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Relationships

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Really lovely man, but the sex is dreadful

309 replies

Flowerylight · 19/03/2025 10:51

So, I'm early 50s, happily single a long time and tbh expected to stay that way. Then a new friendship blossomed into something else.

In many ways I can't believe my luck, he's kind, reliable, funny, intelligent, respectful, interesting, solvent and we share many interests at the same time as enjoying things seperately. He's 5 years younger.

He's very affectionate and really loves a cuddle, but he's not bothered about sex or kissing. I don't think I'm sex obsessed I'm certainly not up for anything exotic, but I do enjoy being intimate and was hoping for good sex a couple of times a week.

Initially even the kissing was disappointing, but I've "coached" him and that's much better now.

With sex, he's clearly inexperienced and nervous and initially had trouble maintaining an errection. Once this became apparent he got himself tablets quickly and they've made a big difference, but it's still really inadequate. He doesn't want to touch me intimately and takes ages to orgasm himself, often not at all.

I've tried to gently coach him and I can't get to the bottom of his reluctance at all. In every other aspect of life he wants to make me happy, but this seems really difficult for him. When I tell him it's a problem for me, he says he understands, he's trying and it is improving, which it is, but is it ever likely to improve "enough"?

I've tried asking what he likes and what I can do to help, but the only things he comes up with are variations on a cuddle.

Does it just need patience and practice or is it never likely to get good?

He says his last relationship was 6 years ago and these things were never an issue then, which he doesn't mean to be an insult to me, but feels like one!

OP posts:
TENSsion · 23/03/2025 16:37

PassingStranger · 22/03/2025 22:39

They aren't they are realistic.
People rarely get all their needs met in one person.

People often get their basic needs met.
Not being beaten black and blue and having a satisfying sex life are not mutually exclusive.

Most people get both. It’s ok to expect both. It’s ok to demand both.

Christmaschildcare · 05/05/2025 20:15

How’s it going @Flowerylight x

daleylama · 06/05/2025 11:26

Flowerylight · 19/03/2025 13:05

Wow, I was prepared to be told a lot of what's gone before but why is a man of 45 with a woman of 50 so unlikely to succeed?

maybe its 1850 in her world.

Cort · 25/06/2025 16:11

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