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Original poster

Found condoms...I have had Mirena for 11 + years

309 replies

noideaoffuturenow · 25/03/2025 17:38

So...I've had a Mirena in situ for 11+ years. Cleaning today-opened a random, unused cupboard (up v high & hard to reach) in the laundry room. Found a box..in it were a few of DH unworn Christmas jumpers, a tin of receipts and random objects inc a paper bag of 8 Skyn black packet condoms. UB 10/2026. Never ever known DH to use these even when we did use condoms. Many years ago....
Feel sick to my stomach.
What would you think?

OP posts:
GarlicStyle · 26/03/2025 02:47

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/03/2025 23:38

I’d ask him. You used them once upon a time. They have long use by dates. Could be innocent.

You’ll know by his reaction.

This is a guy who doesn't even share his Netflix password with his wife! I'm very confident that "Just ask him" is utterly useless advice here.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 26/03/2025 02:59

2JFDIYOLO · 26/03/2025 00:49

There's the outside possibility they're a teenagers' - but why wouldn't they put them in their own room, probably hidden? Why in yours where they'd have to go in and retrieve them?

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's a duck.

Count them. Put them back and count them again after he's been away etc. Take a photo of where they are and see if they look the same next time you look.

Start digging. Go through his messy office and examine everything. Especially bank & credit card statements for anything odd, receipts, etc.

Or you could just ask him.

He'll lie. If he's bad at it, you'll know. If he's good at it you'll doubt yourself and think you're going nuts. And then he'll know you know - and will be super careful.

OP posted that they were found in the laundry room, not in her room?

DeepRoseFish · 26/03/2025 03:07

He didn’t use these when you did use condoms so yes he’s probably for someone else.

Franjipanl8r · 26/03/2025 03:07

If they were in a bag with handwritten exp date on they could easily just be a free handout from a clinic. Just ask him.

MeTooOverHere · 26/03/2025 03:10

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/03/2025 23:38

I’d ask him. You used them once upon a time. They have long use by dates. Could be innocent.

You’ll know by his reaction.

They don't have 11 year "use by" dates.

DeepRoseFish · 26/03/2025 03:16

Just ask him is terrible advice.

If he’s been to get checked over for an STI then I’d assume the worst. He’s been using prostitutes.

MeTooOverHere · 26/03/2025 03:20

fluffyblanky · 26/03/2025 00:05

Maybe call his bluff and say you had a routine ‘coil check’ and have been referred to a STI clinic and have been told to provide any possibility of sleeping with a partner tested for an STI.

Better yet, call his bluff and say you had a routine ‘coil check’ and have been referred to a specialist for a full investigation. "It's complicated and they need to run a full panel of tests".

I wouldn't mention partner tested for an STI, because that will ring alarm bells for him.

MeTooOverHere · 26/03/2025 03:22

Franjipanl8r · 26/03/2025 03:07

If they were in a bag with handwritten exp date on they could easily just be a free handout from a clinic. Just ask him.

You can't see why this is bad advice?
"Have you been getting condoms from a sexual health clinic?"

OssieShowman · 26/03/2025 03:43

Do not ask him over the phone.
Ask him face to face, when he least expects it. You will know!

commonsense61 · 26/03/2025 03:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Notsosure1 · 26/03/2025 04:14

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/03/2025 22:45

I am going to save you some time.

I have been on this earth for almost 52 years and been on MN for over 20 of those.

It will be what you think it is. It wont be any of the excuses some will come up with to try and excuse it, it wont be a posh wank or left as a joke from a stag weekend. It means what it is, he is having or has had sex and using/used them.

Personally I would leave them where they are. Check them weekly and keep an eye on his behaviour. Have a think about past behaviour. And decide whether you would prefer to turn a blind eye, and if not, make your plans.

Show quote history

Also - take photographs. Record how many there are with a time stamp so that if the number goes down you can prove it. Some men are very adept at telling you you’re wrong - it was always that number, or whatever, so you need visual evidence that no, you are not mad or over-reacting or whatever else he throws at you. Good luck

JitterbugFairy · 26/03/2025 05:48

DeepRoseFish · 26/03/2025 03:16

Just ask him is terrible advice.

If he’s been to get checked over for an STI then I’d assume the worst. He’s been using prostitutes.

Why do you assume prostitutes? People can catch STIs from an affair.

I'm sorry OP. It doesn't look good 😔

backoncrack · 26/03/2025 05:59

I’d assume at some point he has cheated on you. You need to sit him down and ask him. He will either deny all knowledge or say you two used them at x point.
You could also ask to check his phone, he will either agree (unlikely) or refuse and accuse you of not trusting him (it’s reasonable you don’t trust him given you have found condoms)
Or try to find out his phone password another way and snoop when hes sleeping.

