To think this message absolutely does equal a dumping ?

[Passengerseatisopen]

Together just over two years. We don’t live together (by choice we both have older children).

Spend two or three nights a week seeing each other, stay over one or two nights every few weeks.

Spent the night together last week, no issues, great night together. The next day chatting away as normal and then I get a message saying he “has a lot on and so could we not see each other for the next 8 weeks”. I’m not sure what you’re supposed to say to that? To me it’s a soft dumping. I didn’t respond and an hour later had a message asking if I was ok.

I was at work so couldn’t call but just said “look not sure how you meant that message to land but sounds very much like you don’t want to see me anymore; if that’s the case then I don’t really know what else you want me to say, I’m not going to be messed around etc etc”.

He messaged back saying “you sound annoyed today?!”

I’ve ignored and we haven’t spoken for two days.

I can’t wrap my head around it

He’s no sex for 8 weeks and doesn’t want tempting 🙃

I'm sorry but both of you are behaving like daft kids.

After 2 years, and it sounded 'serious' my first question to him would be 'Why?'

You're stooping to his low level of communication.

It's very very odd, clearly, but more reason to ask what's going on.

You don't sound very emotionally invested if you just take this on the chin without any explanation.

I love this !

I asked my partner about this one.
How he'd have felt if I had told him I couldn't see him for 8 weeks when we didn't live together.
He said his first thought was, whether I was OK as he'd be worried. He's pretty self sufficient though and would have accepted it.
I'd have felt like you do but not living together can create the sort of divide you are now seeing where he feels able to do his own thing.
I get the fitness thing in a way. Or a big holiday. But it's how he has communicated it is where he has gone wrong.

I think you should say, on reflection this sounds good as I also have a lot on my plate. Could we make it 10 weeks though? Thanks. Don’t think I’ll have time to talk either but I’m sure you understand.

Or test results to come back.

I would give his message a thumbs up and then go quiet

then consider us broken up

but yeah I think prison

Maybe it's a fitness addiction. I once dated a runner - never again! Did a marathon every weekend, that was after jumping out of bed at daft o'clock every Saturday to do the Park run.
His ex had even had him Sectioned at one point for his addiction. He seemed to (almost?) prioritise it over his kids.
Another FWB was a runner and not as obsessed but he ended our situation as decided that "having casual fun " with me was "not the answer" so he joined a running club instead!!!
Men can be kinda weird about their fitness/hobbies. I wouldn't take it personally OP but think about whether this is really what you want from a relationship.

That was my thought too.

I would have responded with "thanks for the short notice. What is it that would keep you busy for the next 8 weeks?" And then act based on his response. For all we know he maybe providing care to ailing grandma in a different part of the country.
Although it is strange that you found out about his plans over the text out of the blue given the length of the relationship.

It’s not so much the 8 weeks. It’s the way he’s gone about it. He had sex with you and spent the night with you. Then told you by text straight after he couldn’t see you for 8 weeks!

Selfish, controlling, weak, avoidant.

It appears he had it planned out. Get in a final bit of sex before keeping you at arm’s length to focus on Very Important Matters. One can only conclude he didn’t tell you before, as he didn’t want to jeopardise the sex. It appears he sees you as a casual relationship to fit around his needs.

Whatever his motivations, he’s left you feeling understandably confused and disrespected. Two years is a long relationship, even if relatively casual.

Don’t let him be avoidant. Ask for an explanation. Why didn’t he mention it before he spent the night with you? Why not talk about it in person? Was he even interested in how you felt about it and if it met your needs? How does he view his relationship with you? Ask direct questions, rather than tell him what you think. Ask him to account for himself.

Then dump him. Ideally, to his face.

Or keep him as a casual hook up.

It sounds like more of a casual FWB thing anyway.

Dump him. You're right.

Yes, my initial thoughts were he’s been given a prison sentence. It’s too oddly specific!

Ok, so from what you have said it sounds like he is doing a triathlon or marathon or something and he wants to get into the headspace of it all and focus on training. It is very time consuming.

He’s got older kids, and works. Does he have them EOW, not do too much with them? He probably has loads of time on his hands, and he does because he spends 2-3 nights out with you. However, he now needs that time to train, and to not have to think of other things, to focus on his goal.

You and your time together is the collateral damage for his current obsession. He wants to put you on pilot light, and then when he’s done his race (assuming I’m right) he wants the option to come back and slot right back in where he left off. Well, that’s if he doesn’t finish the race and go on his phone to book the next one if he gets the bug. It’s all a bit MLC. I’m a middle age man, quick better do a triathlon to prove I’m still as virile as a 20 something man.

By the way, him saying you sound annoyed today is gaslighting.He selfishly put you on hold via text, then made out you are in a mood.

So, the other woman is his event/sport/race. If he really liked you, he’d make time. He’d say, look I’m doing this event. I really want to achieve this. I might be a bit tired, sleepy, not that present until it’s over. Just bear with me. Sorry.

What do YOU want? Can you see a future with him? Is he just a FWB? 2 years is a long time to waste on a non keeper. It’s time to evaluate what you want and either end it, or tell him, “that’s fine Barry. Let me know when you are done. Just to let you know though that I will be going back to dating and seeing other people since our relationship is not serious”.

He's giving you headfuzz. Tjats all men do to me. You deserve better.
You are where you want to be in life. BELIEVE IT. . Whatever the hell is he doing/pretending to be doing he doesn't want to be with you for 8 weeks.
Fire him off. Horrible being messed about so you take the power into your hands

He sounds like he’s leaving you on the hook incase nothing better comes along OR it doesn’t work out with the person he’s seeing 🤷🏼‍♀️ I would be dumping him to be honest!

To me this typifies the self-centred individualist mindset.

the fact people think they can just disappear in a puff of smoke, with no need to give a moment's thought about the other person's feelings on the matter and then reappear as if nothing has happened, is delusional and self-obsessed.

An antiviral course for hepatitis takes 8 weeks.

Has he tried to contact you?

That’s exactly i would do …

@Passengerseatisopen just wondering did you ever find out what he was doing for his 8 weeks?

Respond with this

🙂

Then nothing else ever again