To think this message absolutely does equal a dumping ?

[Passengerseatisopen]

Together just over two years. We don’t live together (by choice we both have older children).

Spend two or three nights a week seeing each other, stay over one or two nights every few weeks.

Spent the night together last week, no issues, great night together. The next day chatting away as normal and then I get a message saying he “has a lot on and so could we not see each other for the next 8 weeks”. I’m not sure what you’re supposed to say to that? To me it’s a soft dumping. I didn’t respond and an hour later had a message asking if I was ok.

I was at work so couldn’t call but just said “look not sure how you meant that message to land but sounds very much like you don’t want to see me anymore; if that’s the case then I don’t really know what else you want me to say, I’m not going to be messed around etc etc”.

He messaged back saying “you sound annoyed today?!”

I’ve ignored and we haven’t spoken for two days.

I can’t wrap my head around it

Hair transplant?!

I'm sorry but as 2 adults in a relationships for 2 years surely you need to talk?

He sounds an idiot but you don't have to stoop to his level of silly communication.

Surely you need to reply and say 'We need to talk this over face to face. How about Friday evening at 7pm'

He's trying to find himself and you can find yourself without him!

It might be that one of his adult/older children has a legal or custodial reason to require his/her dad's time, cncentration or support.

I truly don't know but I'd be disappointed if, after a two-year connection (including social connections together and intimacy), my significant other did not think me worthy to share extended family resposibilities.

I think (as an articulate thoughtful male senior) I'd tell my long-term intimate partner my movements, my plans, my other commitments. But, of course, no two people have exactly the same level of communication or consideration.

TBH the fact he can't communicate and you refuse to in reply to him (in a way that opens up the dialogue) shows you're mismatched anyway and the relationship is dead in the water.

😯

So after two years, he thinks he can just put you in a cupboard until he’s done whatever it is he’s doing? The arrogance is jaw dropping.

I wonder what he’d say if his child’s partner said that to them?

You sound annoyed today would make me dump him. Gaslighting fucker

If a guy does not propose within the first 1-3 months of dating, he is not into you. Does not matter what your age is, how old your children are. People are simple creatures, all that bullshit about being complicated, etc. is bullshit. So people see a thing they really like, they grab it immediately. Their behaviour does not change with age - in kindergarten they grab and don't let go of the toy they like - no normal child would put a toy down (by age 4) and would expect to see it in the same place in a while - so from an early age people learn to appropriate the things they love. Dump him and find a person who would love you.

@Passengerseatisopen

The decision not to respond is a valid one. What he's doing is disrespectful at the least.

If I were going to respond I'd say "I see. OK, then, I consider us to be formally 'on a break' for the next 8 weeks. Perhaps we can reconnect then and we'll both see where we are as far as our relationship goes. Good luck with whatever it is you're doing".

Then I'd spend the time considering all my options.

The thing about his suggestion is that it doesn’t allow for you to need to see him, for example something bad happens in your life where you might need support or comfort. He is literally only thinking of himself. Unbelievably self-centred.

Hilarious.

Are you in the UK? Are you from a culture where this is 'sold' to children as some kind of moral code?

I've noticed your posts don't reflect the reality of life in the UK.

How can you possibly choose a partner for life after 1 to 3 months?

REALLY????

If a guy does not propose within the first 1-3 months of dating, he is not into you. Does not matter what your age is, how old your children are.

Oh, good grief. You really do post some absolute tosh, don't you? Every post madder than the last. A grown man proposing marriage within weeks (especially where kids are already involved) is a GIGANTIC red flag, actually.

Anyway OP, the fact you've said he's obsessed with fitness makes me think it's one of those 'disappear for 8 weeks' programmes. What a twonk he is. Glad you've got the measure of him. Onwards!

People who are that obsessed with fitness are unbelievably boring. Time to get rid and start enjoying life.

The audacity to MESSAGE you this.

Yep, but probably different UK from yours - where people behave like civilised people - dating - engagement - marriage - sex and then children. Where children behave like children and don't have sex at 14 and where parents tell children what to do, not the other way around. Lots more examples, but you get the idea, I am sure.

Brigadoon?

Exactly! OP couldn't have made her feelings clearer in her reply, but instead of him coming back with something like "Heck no, I didn't mean for my message to upset you at all, sorry, can we meet up tonight for a F2F chat?", he replies "you sound annoyed today?!" and he doesn't make the connection between his mindless text and OP's annoyance! 🙄 I mean, WTAF?!

Can it be a disappear one as he says it's ok to still talk?

The ones I've seen are completely focussed on fitness so perhaps there are some more relaxed ones?

@Hwi "If a guy does not propose within the first 1-3 months of dating, he is not into you." Er, what? Where on earth do you get these irrational thoughts from? My DH proposed to me after 6 months of dating - we've been together 44 years, married 42 - I guess it's just taking him a r e a l l y l o n g t i m e to realise he's "not into" me. 🙄 Honestly, do give your head a wobble!

Yeah you’re way down his list of priorities and he’s taking himself very bloody seriously. However, you can still “talk” ie. just so he knows you’re still on the back burner.

Off you fuck!

I mean you said to him it sounds like you don’t want to see me anymore and he didn’t tell you that you were wrong so I think that’s your answer I’m afraid. 😢 Sorry OP.

Special Forces

MI5/MI6

Assassin

Undercover cop

Other woman

Arsehole

Hello, the 1940s are calling and wonder when you’re coming back!