But the likelihood is you will have to make a judgement call on wether you trust him/are willing to let this go

Laundrybasket11 · 26/03/2025 06:24

Just ask him face to face and say..why have you got condoms. See how he reacts..

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 26/03/2025 06:29

noideaoffuturenow · 25/03/2025 22:31

Mainecoon-check out what? He does not share his location/passwords. He has always refused to share his phone & everything inc Netflix is PW protected. He does have an office which I have a key to, but its' chaos.

You don't have access to his Netflix account?

Redruby2020 · 26/03/2025 06:42

noideaoffuturenow · 25/03/2025 19:51

He's away for work...want to speak to him in person. We have issues-don't we all, though? I do feel like he has a life outside of family life, he comes and goes a lot and uses work as his excuse. He was supposed to sort counselling at least twice in recent years. Never has...
And he always want more sex than he gets.
But none of the above is unique in a 20+ year marriage I'm guessing. I'm trying to remember if my previous coil had run out during Covid...I vaguely remember something about this...but my memory is really crap.
I'm not sure why condoms would have been in a white paper bag, with EXP date and SN written on the outside of the bag though. Or why they've been secreted. He has a bedside table, but we have 4 kids and our youngest is in our room a lot.

Well now you have said that, about the exp date etc on the outside of the bag. That does suggest to me they have come from a clinic to me.

pinkcow123 · 26/03/2025 06:42

How old are your children? The paper bag suggests they are free from a place like a sexual health clinic.

Often given out free for teenagers?

Redruby2020 · 26/03/2025 06:45

Flippertygibbets · 25/03/2025 20:13

Gently, OP, you may have another issue here. Nobody with 4 kids and a job is so time rich and cash poor as to go and get free condoms from a clinic to have their affairs. You can buy them for a few quid. But they are given after clinic treatment.

You need an STD check up.

You can go in and get some from clinics I'm sure, considering it's all about prevention. But yes if he just wanted to get some, he would have bought from elsewhere I'm thinking.
So yes they could have been offered or asked for at a clinic appointment.

Gymbunny2025 · 26/03/2025 06:49

The absolute youngest age the oldest could be is 15? But even then seems unlikely to have 4 kids with no break so probably older?

I actually think a lot of your DH behaviour does sound a bit ‘off’ (not sharing his Netflix pw even?!) but I still don’t think these condoms suggest an affair. It’s just too blasé of him. And with 4 teens in the house my first thought would be one of them?!

Chenecinquantecinq · 26/03/2025 06:56

LollyLand · 25/03/2025 18:32

Since they were with a Christmas jumper I’m wondering if he was given them from a secret santa. He’s came home and chucked them all in the laundry and forgot.

It was very common to do those type of gifts at one workplace.

Yes I thought this too. I do worry about this place and some of the advice on here. I imagine quite a few perfectly healthy relationships have been ended due to MN advice. There is quite a lot of vitriol on here where randoms on the internet seem to take pleasure in telling other randoms their partners are cheating. Weird.

Enicks86 · 26/03/2025 07:04

SN could stand for school nurse.
How old are your children?
These could have been given to them if they had asked. Usually in a plain bag.

SCWS · 26/03/2025 07:06

DeepRoseFish · 26/03/2025 03:16

Just ask him is terrible advice.

If he’s been to get checked over for an STI then I’d assume the worst. He’s been using prostitutes.

That’s a tad of a leap isn’t it 😂

SCWS · 26/03/2025 07:09

MeTooOverHere · 26/03/2025 03:22

You can't see why this is bad advice?
"Have you been getting condoms from a sexual health clinic?"

Show quote history

Some of us feel able and confident to “just ask”.

Not the same for everyone, but lots of others would feel able to do this.

bouncydog · 26/03/2025 07:13

Teens could have got them from a clinic and then put them in the box hoping parents wouldn’t find them. Potentially less risky than hiding them in their room particularly if mum goes in there regularly putting things away!

Twobigbabies · 26/03/2025 07:18

If he's been having an affair for 2+ years he will be a good liar and will likely deny everything. I would prioritise searching the office while he's away. If it's messy he might have been careless and left some more evidence lying around or passwords. Does he have sensitive skin/latex allergy? Those condoms are latex free. SN could mean sensitive. Definitely from an sti clinic. Perhaps something happened at a Christmas party. No way someone would buy expensive condoms take them out of the packet and put them in a paper bag for a secret santa that's just a daft idea. Really sorry. Hope they belong to one of your children.