it if I don’t do it. But the only way of me trying is by waiting until the end of the year and then seeing if he would possibly accept me on social media? I mean no one would really know if he did, and this way, if I do that and he doesn’t accept, I’ve got my answer and I never have to see him again