Found condoms...I have had Mirena for 11 + years

[noideaoffuturenow]

So...I've had a Mirena in situ for 11+ years. Cleaning today-opened a random, unused cupboard (up v high & hard to reach) in the laundry room. Found a box..in it were a few of DH unworn Christmas jumpers, a tin of receipts and random objects inc a paper bag of 8 Skyn black packet condoms. UB 10/2026. Never ever known DH to use these even when we did use condoms. Many years ago....
Feel sick to my stomach.
What would you think?

F

Appreciate that lots of people said he must be having an affair but I would just say that I've got some condoms in my bedside drawer with a BB 2028 on them. My partner and I don't use contraception, and we've been together quite a long while. I've never been unfaithful to her. So why have I got them? Honest answer: they were on special, and it gave me a thrill because they said they were specially for anal sex. I've got no intention of using them.

Honestly, men are weird. But we're not all unfaithful. Yours might be, I don't know.

I expect your instinct is spot on, it's there for a reason. However, I have one other possible random theory. I use condoms for keeping sex toys hygienic, maybe he has a fetish for something he hasn't actually told you yet. Would he be honest if you asked him, or just brush it off?

See, OP? Maybe all's not lost. He might just have a condom fetish. Maybe he took the box away so he could gaze upon it while having a special, anally-assisted posh wank 🤨

Why not?

Back in the day Skyns were regularly given out in gay bars, in small paper bags, as I recall

Oh thats just brought back a memory!

Ex step son is gay and we met him at The Village in Birmingham and both exH and I were randomly given some. Him cos the staff member assumed he was gay and when he explained he was with me I got given some too! Then we played bingo and I won a ceramic cow!

This sounds familiar - my friend went through a very similar discovery and after much more digging it transpired that her husband was using escorts/prostitutes. Do you think this could be the case, especially with his work trips?

I think you might have that the wrong way round? isn't it 5yr shelf life for non spermicide version? And 2021 would put it in line with your previous mirena expiring. Bit odd to hide them in a place where so easy for you to just stumble across them (like you have done just now). And as you've said the other stuff in the box was things he packed together during a bedroom clearout, then it's a plausible explanation that he just threw them in there at the same time as the other stuff.

The packaging sounds a bit odd though, very much like how you'd get them from a clinic. Is it possible that he went to the gp with something, and they suspected/wanted to rule out an sti, so sent him to the clap clinic, where they'd likely give him a bag of condoms straight away - even if just with the premise of something to use while awaiting the results.

The condoms alone aren't strong evidence of anything. I'd be more concerned about the other suspicious behaviour though - the secrecy etc. With him carrying on so independently and working away, gives him plenty of opportunity to cheat. None of that sounds good.

When somebody at my DH workplace gave him a candy thong he brought it home to show me and we laughed. Then D's asked if he could give it to his mate as he turned 18. If he got them from secret Santa he'd have come home and showed you.

The condoms sound like the least of your worries. He’s out living his own selfish life and his family are just there as background characters.

I imagine you have no idea what his life when ‘working away’ is actually like.

Even if he has never ever cheated in any way, your description of your relationship is so sad OP. Does he have any redeeming features?

Having read your updates @noideaoffuturenow I would NOT mention the condoms.

Look into everything and get legal advice and divorce him because he's a useless flap of skin you can well do without. Not confronting him about your find will work better for you in the long run. A cold steely approach is what is needed now, not a hot headed one that he can turn to his own advantage.

You are ahead of him and that is why the condoms are useful. You can get legal advice, get to see and make copies of all documents related to your name and get a massive ball rolling while he is blissfully ignorant, using a lawyer that will unravel the finances and get you a good deal.

Win.

Agree with others OP. You sound epic. Divorce will be but a blip on your otherwise amazing life, should you choose that path.

Your discovery, not sure the condoms are hidden as such or twrrible on their own, but add context ie the idea they're from a clinic.... Not so great.

Get in that office and get busy. Take your time because I think what you will find will both surprise you and horrify you. But you are stronger than you think and anger will soon start to drive you.

Good luck OP xx

Ask him, either when he gets back from his business trip or over the telephone if you cannot wait that long. You need to know why he has these condoms stashed away and if he blusters, you'll realise he's been cheating. I do hope not of course but you must find out and the only way is to ask.

If he is you can start organising yourself to leave.

This is so hard for you and I am sorry.

(I'm also sorry that I don't know what you meant by being on 'AL', I did google but there was no relevant explanation.)

I think AL stands for Annual Leave (i.e. from work).

This is probably the likely scenario

Soooo, spoke to my GP surgery today. I did have a period of time with an out of date Mirena due to Covid...but it was 2020 and from recollection I was on the pill during that timeframe. I had a replacement coil in April 2021. The SN on the condoms suggests they were manufactured in 2021 according to my googling (I will check again).
So it's not looking good.

Do you actually need an excuse and a reason? If you want to carry on being married to him, Carry on being married to him.
If you do not, you don’t need any justification in the world for it. You can just decide that it’s done and that is that. There doesn’t need to be condoms in Day out of date. Doing the mental gymnastics. It just wastes time and energy that you could be directing to literally anything else in your life that would be more productive.

Whatever your dates and those of the condoms, the lifestyle he leads and yours are so different you are in different worlds. As you don’t know where his is or what he is doing, still sort out all the papers you can find. In case other words get your ducks in a row and wait calmly till you are ready and feel capable to live the life you want to lead.

Why are you pissing about with finding out dates on condoms when you've already written a massive post about how much of a useless wanker he is, even when he's not shagging other people? You don't need any more justification.

Just get rid ASAP and make sure you take him for all he's worth.

If it was all innocent why would he have got them from a clinic? Surely that’s way more embarrassing than just grabbing a packet from Boots, unless he had another reason for going to the clinic.

OP said the condoms could possibly have been bought while she was waiting to have the coil changed. He may have been advised to get them from a clinic while they waited.

You need to bite the bullet and get tested.

@noideaoffuturenow

You're allowing yourself to focus on one issue to avoid looking at the big picture of your marriage.