To think this message absolutely does equal a dumping ?

[Passengerseatisopen]

Together just over two years. We don’t live together (by choice we both have older children).

Spend two or three nights a week seeing each other, stay over one or two nights every few weeks.

Spent the night together last week, no issues, great night together. The next day chatting away as normal and then I get a message saying he “has a lot on and so could we not see each other for the next 8 weeks”. I’m not sure what you’re supposed to say to that? To me it’s a soft dumping. I didn’t respond and an hour later had a message asking if I was ok.

I was at work so couldn’t call but just said “look not sure how you meant that message to land but sounds very much like you don’t want to see me anymore; if that’s the case then I don’t really know what else you want me to say, I’m not going to be messed around etc etc”.

He messaged back saying “you sound annoyed today?!”

I’ve ignored and we haven’t spoken for two days.

I can’t wrap my head around it

If someone said 'I'm going to be really, really busy for the next couple of months so I might not be able to see as much of you as I usually do, hope that's OK - I really want to make a success of this fitness programme I'm starting so I need to scale back on evenings out and stuff, but obviously I don't want to stop seeing you so I want to check if you're OK with that' then I wouldn't think that was weird or a problem.

However... 'I can't see you at all for precisely eight weeks' just seems so different to that, and so entitled and uptight, that I would probably be ending the relationship myself whether they were intending to dump me or not!

Is he quite overweight? Could it be that he wants to surprise/ dazzle you with his new physique after the 8 weeks - but has just gone about it in a really clumsy way???!

The texting would be far more of an issue for me than the eight weeks. He's showing how little he values you after two years. That would be it for me.

If he can’t fit you in at all for two months because he needs to work out (!!!) and he can’t even say this to you face to face then he’s definitely not worth waiting for. Unless he has something like a close relative on end of life care or in intensive care going on this is absolutely not acceptable.

Id just say, “let’s just break up, I think it’s better for me”.

How absurd. The specifics of the 8 weeks would only seem vaguely reasonable if...

He was going on holiday/travelling
He was going away for work
He was visiting sick family abroad
He was doing a course away from home
He was going to prison

And in all of these cases he could also tell you pretty precisely where he was going. So you could prove it.

Even then why can't he still communicate with you during that time frame. It sounds ridiculous.

And 'working on my fitness' is not an excuse. Presuming he's not suddenly taken up professional body building?!

May I suggest 'new phone, who dis?'

Has he got some kind of embarrassing rash that takes 8 weeks to clear up?

I don’t buy the fitness excuse. He would get an injury if he exercised the entire weekend for 8 weeks worth of weekends.

LOLNO

If he wants to take that amount of time out, he's not in a relationship mindset so it's time to check out. He can enjoy humping his dumbbells instead.

He is not that into you. Get rid and find another one better.

I think I’d respond with

I’m not going to try to understand how you feel this is ok, but if you want 8 weeks then take 8 weeks. But please understand I won’t be waiting around for you, if you want to see me in 8 weeks give me a call, and if I’m free, available and want to, we can have a discussion about our relationship.

Fuck that! Dump him, while he focuses on a project. I bet I can guess what the project is too 🤔

Rehab?
STI treatment?

Either he is going to Turkey to get his hair done and he doesn't want you to see it or he is up to something else. That txt sounds weird.

I’m on the side that something very specific is happening that he is hiding from you. Could be medical, legal, travel. Something is making him hide his face and he’s trying to downplay it because he doesn’t want to admit to it. For me the lack of communication would be the killer. I’m not interested in a partner who couldn’t after two years share when they needed a medical procedure or to go somewhere. Either he is hiding something from you and doesn’t want you to break up with him over it, in which case it’s a hell na, or he’s embarrassed. In which case if he can’t communicate after two years it’s a total no.

Yes, this is a sit down talk not a casual text situation.

He’s being very cavalier about it. I’d be rethinking this relationship if I were you.

Oh please tell him to fuck off.

Could it be a typo / auto / predictive text that's gone wrong?

A... He's got an sti and needs treatment before he can see you
B.. He's booked a lad's holiday and wants to be single.
Then refer back to A..

Is he going to prison? I would have just sent back a laughing emoji and called it a day.

You don’t matter to him all that much

I’d dump him.

WTAF. Working on his fitness, a project at work? He could still fit in seeing you but obviously doesn’t want to so has come up with this lame excuse. Please move on and tell him you don’t want to talk either.

I think you could drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what his reason for not seeing you could be.

Ultimately something that directly affects you being presented as a fait accompli shows a lack of respect and consideration for you.

@Passengerseatisopen Yeah, agree with PPs, the 8 week time period is very specific and odd. Without an upfront explanation from him I'd have gone back with "Ooh, that's a very specific timeframe - what are you doing in those 8 weeks that precludes you from seeing me?" (I realise this is too late now.)
Definitely do your own thing OP. The sheer cheek of him thinking this is something he can text you, rather than have a F2F conversation about and give reasons, beggars belief. I realise men are good at compartmentalising - but this is compartmentalising on steroids! 🙄

I think you need a conversation in person.

You only stay over once every few weeks.. I don’t like to be negative but are you sure he isn’t in a relationship and pretending to work away those nights or do you often go to his house?

I once worked with a woman who had a similar text. It was because the wife she didn’t know he had was about a month away from having a baby and he wouldn’t be able to make the same time.

It’s one thing having a face to face honest conversation about something like this when you see each other, “look, I’ve got a lot going on over the next couple of months, I’ve committed to a training programme which is intense and requires daily gym, clean eating and no alcohol and 10 hours of sleep every night. What with this project I’m working on being in the final stages I’m not sure when I’ll next be free to meet up.” And then having a chat about it.
It’s a completely different thing what he’s done. What a weirdo.