Found condoms...I have had Mirena for 11 + years

[noideaoffuturenow]

So...I've had a Mirena in situ for 11+ years. Cleaning today-opened a random, unused cupboard (up v high & hard to reach) in the laundry room. Found a box..in it were a few of DH unworn Christmas jumpers, a tin of receipts and random objects inc a paper bag of 8 Skyn black packet condoms. UB 10/2026. Never ever known DH to use these even when we did use condoms. Many years ago....
Feel sick to my stomach.
What would you think?

I agree with this. Dont show your hand just yet. There are a lot of us who did and paid the price.

First of all think about what you want.

If you want your marriage to continue come what may then digging will not be for you. You will almost certainly find things you dont want to know.

But if you would end the marriage then you will need the advice of the very clever women on here who did the digging and found the evidence they needed for their peace of mind. Cheaters never admit it, so its not about confronting him, but just so that you know it wasnt anything you did.

It's as though you're expecting OP to be a human lie detector machine.

And what if he's a really good liar?

Jesus men are so stupid. Watch and wait OP watch and you decide if you want a divorce. I agree with @PyongyangKipperbang its
exactly what you think/ fear. Let’s say he was given a silly secret Santa gift while wearing one of those ridiculous jumpers. Any reasonable (not smart not forward thinking not deeply honest just reasonable) man would leave the damn things at work or bring them straight home to you and say look at this secret Santa bullshit. I also think they would be in some holiday gift wrap. They were tossed up there because that was a convenient spot. So careless. Take time and find out what is going on now.

There isn't any legit reason for him to have them is there? You already say he uses work as an excuse to have a life outside the home.

That sounds to me like you're already suspecting something, before the condoms were found.

Unless you have teenagers and for some reason they stashed them there.

You need to speak to him obviously. But maybe be wary of blowing things up before you make sure you have your finances in order. And a solicitor?
Presuming infidelity is a deal breaker. He may try and hide money or assets if you give him 'notice' he's been found out.

I’d ask him. You used them once upon a time. They have long use by dates. Could be innocent.

You’ll know by his reaction.

I wouldn't ask, it's too easy for him to lie and you'd wonder forever.
1- how old are your kids? Any possibility they are theirs?
2- Put everything back and wait. Count the condoms and check periodically to see if anything changes.
3- get an sti check for yourself.
4- invent an excuse to not have unprotected sex with him for a while.

Oh, and have you checked the receipts?

Onlyvisiting · Today 23:44
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I wouldn't ask, it's too easy for him to lie and you'd wonder forever.

Don’t you know if your partner/husband is lying?

I thought I did for 15 years.

Until he lied really well.

He's now XH

Some are easier to spot than others. My exH was a terrible liar, always tried it though, was pathetic to witness. Other people I have known can lie with a breathtaking throwaway believability that it borders on sociopathy. And you dont know, until you know and then.......

Sounds like he’s had a sexual health check and possibly told to use condoms whilst waiting for results to protect his partner. But why would he have had the sexual health check in the first place?

You can order a comprehensive home test now from places like Letsgetchecked.co.uk and I think I would do this if I were you.

When are the receipts dated, and do they show anything suspicious?

I was thinking similar. Or has he been on any stag parties in the last year or two? Could be some sort of joke thing for the stag…..

I think it’s obvious he was sleeping around . I’m really sorry but I doubt there is a plausible explanation

Wise words, sadly.

Maybe call his bluff and say you had a routine ‘coil check’ and have been referred to a STI clinic and have been told to provide any possibility of sleeping with a partner tested for an STI.

Although it might be odd in this situation. When I heard paper bag, I thought of them being from a sexual health clinic/etc. Because I know they give condoms in little paper bags.

Why on earth would he have needed to go to a sexual health clinic if he hadn't been shagging someone other than his wife?

Well if it was that easy then no-one would ever get cheated on would they?

The paper bag does sound like a sexual health clinic.

I've never known one to give out Skyn's though - they're expensive. Most sexual health clinics give out Pasante or Durex.

The only time I've known Skyns be given out was a pop up clinic at a swingers club.

OP you seem to be ignoring questions about how old your kids are.

They must be at least 11?

The fact you've jumped straight to 'affair' when you've got a bunch of pubescent children makes me think you have other good reasons for suspecting him.

But if you have any boys in particular, do consider that they have bought some at some point, for a joke or for their real purpose, and had to stash them somewhere silly when they heard someone coming.

Onlyvisiting · Today 00:13

MrsSkylerWhite · Yesterday 23:48
Onlyvisiting · Today 23:44
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I wouldn't ask, it's too easy for him to lie and you'd wonder forever.

Don’t you know if your partner/husband is lying?

Well if it was that easy then no-one would ever get cheated on would they

I find it odd that you don’t know the person you live with well enough to know whether they’re lying to you.

There's the outside possibility they're a teenagers' - but why wouldn't they put them in their own room, probably hidden? Why in yours where they'd have to go in and retrieve them?

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's a duck.

Count them. Put them back and count them again after he's been away etc. Take a photo of where they are and see if they look the same next time you look.

Start digging. Go through his messy office and examine everything. Especially bank & credit card statements for anything odd, receipts, etc.

Or you could just ask him.

He'll lie. If he's bad at it, you'll know. If he's good at it you'll doubt yourself and think you're going nuts. And then he'll know you know - and will be super careful.

So did I, until I realised he had been lying all along and I had been kidded from day one. I was naive. Take from that what you will.

I was asked a few years ago why I am so cynical and I replied that life had never given me a reason not to be.

I’d do this too . Put them back and take a photo of how many are in the bag. Then check periodically and take a photo if any are missing. I’d check the receipts too and do the same take photos of any ones that are suspicious. He’ll deny so you have to play the long game and get your evidence. I’d be looking in his office too. As he is away from the home with work this shouldn’t be a problem to do. I’m sorry OP.

Similar to a previous poster, my ex was a terrible liar apart from the lies he told to cover his affair. He was very convincing

My ex found condoms in my room before but I had them way before our relationship... Do you think that's a possibility? Just condoms he had lying around before?
When did you last check this cupboard?