3 weeks from due date and DH refuses to help - everything must be 'equal'

[pleaseguveadvicenotattack]

I'm heavily pregnant and exhausted. Our bins were overflowing and needed to be taken out for collection (they only collect fortnightly). I asked my husband FIVE times over 48 hours to take them out, explaining that if we miss collection, we'll have nowhere for food waste for two weeks.

He kept saying "in a bit" but never did it, so we missed collection. When I finally confronted him, his response was "the bin is on wheels, you could have managed it yourself!!"

I'm furious. This is only the SECOND time I've asked him to deal with the bins during my entire 9-month pregnancy. He actually told me after 8 months that he'd help with the bins, and still refuses to do it. Who watches their heavily pregnant wife struggle like this?

I've asked barely anything of him this whole time - I still cook, clean, and maintain the same standards as before pregnancy. He makes me cook every other night without exception - which to some degree is fine, but even on days when I'm clearly exhausted, he never offers to take over.

He does pull his weight around the house generally and probably does more than me, but today made a flippant comment that "he does everything." Meanwhile, he's been on holiday to last week with friends, is going away again next week, and living his normal life while I'm struggling at 36 weeks. Is it fair to only ask for support if doing something is impossible? Or is it reasonable to just ask for support occasionally?! Please let me know what happens in other relationships on this.

I ended up calling the collection service myself and taking the bins out (wasn't as heavy as it looked, but that's not the point or is it and is he right?).

I don't know what to do. Am I being unreasonable here? Is he? Are we both?

If there is resentment now then it will be much worse when the baby is born and life becomes much busier, particularly on your part. Have an honest chat about how you're feeling, maybe write it in a letter if needed. Try to explain how you feel and what you need from him, without any tone of blame. See how he responds.

so what will happen when you have been breastfeeding your newborn throughout the night, he still insists you get up because it's your turn to cook breakfast?

I'm going to say it.

Why are you having a child with this prick?

If your relationship is this rocky now it will only get worse. A baby doesn’t solve issues- it highlights them. Do you have family support around?

He has agreed to cook and do everything for two weeks post baby but I don't trust him so will buy and make things for the freezer

I've not asked him to attend any hospital visits nothing - and I still get treated this way.

Why? Why have you not demanded that he attend.

He is an absolute arsehole, but you are also enabling him. Stop putting up with it.

@PsychoHotSauce yes and I feel terrible but have to because of how he is.

I'm still probably kinder and ask if he wants anything etc.

Oh lovey seriously, he’s a total cunt! Please do not stay with him. He’ll be so much worse when the baby is born

Agree with this. This is about “teaching you a lesson”. He could quite easily have done the bin but no, he was making a point. Of course the real lesson is that some husbands (like yours for example) are cunts.

A lot more than 24 hrs in many cases!!!

Oh God OP I am so sorry. He is a royal cunt and it will not get better. I would leave now, before the baby comes. You simply cannot stay with a piece of shit like this. Tell people. Get support. Good luck. 💐

He doesn't love or respect you. I remember hoisting the bins up our front steps at 8 months pregnant because xh had forgotten, notice the x. It doesn't get any better I'm afraid

@lostintherainyday he says it's complete waste of time for us to both go - he sees as illogical when only one of us needs the information.

I've just had enough and need my space - I'll probably calm down tomorrow but I'm just angry.

What a life!

Enjoy your prince, someone got be with these twats.

He's one of those people that won't judge an inch because in their mind they think that's giving in.

When the baby arrives he is not going to pull his weight or concede to giving you any special treatment and there will be phrases like this coming out of his mouth -

'You could have done that whilst the baby was asleep!'

'There's no point in both our sleep being disturbed so I'll sleep in the spare bedroom whilst you get up and breastfeed and change the baby.'

'I'm having a week away with the chaps.'

'And another week.'

Does he not want to go to the hospital with you?

first post nails it.

this.

Ignoring the scans - I really want to focus on the bin issue - should he just take the bin out?

Physically I could do it but why should I ffs he been doing the bins ten years and just want a break given how tired I am.

Is this me being lazy?

He’s a bad man. Sorry, OP.

When I was heavily pregnant with my second and had severe PGP, I’d wake up in pain every two hours overnight but be unable to turn over. DP used to wake up and turn me. Every two hours all night. I was on sick leave, he was working and doing everything for our toddler DD and all the house stuff. That’s equal: he did all the things, I did the debilitating gestation of the baby.

What are finances and home set-up like? Because I’d be making a plan now tbh. If he won’t do bins or a bit more cooking when you’re pregnant, what’s he going to be like with broken sleep and cracked nipples and an undercarriage like the Somme? Will you still be cooking every other night and doing the bins and clearing the fridge with a teething baby hanging off your nipple? Because “equal”?

Never mind two weeks. What about every day after that? What is he going to do to be an equal partner and parent?

@pleaseguveadvicenotattack your husband is a selfish bastard and it’s not going to get any better when the baby comes. A loving partner and soon to be dad would be doing everything possible to make these final weeks of pregnancy more comfortable for you.. not keeping tabs on ‘who has done what’

I hope I’m wrong, but I think you are going to be literally left holding the baby.

Did he actually want this child?

OP I’m sorry you’re going through this. Not great timing when you’re heavily pregnant for a realisation like this is it? I hope you have support from eg family and/or friends. I’d line it up quietly and have a secret think about your options.

@Chuchoter to be honest we have agreed after first two weeks there is no point is both having no sleep, I don't see the point in it so that's fair enough

Fuck me! what am I actually hearing?! What a disgusting excuse for a human he is. While he’s away pack up and go to your family.

the bins are really a red herring you have so so many other issues with this cunt.

Oh well seeing as he loves all things equal you will require equal sleep, equal rest and so on when the baby arrives.