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Original poster

I called the police on my daughter in law and it's gone wrong

334 replies

feellikechickentonight · 18/03/2025 19:13

The other week I was walking my dog and I ended up walking past my son and daughter in law's house, as I walked past i could hear her going ballistic at what I presumed to be him. The house isnt too far back from the path and the bathroom window was open, hence being able to hear everything.

I listened for a minute or so and she was absolutely relentless, calling him awful names, for context he is physically disabled and some of those insults were related to his disability, I couldn't hear him responding in kind, just pleading with her to calm down and fearing for his safety i called the police and they said they'd check that everything was okay but couldn't give a time.

I went home as I had an appointment, i was also very angry at what I'd heard and was worried if I confronted them that it'd make the situation worse. A few hours later I got a phone call from my son asking me if I'd called the police, when I said yes he then got very terse and said what the hell was I doing, that they were having a very heated discussion about something, he confirmed that the police had been round, they'd spoken to him separately as I had told the police what I'd heard his wife screaming at him.

Anyway the police were happy it was a domestic dispute and they left, I've been told by my son to stay away from him and my grandson etc, my husband and other son have said that j completely overreacted, some couples have a row but it's better than not ever arguing and then one day just exploding. My daughter in law is said to be absolutely furious.

I'm heart broken, how do I fix this? I had hoped that the police would get social services involved due to them having a child and giving them a kick up the arse but it seems have backfired.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 18/03/2025 19:16

Domestic disputes can kill if one party is so inclined

Not sure why police should be "happy"

Now it is logged
Just stay away for a bit
Your ds might realise you are looking out for him

DenholmElliot11 · 18/03/2025 19:21

Well yeah, it's backfired. Couples argue. Did you think you could hear them argue, tell the police and that your son and grandson would be swanning off into the sunset without the DIL you so obviously dislike?

I don't think there's any coming back from this one, sorry.

annoyedandbored · 18/03/2025 19:27

How did your son immediately know it was you? The police don't tend to say who called

Josiezu · 18/03/2025 19:27

I mean you literally rang the police from hearing a very short interaction from walking past and listening to their house through the window! I can’t say I would ever choose to spend time with you again if I was her.
I don’t think I would ever be having that sort of argument but you never know, and you have no clue what the details were or who said what to who.

Devonshiregal · 18/03/2025 19:28

Oh gosh. Definitely do NOT tell them you’d hope SS would get involved. I don’t know why you thought it was a good idea to admit it was you?!! You could’ve just said no and they've assumed it was the neighbours? Why would he even ask you if it was you - are you regularly snooping around?

Also, how physically disabled is he? If he is reliant on her for care as in physically unable to protect himself 100% you need to get SS involved and help. But otherwise you need to back off and just apologise profusely and say you were so wrong and suck the fuck up to her.

You have to decide if you want to be right, or have access to your grandson and son. If it’s the latter, just fucking apologise and send flowers and go ott.

Also, she sounds unpleasant but clearly you and her have been at odds a long time if he automatically assumed you were the culprit. You need to not put him in a place of having to choose her or you because you will lose. And if she IS abusive, you’ll definitely lose

Catlad · 18/03/2025 19:28

You listed from outside ‘for a minute’ and you were so worried for your son’s safety you left to make your appointment…. Hmmm

If you were that worried why did you leave ? (Knowing the police had told you they wouldn’t attend immediately?)

if you weren’t really that worried; why call the police?

if it’s because you hoped social services would be called; is that because you think your grandchild is seriously at risk?

Acc0untant · 18/03/2025 19:30

How did they know it was you?

What was actually said in the argument? How long were you listening? I expect your son feels you've invaded his privacy by listening longer than just passing by.

There's a big difference between an abuser verbally abusing their partner and a couple having an argument.

Tbrh · 18/03/2025 19:31

In my experience even if the woman is abusive the man usually gets the blame (has happened to me when I was having an argument with DH) so it may have ended up being worse for your son

PsychoHotSauce · 18/03/2025 19:31

This doesn't ring true. Are you saying you called 999 to say your DIL is yelling at your son, and they came right out? Or did you call 101 and spend an hour on hold, because that's what happens here.

MeganM3 · 18/03/2025 19:33

You weren’t that worried about your son’s safety. Be honest. If you were, you wouldn’t have left?!

