To think this message absolutely does equal a dumping ?

[Passengerseatisopen]

Together just over two years. We don’t live together (by choice we both have older children).

Spend two or three nights a week seeing each other, stay over one or two nights every few weeks.

Spent the night together last week, no issues, great night together. The next day chatting away as normal and then I get a message saying he “has a lot on and so could we not see each other for the next 8 weeks”. I’m not sure what you’re supposed to say to that? To me it’s a soft dumping. I didn’t respond and an hour later had a message asking if I was ok.

I was at work so couldn’t call but just said “look not sure how you meant that message to land but sounds very much like you don’t want to see me anymore; if that’s the case then I don’t really know what else you want me to say, I’m not going to be messed around etc etc”.

He messaged back saying “you sound annoyed today?!”

I’ve ignored and we haven’t spoken for two days.

I can’t wrap my head around it

Something like that, after two years, is worthy of a face to face discussion. The fact he doesn't think you are worthy of basic respect is awful. Did he normally do little things that chip away at your self esteem and confidence?

How weird. It’s like he sees you as a resource, a service provider, whose contract he can suspend for 8 weeks. I think you’d be reasonable to think he’s not remotely committed to or even concerned about you. I’d be dumping him, frankly.

"The next day chatting away as normal and then I get a message saying he “has a lot on and so could we not see each other for the next 8 weeks”."

What an odd message! And "working on his fitness. Finishing a project at work. A few other things" - nah!

The prison sentence is an interesting thought. I definitely think he'll be spending those 8 weeks doing something he doesn't want you to know about. Or doing something he doesn't want you to see. So could be cosmetic surgery, going abroad to see the other woman, prison, being in a TV reality show (wrong time of year for Traitors, I suppose, and Bake Off), being a body double for a politician at risk of assassination, any number of things. Whatever it is/isn't, there is no reason - no reason AT ALL - for him not to have raised it with you the day before when the two of you were together, face-to-face. When he must have already known whatever-the-reason-was. Cowardice on his part not to raise it then.

What it ISN'T, is consistent with an honest relationship. So even if he isn't soft dumping you, I'd be reassessing the viability of this relationship and hard dumping him.

Hmmmm, my guess is he wants to test run a new model and have you on standby for if it doesn't work out. Play the song "had a little time" to yourself and tell him you might see him in 8 weeks but can't promise anything.

Omg yes, this!! Some kind of embarrassing surgery or ‘enhancement’

Please don't contact him again.

Agree with pps - 8 weeks is weirdly specific. I suspect something where he can have access to his phone - reality show or surgery are my punts. Maybe a hair transplant?

I'd be annoyed as well.

It's a dumping, you can do better, a text dump, but I m sure if he wants sex, he is well able to call.

Had the same song in mind!

A prison sentence was the first thing that came into my mind as well.

Was he (wrongly) waiting for a conversation? Is he generally a bit innocent or clueless? I’d personally have texted eight weeks? What do you mean? And then that may have led to ‘a going to be crazy in work’ or I have to move to Dubai or something!!! It doesn’t sound from his next messages that it was a break up because he sounds surprised

How weird, from going to seeing each other several times a week, and then nothing. Definitely something fishy going on.

Can you Google his name as people sent to prison are often reported in the press.

Reply with 👍

And make that the last message you ever send him

No!!! He’s taking the piss. Probably commitment phobic. Move on.
Sometimes I long for the days when men frowned at each other for messing women around.

It’s so weirdly specific that I’m thinking prison sentence…

or he’s been having an online fling with someone from abroad, or an old flame, who is going to be in the country or in his area for a couple of months, so he doesn’t want to be seen with you.

8 weeks sounds like the exact amount of time a man would need to work out if the new woman he is seeing is gf material or not, sorry op.

I have had quite a few friends including myself had long term bfs when the man has asked for some time and space to focus on his mental health or to work out if he needs to be single and can they give him a coupe of months.. after the couple of months where the woman has been crying and on tenderhooks he then confirms they're over and miraculouoy he finds a new gf immediately

He may have a perfectly good reason for needing a break. The fact that, after two years together, he texted rather than spoke to you in person is what would put me off pursuing this relationship further.

Me too! I'd text him this song back.....

I take it you don't live far from each other if you were seeing each other 2 or 3 nights a week?

Rather bizarre that he can't just fit in some meet ups regardless of going to the gym or a project.

And I wonder how he'd feel if you expected him to not meet/see you for two months because fitness was more important than a relationship and you apparently couldn't juggle/compromise.

Is the project 8 weeks?
A fitness programme of 8 weeks?

Even if they are, it's fairly arrogant and unself aware to expect someone to not see you for 8 weeks and just be picked back up again when it suits him.
A lot of men, if their partner said, "can't see you for 8 weeks, ok hun" would probably have found themselves a new girlfriend by the time the 8 weeks was up.

Anyway do you suspect he's got a woman visiting or something?

Slept with someone else and waiting to see if he has symptoms?

Or going on a reality tv show and has to keep silent about it? There really is nothing aside from him having met someone else but the time frame is oddly specific as you say.

Oh, I agree with this.

Bear in mind, he never said a word when you were with him.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum
I have had quite a few friends including myself had long term bfs when the man has asked for some time and space to focus on his mental health or to work out if he needs to be single and can they give him a coupe of months.. after the couple of months where the woman has been crying and on tenderhooks he then confirms they're over and miraculouoy he finds a new gf immediately

Me too!! These fucking pricks!! Who do they think they are? 😡

"Come back to me in 8 weeks, and I'll decide then."

it's rude and reveals he feels no depth to the relationship. i would not contact him again.