This doesn’t make sense.

DorothyStorm · 18/03/2025 19:33

annoyedandbored · 18/03/2025 19:27

How did your son immediately know it was you? The police don't tend to say who called

Also curious how they knew it was you. And saying that you wanted social services involvement does suggest youve got form.

FortyElephants · 18/03/2025 19:33

Did you actually think she was going to hurt him or did you just want 'someone' to do 'something'? I'm not sure why you thought police would get social services involved after a verbal argument (unless this is a pattern?) and it would have been so much better for you to privately have a conversation with your son about what you heard and see if he wanted any support. Calling the police was a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

Megifer · 18/03/2025 19:33

Would you say you and DIL have a difficult relationship anyway?

Not sure I'd be so fearful for my own sons safety I'd toddle off to an appointment and hope the police went round at some vague point in time tbh so maybe they feel it wasn't genuine fear for him?

NorthernGirl1981 · 18/03/2025 19:35

So you were worried enough about him to call the police yet you were happy enough to leave him there, with no idea when/if the police would even go, because you had an appointment you had to attend?!

It doesn’t make sense.

YourLuckyPearlGoose · 18/03/2025 19:35

This doesn’t add up. You thought your son was in enough danger you needed to call the police. But you also walked away and left him to potential harm.

Is there background with your DIL?

RedCatBlueCatYellowCat · 18/03/2025 19:37

So worried about him that you went to your appointment? 🤔

Why not talk to him? Call him and ask him if he was ok? Or pop back later to talk with him?

YippetyYapYap · 18/03/2025 19:37

I completely understand why you did what you did. There’s a difference between a healthy argument and somebody verbally abusing somebody else and using their disabilities as an insult.

Sounded really out of control. Personally, I think that you did the right thing you were just trying to keep people safe, of course they’re angry, especially if she’s controlling the dynamic at home and he’s trying to appease her. Sounds like the balance might be wrong in that house and I completely understand what you were worried about. That didn’t sound like a normal normal argument to me and people who say couples argue seriously? Do you shout and fling horrible insults at each other relating to disabilities, seriously? Keep calm, keep your head down and remember that you’re trying to do something good.

vodkaredbullgirl · 18/03/2025 19:37

What is done is done, take it you don't get along with you DIL.

Original poster
feellikechickentonight · 18/03/2025 19:38

Son has a physical disability and he's not the biggest bloke, daughter in law is physically a bit bigger than him and it wouldn't take much force to knock him down.

I've seen how she can behave with him before and I've threatened to report her.

OP posts:
whycantibeselfishforonce · 18/03/2025 19:39

Makes me think there must be a big back story to this. Is their relationship usually volatile and is this something you have heard before?

Why did you not simply knock on the door with a simple excuse to do so (just passing, do you want to come round for dinner etc) in the hope of defusing the situation? You could have spoken to your son later that day to see if he was OK.

If I passed by my DS and DIL house and heard her shouting at him, my first thought would definitely not be to call the police and hope that SS got involved. There must be more to this.

Feelingstrange2 · 18/03/2025 19:39

I smell a smell and it's very rat like.

Quitelikeit · 18/03/2025 19:41

Why on earth didn’t you knock on the door?!

you ought to message your Dil and try to make amends - grovel even

thepariscrimefiles · 18/03/2025 19:41

I don't think that telling them that you wanted to get Social Services involved to give them a kick up the arse is going to help fix this.

Did you go for a walk past their house on purpose? It all sounds very intrusive on your part. Does your DIL need to provide care to your son? If so, she might be really stressed and overwhelmed.

I doubt that your DIL will forgive you for this. You basically reported her to the police.

blingy34 · 18/03/2025 19:43

DenholmElliot11 · 18/03/2025 19:21

Well yeah, it's backfired. Couples argue. Did you think you could hear them argue, tell the police and that your son and grandson would be swanning off into the sunset without the DIL you so obviously dislike?

I don't think there's any coming back from this one, sorry.

This is predictably sexist given that if a man had been verbally abusing a woman and insulting her physical disability you can almost guarantee she’d be told to call the police if afraid and leave him immediately. Is it different just because the perpetrator was a woman this time?

CremeEggThief · 18/03/2025 19:44

You shouldn't have interfered.
You don't sound like a nice MIL at all.